Why I'm afraid to seek a diagnosis

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I'm afraid of seeking a diagnosis because of my parents, really. I don't live with them, but I am very close with them, and pretty much always let them know when I'm doing something big. Whenever I try to tell my parents that I'm not normal, their knee-jerk reaction is "Oh that's silly," or "There's nothing wrong with you," or something like that. I try to tell them that I'm OK with being weird, but I get the impression they think I'm just trying too hard to be a non-conformist.

A few weeks ago, I told them this story about how there was a woman crying just outside my apartment door while I was getting ready to leave work. I waited a few minutes, hoping she would go away. My dad asked why I would do that, and I said bluntly, "Because I'm afraid of interacting with people," and they responded, "Oh you are not, don't say that." It gives me the impression that if I were to go more into detail with them about things I struggle with, they'd say, "Just don't think like that," or shrug it off by saying, "You're doing just fine."

That's the thing... they don't see my weird ways as a problem, for the most part. They acknowledge that I do things a bit differently, but think I do well enough. See, my parents aren't very social themselves. I don't think they have difficulties with people, they just choose to not form many friendships or get involved with any social groups. To them, there's nothing wrong with me having hardly any friends. My dad didn't have a stable job until he was my age, so to them, I'm doing just fine having been at this job for 5 years (despite the fact that I don't make much money, have no room for advancement, and have no idea how I would ever move on from this job). I've heard my dad say he wasn't much into dating when he was young, and my parents didn't meet and marry until their early 30's... as far as I can tell, they don't act like it's a problem that I've never so much as been on a date in my life... but that IS unusual, I DO want female companionship, and I don't see how I'm ever going to change that course without a lot of help.

I honestly don't know what they would think if I just outright said I think I'm on the autistic spectrum, and that I feel I should pursue some help. I'm worried they'd just shrug it off, or suggest that I can change just by thinking differently on my own. I think they're just so used to me, and not used to other people, that my ways either don't seem TOO weird, or are virtues (and in some ways, they are, but in other ways, they are troublesome). Either way, this is me thinking and over-thinking the situation. Maybe I'm right on some points, maybe I'm wrong on others. I keep trying to illustrate to them how I do things in awkward ways that can hold me back, or that I don't know what to do on my own, but nothing seems to trigger, "Maybe you need to go get help about that." It would be such a relief if they would just say that.

Your parents sound a lot like mine, imagine trying to come out of the closet to something like that. "Oh, thats nice. So have you beat that game you got the other day yet?"
On the other hand my sister/bro-in-law are the complete opposite so my niece is a vegetarian, *censored for privacy*, and *censored for privacy* plus whatever else she wants to claim to be unique and generally gets all her special needs fulfilled, which just encourages her to look for more.
Don't misunderstand, my niece is my favorite family member and she might really be some of the stuff but I think shes sort of a "uniqueness hypochondriac" if that makes any sense.

I understand your pain and am at a similar stage of dropping hints and getting "oh don't be so silly" from family members.
We would all like to think we are a wee bit different and a lot of culture is based on striving for difference, but when your difference is involantary and distances you from what you want and need, it is a problem not an affectation.
Try that on your parents.
For me it's such a double edge sword as what is distancing me from my family and people in general is speed and clarity of though or logic and IQ, nobody likes a smart ass and the opposite is true, I don't like or have much time for dumb asses. I sound really elitist and am not I am shy and humble, but understand my illness is a disadvantage and dumbness seems to be desirable these days.

Without overplaying the Thomas Jefferson-Mozart-Jane Austen-Charles Darwin, maybe say, Gee, it's a whole spectrum that blurs from 'normal' to not being able to speak (although perhaps communicate in other ways).

And what we really need to add to this is dozens of examples of people who have achieved medium success while on the spectrum.

I still remember when I found out my oldest daughter had aspergers. I was so relieved to have information, to help me to help her. It wasn't too long after that, that I was diagnosed. I think that your parents know you are different, they may be in some sort of denial. An official diagnoses will force them in to understanding.

Your parents could be on the spectrum too and that would explain why they are in denial. Or they could just be projecting so they don't see you as any different because of themselves.

