Why I don't bother telling people about my ASD

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I've got a crush on someone, and I know that he likes me back and will ask me out sooner or later, but I'm really worrying about telling him about this cruel thing I've got (if I do get to date him). I know I'd have to tell him if he does ask me out, because although I am generally good at hiding it, sometimes I accidentally do or say something odd, or I know that when he talks to his friends, I will just stand there and never say one word to any of them, then go back to being a chatty person again once they've gone, which some people find quite strange, especially for a female. Or sometimes it may look like I don't want him to have other friends by not interacting with them. Sometimes people can be like that, which I'm not - I just get shy and a bit phobic of speaking up in a group of people who I don't know. But anyway - I just get very discouraged of telling people, especially a boyfriend. I really fancy this man, and I really want him, and as far as I know he is NT, and unless he's got a relative with AS or better yet Autism, he's not really going to understand what it is, so that'd mean I'd have to go all around the houses, and I hate having AS as it is, without having to sit there and go through it all with someone who I just want to be happy with. Yes, I know telling people will make it better in the long run, but it's still awkward, because it depends on how they feel about it too. He might not want to go out with a girl who's got a disability. ''My girlfriend's got something wrong with her'' might not be what he wants to feel, whether we get along anyway or not. Sometimes NTs can be very closed-minded like that. But it might just be me thinking that. To him, it might not matter one way or another really. But it's still awkward. And he might just know briefly about Autism, and might just misjudge me by only half-understanding 2 of the traits, like for example, ''Aspies don't feel emotion'' and ''Aspies get intense obsessions'', and then that might make him think that I don't really have proper feelings for him, and just might be an intense obsession, which might be off-putting for him. I am a bit crazy over him, but the real feelings are there. I am not asexual nor emotionless at all. (I think it's a stereotype about the emotions).

I suppose I might be able to get away with saying that I just suffer from an anxiety disorder or depression or even a personality disorder, but still make out I'm an NT. Yeh, I'll do that. NTs are more likely to understand that sort of thing, more than a labelled spectrum disorder. I know a lot of NTs myself who suffer from depression or high anxiety disorder, and they can seem like they're behaving odd at times.

But anyway, the first paragraph explains why I'm afraid to step forward and tell people about this. It's so awkward - I just wish I never had AS or any other disability, so that I wouldn't need to keep going through it all the time with people, or feel bad if I don't. If I really did fall in love with him, he's going to find out sooner or later anyway, because of the help I get and everything, but it'd be even more awkward to explain then, but it's awkward still to explain first of all. It's finding the right time and mood aswell....

Anyone else feel like this? Do those of you (who are generally good at hiding it) have the same problems with telling people, and are they roughly for the same reasons as mine?

I'm sorry you feel this way.

Has this already been posted somewhere?

If the person doesn't accept you after you tell him about your AS, then he isn't the guy for you. Why be with someone who won't accept you so if he leaves, then it's a good thing because then it meant you didn't have to waste anymore of your time with him.


I am also ashamed to admit I have AS but yet I mentioned it to my husband because I had to. I didn't want him to misread me and I wanted an understanding even if it means ignorance where he might assume things I do is related to AS because other people aren't that way. I can't hide it forever either.

Someone who doesn't know and have some understanding of your handicaps is going to be impossible to maintain a relationship with, because so many of your behaviors will be inexplicable and maddening to them. Stuff is much easier to deal with if you know why it happens.

That's not to say disclosure is a magic bullet - AS is kind of complicated - instead of being one handicap, like Dyslexia, its kind of a handicap suite, with all sorts of little quirks and oddities and that means that to understand it, a person has to put some effort into learning about it. Most people are not willing to do that, so how a person reacts to that disclosure tell you a lot about how interested they really are in getting to know who you are.