Funny 'literal' moments

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Okay, I am sure someone has already done a thread about this many moons ago, but lets start again with some of you newbies on board. Obviously, a lot of us on the spectrum take things literally. I am no exception. Today I was at work cleaning out one of the hamsters and a little kid stood next to the hamster cage below and asked me:

'Can I see the hamster please?'

I replied:

'Yes, Just look through the glass'.

Quite matter of factly (although my support staff who picked me up said the Dad probably thought I was being sarcastic, hence the dodgy look from him!). It took me about 20 minutes before I realised she was asking to SEE the hamster as in pick it up! The answer to that would have been 'no' because our rescue hamsters don't like much fuss, but I still am finding this quite a funny slip up! What are your best stories of taking things literally?

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I have HFA, ADHD, OCD & Tourette syndrome. I love animals, especially my bunnies and hamster. I skate in a roller derby team (but I'll try not to bite )

I was in a school cafeteria at an area near the tables with silverware. Someone I knew had forgotten to get a knife and said "Hey Taylor, throw me a knife!". I paused for a moment and imagined what could happen if I actually threw a knife at him. Thankfully, he just laughed and said "Ok, hand me a knife."

NT: "I need more gas."
Me: "Didn't you just eat chilli?"

At a job interview they asked me what I did before I came in.
I told them I woke up, ate breakfast, took a shower, got dressed, and arrived for my interview.
What they meant to say was what occupation did I used to have.
Oops.

Therapist: "It's a medication that aggravates calcium"

Me: "How do you aggravate a mineral? It has no feelings."

In seventh grade:

Kid in resource room: Do you like Cats?
Me: Yes (and then I start talking about my cats my family and I have and the kid is laughing, it turns out he meant the play)

Mom: "Take out the compost."
*I take the bucket to the compost heap and leave it there*

Only after getting fussed at for not dumping the compost did I realize that she meant "Take it out and dump it"

I deleted my last post here because I didn't find it funny and I realized I had posted it in this thread that is meant to be funny literal moments.


Mom and I were going to Missoula one day and she was telling me about why our siding had ripped off our home from the strong wind. She tells me how the men put it on all wrong so they cut corners. I tell her they had to fit the siding on so they had to cut the corners. Mom tells me they did a poor job because they wanted to get it done quicker. I tell her they had to fit the siding on the home where the roof is so they are corner to have to cut the corners off to fit it on. Mom then tells me it means taking short cuts to get their job done faster. I then realized it was a figure of speech. I was 18 when this happened. Now this is funny.

During my Eagle Scout Board of Review they were interviewing me about my Eagle Scout project, scouting in general etc. They were asking all sorts of questions. Then the 'top dog' scout leader guy said, "Now did you have any help getting here?" I said, "Yes, I rode with my parents in their car." I wasn't trying to be funny but luckily the whole board started laughing. Then he clarified the question by saying, "No, I mean help getting to this Scout rank."

I know this is an old thread, but I wanted to share.

The first time I was told to go to the walk in fridge, I thought they meant the fridge could walk.

When I was a kid I asked since their are rifles do they have lefles for left handed people.

My niece who is not diagnosed when she was 8 asked if the world was in black and white when I grew up. Made me feel very old but it was funny.

In college I took Philosophy and the professor told us to draw a conclusion about a various topic (mine was human euthanasia)
10 students in the class and I was the only one to come in with an elaborately decorated poster board explaining my opinion. My grade was lower on the assignment because it wasn't what he really wanted.

In Uk there's a road sign that says 'Concealed Entrance'.

I always used to wonder 'Why conceal something if you then have to tell people where it is?'

I was talking to somebody on the phone at work when the boss came in and asked me if I was talking to Tony. I said yes, and he said "don't put the phone down, I want to talk to him." So when I'd finished talking with Tony, I let him hang up, and I didn't put the phone down, I handed it to the boss. Well, I'd done as I was told, but the boss wasn't pleased.

I know an apparently autistic girl who was asked to put some burgers in the oven. She did so, and half an hour later the others were surprised to find that she hadn't turned the oven on.

This reminds me of the jokes once played on engineering apprentices

Ask an apprentice to go to the stores and ask for a long weight (then the store-man would make them wait for a long time!)

or

Ask them to get a new air bubble for a spirit level. (The store-man, who obviously knew this joke each year, would give the apprentice a small empty box with a lid, with instructions to be careful and not to let the air escape.

There were some more but I forget them now... they were fun at the time