Can you sense if somebody likes/dislikes you?

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Joe90
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29 Sep 2011, 3:49 pm

I know NTs generally can (well, I think so anyway), but I was wondering if other Aspies can or not.

I know I'm an Aspie, but I can sense what somebody thinks of me. I don't mean love - I just mean general aquatances and friendships, etc. I can't explain it - it's a bit like trying to explain the colour blue. But I just know inwardly how I know if somebody likes me or dislikes me. I find it hard with strangers what they're thinking of me, but once I get to know someone, I can easily tell if they like me or not. It's such a complex thing to explain, and often people argue against this and keep saying, ''but how do you know?'' I'm like, ''but I am not that naive!''

Can other Aspies here generally tell if somebody likes you or not, or is it just an NT trait I've got? (Or psychic trait even?)


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League_Girl
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29 Sep 2011, 4:13 pm

I can easily tell. If someone treats me badly or has a negative attitude towards me, I can tell they don't like me. If someone is always friendly with me and seem to be super nice to me and giving me special treatment, they like me.

If someone is neutral towards me, I can't tell.



tomboy4good
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29 Sep 2011, 4:18 pm

It usually takes a fist to my face or someone telling me to my face they don't like me for me to get it. I am just really dumb or slow when it comes to stuff like this.


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TenPencePiece
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29 Sep 2011, 4:19 pm

Yes, quite.


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fraac
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29 Sep 2011, 4:24 pm

I have no idea. I've missed people wanting to kill me and people being in love with me. I'm not sure I believe the information is genuinely available or a delusional shortcut - but if it is available I can't see it. I can work it out, laboriously.

Here's the thing: how can you tell the difference between someone disliking you and someone being generally hostile because they have issues? You have to see them with other people and deduce it rigorously, right? I can always sense very accurately if someone is cool or hostile, but I don't get involved with people so I assume that their reaction is nothing to do with me. I'm still not sure that, technically, it is.



CockneyRebel
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29 Sep 2011, 4:38 pm

I can tell when someone doesn't like me, because they'll give me a very dirty look and than I'll avoid that person in the future.


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glider18
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29 Sep 2011, 4:38 pm

I think it is challenging for me to tell if people like me or not. Many times I will claim that I feel someone does or does not like me, and my wife will tell me that I am reading them wrong. And she's usually right.


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blueroses
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29 Sep 2011, 4:42 pm

I tend to have difficulty telling these things and often default to assuming everyone dislikes me until proven otherwise in a very overt, obvious manner.



Joe90
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29 Sep 2011, 4:44 pm

Well I do observe human behaviour a lot, and analyze it over and over in my mind a lot, and I get used to certain behaviours. I can even tell if somebody's judging me, or not ling me because they're ''afraid'' of my weirdness, or whether somebody is aware of my weirdness but is not letting it interfere with my friendship because they're really nice people who like to give me a chance.

In environments like work, I'm forever observing the behaviour of my colleagues, and the manager there is one of those people who has favourites, and it's got nothing to do with the way they work - it's more to do with how the person is socially. Who's to say a person can't be a manager and a mate to their employees? To me (and 3 or 4 others) she behaves as just a manager and that's it, but to the rest she behaves as a mate to them, and even goes up the pub with them at week-ends for a drink, and most of these people she didn't even know before they came to work for her. But she'd never ask me to come. And the way she puts people like me on the till downstairs, and keeps all her mates upstairs to work with her so that she could also chit-chat to her ''favourite workers'' whilst she's working.....
It's all those little signs I look for, and not only that - I can just sense it too.


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lunaloo
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29 Sep 2011, 4:53 pm

I've found an easy, fool-proof way to tell: If they're female and breathing, they don't like me. :lol:

Seriously, though, sometimes yes, sometimes no. Occasionally it's very obvious. For instance, if someone ignores me even though I know good and well they see me or if someone is balatantly rude. More often than not, though, people are more subtle, in which case I'll sometimes pick up some kind of negative 'vibe'. I can't really explain it. Maybe it's a look or a tone of voice - but somehow I can just tell.

Yet at other times I'm completely clueless. My husband has invited couples out to dinner with us many times and I've thought everything was fine. We'd go out several times after that and I'd think things are going well and maybe we could be friends with this couple. Then all of a sudden the invitations would stop and they were never available to go out when DH invited them. I'd had no idea what I did wrong, but apparently I'd managed to screw things up again. Or maybe I did nothing wrong and the wife just decided we didn't click. Eh...whatever.

This is why I've given up on socializing - it never works out.



fraac
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29 Sep 2011, 4:54 pm

Joe, I'm very people observey too. I can work stuff out. But can you just sense the difference between someone disliking you and their having been abused as a child? I can't.



Maje
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29 Sep 2011, 4:56 pm

Do you know why they like you or not?

Then I would dismiss the psychic part.

Yes I tell when people like me or not. It directly affects everything. Admittedly I miss it by people I dont notice. Some people disappear in the crowd because they are uninteresting. Maybe I ignore more than 50% (of the people I talk to), so I guess that means its not my nr. 1 ability.



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29 Sep 2011, 5:06 pm

Its not at all instinctual as with NT's

I never used to be able to tell at all

Now, since I've learnt of my AS, I spend quite a bit of time and energy watching/feeling the other.

I'm much more able to tell now, but still struggle a bit.



CaptainTrips222
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29 Sep 2011, 5:21 pm

League_Girl wrote:
I can easily tell. If someone treats me badly or has a negative attitude towards me, I can tell they don't like me. If someone is always friendly with me and seem to be super nice to me and giving me special treatment, they like me.



Exactly. It's just that simple.

I just don't relate to people who can't tell if somebody dislikes them. Maybe it's cuz I'm hyper sensitive to that kind of thing.



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29 Sep 2011, 5:25 pm

CaptainTrips222 wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I can easily tell. If someone treats me badly or has a negative attitude towards me, I can tell they don't like me. If someone is always friendly with me and seem to be super nice to me and giving me special treatment, they like me.



Exactly. It's just that simple.

I just don't relate to people who can't tell if somebody dislikes them. Maybe it's cuz I'm hyper sensitive to that kind of thing.


Most members here have difficulty....a very aspie issue....



btbnnyr
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29 Sep 2011, 5:26 pm

I really cannot tell. I find it hard it tell if I like or dislike someone, so whether or not someone likes or dislikes me is beyond my capabilities right now.