I'm going to be having hypnotherapy in a few days. I found a special offer. 3 sessions for $150. My mother has bought it for me as an early birthday present. For years I've been improving in many ways. I used to have a very limited diet, now I'm adventurous with food. I used to have poor hygiene, now I keep myself well groomed. I used to have a bad fashion sense and hairstyle, now I don't.
Yet the biggest problem is I have next to no confidence. I'm studying at college and my arms and hands shake during lessons and I can't always look people in the face when talking. My voice trembles when I answer the tutor's questions. I really want to be able to not be like that anymore. I don't know how common it is for people with Autistic Spectrum Disorders but in my case it makes anything from going to the doctor's, to going in a bar, to being in a class, to sitting on a bus really difficult and sometimes a nightmare.
I accept being different. I want to be different in a confident way though. Not like a nervous wreck. I'd rather be like Napoleon Dynamite, different in a devil may care way. I can't even watch a street performer. When I see guitar players, singers or magicians on the high street I think they won't want me to stand watching them. I've tried every confidence trick and nothing works.
My brain just isn't capable of making me believe I'm of much worth being around people. I hope the hypnotherapist can convince me.
11 Oct 2011, 3:15 am
