How to explain introversion to parents?

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syrella
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02 Oct 2011, 11:52 am

How can I explain what introversion means to friends and family?

When I didn't have any friends at all, I would fantasize about being social and having lots of friends. I think this desire was one reason that contributed to a longstanding Sailormoon obsession, for example, because it was all about teamwork and friends sticking together. I thought that was the best thing ever and I would copy what they did in hopes of gaining friends in my life too. However, as I got older and my social skills improved a bit, I found out that groups of people aren't all that they are "cracked up to be". The reality is that I probably do prefer to be alone. I like having friends, but I don't want them around all the time. I prefer to pick and choose the social situations I'm in very carefully since they are often very tiring to me. For this reason, I will avoid people from time to time and I can be quite reclusive.

While I've had some social anxiety in the past, I don't think that anxiety is the core problem. I believe it to be introversion. Whether I'm "autistic" or not, I really don't know. However, my parents only see my behavior as shyness. I've not had any luck explaining it to them that there is more to the puzzle than just me being scared or shy of people.


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Callista
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02 Oct 2011, 11:58 am

I usually explain it like this:

"I prefer a few close friends to lots of friends. I like to spend time one-on-one instead of in a big crowd. When I want to relax, I do something by myself."


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swbluto
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02 Oct 2011, 12:22 pm

An introvert is like a cat, while an extrovert is like a dog. [Use your imagination and think of the way your parents think to fill in the details.]



Last edited by swbluto on 02 Oct 2011, 1:51 pm, edited 2 times in total.

nikaTheJellyfish
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02 Oct 2011, 12:44 pm

i let my family and friends know what my boundaries are...

such as:

okay i can play but only until this set time
yes I will come to study group but i will leave after this amount of time

and so forth

this way i don't seem like a complete loner and they know what i need up front. If anyone questions this I just explain that I need time to be alone and that being with people for hours really stresses me out. It's worked okay.

hope this helps



Ellytoad
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02 Oct 2011, 1:57 pm

I'm not sure if my mom understands my introversion or not, but I do know she thinks I'm shy and have low self-esteem. I'm really not much of either. Or perhaps I'm so used to having a low view of myself that it feels natural now? Okay, maybe she's right and my reluctance to approach people indicates that I don't feel worthy of it. Or something. I don't know.



MudandStars
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02 Oct 2011, 8:48 pm

Extroverts get energy from spending time with people, introverts find that spending time with people drains and uses up their energy. Introverts need more time on their own to recharge their batteries that extroverts don't need because there energy comes from people.


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MagicMeerkat
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02 Oct 2011, 9:26 pm

In my case, my parents just knew I was introverted.


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Mdyar
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02 Oct 2011, 10:12 pm

syrella wrote:
How can I explain what introversion means to friends and family?

When I didn't have any friends at all, I would fantasize about being social and having lots of friends. I think this desire was one reason that contributed to a longstanding Sailormoon obsession, for example, because it was all about teamwork and friends sticking together. I thought that was the best thing ever and I would copy what they did in hopes of gaining friends in my life too. However, as I got older and my social skills improved a bit, I found out that groups of people aren't all that they are "cracked up to be". The reality is that I probably do prefer to be alone. I like having friends, but I don't want them around all the time. I prefer to pick and choose the social situations I'm in very carefully since they are often very tiring to me. For this reason, I will avoid people from time to time and I can be quite reclusive.

While I've had some social anxiety in the past, I don't think that anxiety is the core problem. I believe it to be introversion. Whether I'm "autistic" or not, I really don't know. However, my parents only see my behavior as shyness. I've not had any luck explaining it to them that there is more to the puzzle than just me being scared or shy of people.


Hmmm. It seems either it's self explanatory --- they get it on their own--- or they won't get it no matter how well it is explained.

This was always puzzling to me, and this is general ToM, but there seems to be an infinite chasm in explaining this to people, in that for the most part this cannot be grasped. Is thinking ability somewhat here limited in extroverts? I mean I can get into their size shoes and take brief walk and I get them. I know how they think without them having to explain it to me.

Introverts are not that rare to be missed or not noticed.

You can illustrate it well, but I seriously doubt there will be an empathic feel about it.They won't snap their fingers and say: "Aha, now I get it."

All in all, this is going to take insight to 'get it.'



Last edited by Mdyar on 08 Oct 2011, 11:09 pm, edited 2 times in total.

pensieve
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02 Oct 2011, 10:20 pm

This is what I say:

"People exhaust me."
"I prefer being on my own so I can spend more time on my solitary interests."

People still don't understand why I prefer to be on my own. The truth is I even need a break from people online. I get into a lot of disagreements with people and then get irritated by them and the longer I'm there the more argumentative I become and the more likely I'm going to get into a fight.

I need a good direct non-narcissistic way of explaining this to my counselor, who wants to put me into a social group that I'll probably either get annoyed with or bring to tears.
I'm a bit opinionated.


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btbnnyr
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02 Oct 2011, 10:28 pm

Maybe you can say that your social needs bucket is very small, much smaller than most people's, and you can only handle a certain amount of socialization before the bucket overflows, and the bucket contains radioactive water, which makes you physically ill when it splashes all over you. This is just another way of saying that socialization exhausts you, but maybe without any possible implication by misinterpretation by others that you avoid people because you either fear or hate them.

Currently, I analogize all external stimuli, from people to light to noise, to radioactivity, and I tell people that my allowed dose is smaller than theirs.



CockneyRebel
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02 Oct 2011, 11:33 pm

I wish that I could tell my parents that I'm introverted around them due to the fact that they tried to raise the autism out of me by eventually keeping me from talking about my special interests and that's why I started to clam up around the age of 16.


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Callista
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03 Oct 2011, 12:38 am

About a quarter of NTs are introverts, too, so I think you'll find most people are quite understanding when you explain that you like to be on your own to relax, etc.


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