One thing I should mention, my mom was a teacher's assistant for many years. I don't know if she knows anything about the autistic spectrum, but she is a proponent of getting help for kids with ADD or ADHD. My aunt and uncle were rather opposed to my cousin's son getting help for his disruptive classroom behavior, but my mom strongly encouraged my cousin to get help, since she has a teacher's perspective. To not do what my aunt and uncle or she wants, but to do what is best for her son. My mom has also mentioned that she used to think counseling of any kind was BS, but has reconsidered that for some people, a bit might be helpful. These things make me hopeful that they would be somewhat receptive to me looking for help, but I still can't work up the courage to be straightforward about it. Is it different for me just because I'm their son, and not my cousin's son? They always seem to spin it where any time I express difficulty, I should just "do better," or whatever. I wish it were that simple.

Will your parents be very resistant if you just say that you want to evaluated for ASD with their cooperation during diagnosis? What if you tell them that you suspect that you are on the spectrum, but need an evaluation to bring you peace of mind one way or the other?

If they are not receptive to the idea, then you will have to get ready for a protracted battle to change their minds. Maybe start by expressing how extremely invalidating it is to be told that one's difficulties don't exist and that one is not trying hard enough or whatever.

There are a few things here. One you don't need their approval but obviously it is nice. You have to think what are the reasons for being diagnosed for you. Two maybe there are some indicators that they may have traits or maybe they just don't want there to be anything wrong with you. I am my Mum's little girl even at 30 and she tends to look at me with rose tinted glasses i.e. why would I be depressed.Three maybe you're taking them too literally, maybe saying that course you are OK interacting with people means they love you and want you to feel OK interacting with people or they're trying to make you feel better and be more positive about yourself. Four maybe you should try talking about this with them rather than just worrying you may feel better getting it out. You can't actually change how they will react, only how you react. It may not be such as big a deal as you think. Do you have any sort of medical opinion to back this up? It takes some pressure off you if you can say (for example) my Dr or my therapist or whoever thinks I should get an assessment. I'm wondering do you just want encouragement, someone to support you in this. I'm sure most people will support you on here. Is there anyone else to go to if they don't react as you want?

My dad is the same way. When I talk to him about my suspicions that I have AS, and that I'd like to seek a diagnosis, he just tunes me out. When I mention my problems making friends he says "In order to have friends, one must first prove themselves friendly.". When I worry about the fact that I'm working at a dead-end job, and I'm barely functional enough to do it right, he calls it "fear of success.". When I mention the problems I had as a child, he just tells me that I was so smart that the teachers didn't know what to do with me. All of this, in turn, makes me second guess myself; what if I don't have AS, and I'm just a failure at being human? Maybe I'm just lazy?

I don't want to get a diagnosis so that I can "be different"; I don't need any help setting myself apart from everyone else. I don't want an excuse for my failings, I want to feel like there's a reason for the way I am, and a name for the invisible wall that separates me from the people around me. I'd like to know more about this thing that I've dealt with my whole life, so I can make peace with it, and learn to thrive. I'm afraid to get a diagnosis, because if I come back NT, then my dad is right and this is just another case of my obsessive hypochondria.

Anyway, this whole long rant is a roundabout way of saying that I feel your pain, and that I hope things work out with getting a diagnosis.

I understand where the OP is coming from here. I went through a similar thing with my parents. After making my appointment to be diagnosed, I told my parents what I was doing. I explained to them what Asperger's was and that I was going to Cincinnati to a clinic to determine whether or not I had it. I explained the traits of Asperger's and they admitted that those sounded just like me. After being officially diagnosed with Asperger's, they accepted it.

As far as after college and being out in the so-called real world (cough, cough),

So many jobs have layers of artificiality, even many of the supervisors are just going through the motions.

Here's a post, where Job # 1, the company can't even acknowledge a straightforward environmental issue
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp4030701 ... t=#4030701
(and I guess the obvious solution, is more regular inspection by the EPA so that it is on their radar screen)

Or, my own experiences at H&R Block, they want you to technically inform clients of the negatives of the bank products but not really inform them.

School is much more straightforward and much less of this pretend reality. (papers can be somewhat of an exception because they often have unstated standards)

And the lower a job is and the "easier" it is, the more disengaged the supervisors are and actuallly the job is harder.