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TheMatrixHasYou
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01 Oct 2011, 11:36 am

Do any of you guys have problems asking for help, from anyone?
I find it hard to ask teachers for help at school, it just makes me feel weak. Also, I get really anxious on how to ask the question, how they'll answer, whether I'll understand their answer e.t.c.

Do any of you have this issue? :)



TenPencePiece
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01 Oct 2011, 11:41 am

Yes

Quote:
it just makes me feel weak

Not for this reason
Quote:
I get really anxious on how to ask the question, how they'll answer, whether I'll understand their answer e.t.c.

but for this reason.


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Hyram_Inesh
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01 Oct 2011, 11:46 am

yes i hate asking for help.......



jedaustin
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01 Oct 2011, 11:58 am

Yes I have a problem asking for help. I only do it when I feel it's logical to do so and I've exhausted every means that I have to do it myself (so i don't ask for help a lot).
I think the root of it is that I don't trust very many people.
Here is the thing though...
asking for help, admitting when you are wrong, and choosing not to fight when you're the stronger opponent is a sign of strength not weakness.



animalcrackers
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01 Oct 2011, 11:59 am

Yes, all the time. For the same reasons that you mentioned. I don't always feel weak (only sometimes do I feel ashamed for needing help), but I always feel anxious about the actual interaction.


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safffron
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01 Oct 2011, 12:05 pm

One reason why I avoid asking for help is because I'll feel indebted to another person. I have no idea where that comes from.



animalcrackers
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01 Oct 2011, 12:09 pm

jedaustin wrote:
Here is the thing though...
asking for help, admitting when you are wrong, and choosing not to fight when you're the stronger opponent is a sign of strength not weakness.


Well said!


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Burnbridge
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01 Oct 2011, 12:12 pm

This is much bigger than just an Aspie issue ...

A standard expectation for male gendered people in western societies is that they "know everything" and be expected to "take care of everything." Asking for help means admitting that you don't know something, or can't do it on your own. It is an "insult" to the Cowboy/MacGuyver archetype that lives in the brain of most any man who grew up watching TV. Lots of men struggle with this problem in a big way, many more never struggle against it at all.

A different way to look at the embarrassment: instead of thinking about how disappointed you are with needing help, think about how empowering it is for someone else to be asked to help you. Makes them feel wanted and needed, maybe? And you just gave them that little morale boost by saying "please and thank you."


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TwistedReflection
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01 Oct 2011, 12:23 pm

I'm not a big fan of asking for help either, as it leaves me open to unwanted pity.

I seem to have a major problem with pity.

I just cannot stand being pitied; it is the absolute lowest I can go and utterly reprehensible to me.

In saying that, it's not wholly unwelcome either, because it means that people actually tend to care enough to pity me at all.

There's an important lesson to note in regards to asking others for help, though; it's actually a strength and far from a weakness, believe it or not, as it means that you are able to admit to yourself that don't know everything and that you must avail yourself of superior wisdom to carry you through dire circumstances.

If you make use of others' insights well, you may find that you are better able to fend for yourself without having to rely on others to act as your crutch.



Todesking
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01 Oct 2011, 12:28 pm

I eel this way with sales clerks. I get filled with anxiety whenever I have to walk up to one to ask a question. :oops:


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YellowBanana
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01 Oct 2011, 12:33 pm

Yes I have a real problem with this. Actually I have a real problem asking any kind of question. But especially when it comes to asking for help.

I thought I was getting there with this ... but I recently managed to ask someone I totally trusted for help with something. It went horribly wrong. Turns out I couldn't trust them at all.

So now I am right back at square one and will never ever ask for help again. From anyone. I will also never trust anyone again.


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ZaannV
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01 Oct 2011, 3:40 pm

thats why its so hard to get help or deal with depression especially i find
for i keep it really silent, i want to ask and talk but i just cant, if i do i feel really awful afterwards, but then i blow up and have a melt down cause i didnt sort it to begin with :(


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gothicfeline
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01 Oct 2011, 3:46 pm

I dislike asking people for help, or asking for anything. Asking for things gives the person I'm asking power over me, and I'm not a huge fan of being vulnerable.



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01 Oct 2011, 3:59 pm

I sort help for years but it was usually of such a poor quality, that I gave up on the system. No therapist ever picked up on my HFA :? :? :?

Associating with other freaks, downtrodden and peeps not accepted by society, has helped me the most.

The communion I feel is heart settling and the sense of community satisfies much of my environmental neuroses. 8)



animalcrackers
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01 Oct 2011, 4:05 pm

Burnbridge wrote:
A different way to look at the embarrassment: instead of thinking about how disappointed you are with needing help, think about how empowering it is for someone else to be asked to help you. Makes them feel wanted and needed, maybe? And you just gave them that little morale boost by saying "please and thank you."


I really like this perspective--my thanks to you for posting it


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Tuttle
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01 Oct 2011, 5:44 pm

I have major issues asking for help - it almost got me kicked out of my high school.

For me its not about embarrassment, so much as being a perfectionist even about the asking for help (I need to do it right, I can't just say 'i need help'), as well as a fear of others saying they'll help even if they can't really afford to help. I don't want others to go out of their way for me when it hurts them more, and I'm scared they will.