describing a shutdown

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Hey all.

I had a major shut down after a really rough day yesterday and it was weird watching the process.
I seemed to be imploding and I just cried and could not talk about what I was feeling because there were no words for what I felt.
I just felt like I was imploding slowly....I was crying but I did not know why...it was the only thing I could do I guess.
Mom named off certain emotions but none of them fit. I eventually came back after mom brushed my hair which always soothes me and she fed me some carbs which make me kinda sleepy. I went to bed and the next day, felt better.

Anyway, today she keeps asking me what happened, I told her it was a shutdown, but still could not explain it better.

How do you all explain a shutdown.

Jojo

Not sure if this will help you but I documented my last one here...

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postxf153181-0-540.html

I've been trying to work out how to explain to other people, but what they hear seems to be something less than what I experience. I have several detailed descriptions on this forum and read many times that number (and the one Karla linked is a really good description), and what seems to work for posting here is harder for me to communicate to NTs.

Mostly I just say my nervous system and/or brain was fried and I couldn't function properly.

I have had many types of shutdowns.

1) The sudden depersonalisation type. Either caused by sensory stress or even by what people say (you need to socialise more). To the outside observer I will go quiet, my body looks rigid, I will not make eye contact or respond or respond with few words.
Inside: I'm losing the ability to speak, move my body, control my movements (stimming) and have decreased hearing as though I'm under water. Many times my imagination will be so vivid I can see things in front of my open eyes.

2) Exhaustion shutdown. Usually caused by socialising for too long or by physical exhaustion. I will lie down in the same spot all day (one I did it for three days and didn't even feed myself - only got up to feed my cats) and be without thoughts, and be almost catatonic. There may be seizures. Last time it happened I did have a lot of alcohol the previous few days though.

3) Emotional shutdown. Kind of the same but the trigger can just be from too many emotions. I might have one after or in place of a meltdown. These ones may be caused by people (either them putting pressure on me or me putting pressure on myself for not fitting in with them) and have similar symptoms to depression; not wanting to spend time on interests or do anything really. It's kind of hard for me to determine when I have these because I have PMDD too which give me worse meltdowns and suicidal feelings.

In short, I usually think of shutdowns like a nervous breakdown or a complex partial seizure (one without convulsions) or depersonalisation or depression. The symptoms are similar but the cause is usually a sensory, emotional or just exhaustion related.

I am not sure what is a good way to describe shutdowns to people who have not experienced them. I usually say that I am like a computer, and shutdowns are like when a computer has a BSoD. Or I say that what they are observing from me is a computer that is frozen, and nothing happens even when they press Ctrl-Alt-Del, or things only get more hung up if they press Ctrl-Alt-Del, i.e. talk to me. So I say that I am not capable of using any higher cognitive functions during shutdowns, such that I can see the picture on the wall, but I cannot tell them what the picture is showing, because I do not even know what the picture is showing, since things tend to lose their meanings during shutdowns, and this includes what they are saying to me, which all sounds like gibberish blah blah blah to me, so if they want anything from me, they should leave me alone and come back later when I have hopefully rebooted myself.