Turning down a spontaneous plan offer....

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...that you would have otherwise jumped to the occasion for if only it were made in advance... ever do that?

I love going out to eat. Especially if it's a steakhouse. But I had JUST gotten done making myself a sandwich and chips for dinner when my parents suggested going out to eat tonight. I am so angry, and even a little mad at myself for deciding to eat my sandwich instead. And my parents probably have an even stronger impression of me as a pathetic homebody now.

Doesn't matter what they think, Aspies don't do spontaneity. I have an instant anxiety attack anytime somebody changes a plan at the last minute, especially one that's already essentially 'in motion'. If they asked ten minutes earlier, when the plan was more fluid, I could maybe deal with that, at least I'd feel I had an option. But once I've started in one direction, I can't just back up and go the other way on the spur of the moment.

It drives me nuts, too, when we agree on a certain restaurant, I get my head in order for that experience, and suddenly they start throwing alternatives into the mix: "Hey, would you rather go here instead - or what about so-and-so - wanna go there?"

AaAAaUuUUGgGhHhHH!! Shut up!! Don't make me decide between options, I just got comfortable with the first one!!


Jeez-Louise! As if just deciding which options to pick from off the menu wasn't enough to make me bang my head on the table.

I hate that...
I have turned down some great times because they were not preplanned. and then wished later that I went.

Yes, definitely. I usually tell people "Make sure you call me the day BEFORE and make plans, because I'm not going to do it at the last minute." I need time to prepare. Now , if someone changes the plan to something I really want to do, if they give me enough time to re-arrange in my head everything I was going to do an put in everything I'm now going to do, I can do it - but it'll take 10 or 20 min. But spur of the moment - no way Jose. lol The last time I tried to do something with only an hour's notice, I spent the whole hour going back an forth trying to decide if I actually wanted to go or not (I eventually did, though).

I know how you feel. I have been there myself. But I have gotten better at it. I have also gotten pissed when someone has changed plans the last minute. My brother in law did that and it pissed me off. But the problem was he was drunk when he was talking to my husband so he had no memory of what he said on the phone. He remember being on the phone but had no memory of what he really said.

I don't allow those spontaneous offers in my house(mom's house).
i get an anxiety attack if sudden changes get made because i always prepare myself mentally to the things i'm gonna do, so no i don't give up to that though i really feel bad for not giving my family what they want, they just have to respect my needs and boundaries.
last time i went out with my family is 1 month ago to visite my grandma, besides that i haven't been out for a full year.
i love my house more then anything else.

Before I was actually diagnosed, one of my closest friends joked about the things one should never do if they where interested in me. One of the things on the list was to never, never, never stop by my house unannounced-- even if it was to take me out for icecream. It made the list because I actually stopped hanging out with someone (later discovered to be a fellow Aspie) because he upset me so much by stopping by my house unannounced to take me out for icecream. Another thing on the list was to call too frequently or express any emotional interest in me because I would not be interested in reciprocating. Somehow, I managed to get married and have two beautiful children before realizing these things were some of my AS traits. I work very hard at not becoming aggitated when things switch up on a daily basis. And, at forty, it is still a trial.

For me, the spontaneous offer just doesn't sound attractive in the moment of the offering, even though I sometimes realize afterwards that it would have been something that I would have enjoyed doing. It's like I have a delay in processing the offer, especially in a way, maybe emotional, that would motivate me to say yes. I guess this is like me processing a lot of things more slowly and generating delayed responses.