Contradictions In the Aspie Personality

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I thought it would be interesting if everyone did this, as most people are very confused by me. So, some of mine:

* I want to live alone during the day, but have someone with me at night
* I dont feel sad when people die in real life, but I cry like crazy when film characters do
* I love to lie on the beach on a warm, sunny day but I close the curtains and turn all the lights off in my room
* I dont like to be cold, but I refuse to turn the heat on and instead wrap myself in an electric blanket

I'm having trouble thinking of examples, though I know there are a lot of them. Here's one, though:

I have a strong desire for friends and to feel connected to people, but I don't know what to do with friends when I actually make them. Maintaining friendships is especially difficult.

I want a job and to make friends, but I wont do anything about it.

I feel too demanded when I have friends, but I feel too miserable when I don't have friends.

I don't want to go out but I don't want to stay at home.

I want to go clubbing with people, but I avoid all social places because I know I won't enjoy it, even though I wish I was wired to enjoy social situations. That is a very hard one because people either look at it at one end or the other. They say, ''if you want to go out clubbing then go out clubbing'', or they say, ''if you choose not to go then you can't want to, so don't complain when you feel alienated''. Ohh, it is so frustrating once I get that conversation going with someone, because there is no end to it, and nobody understands me on that one, not even other Aspies.

I like to be on time and or a little early for appointments
I hate it when the person I am waiting on is late or made to sit to wait for my appointment at my appointed time.

I wanted to write out my contradictions for a long time now. Sometimes I have completely different ideologies and characters that can empathize with those which show up at different situations. It's like different personalities but I am fully aware of them. If a system is logical in itself then I would obtain one and try to untangle it until it becomes a part of me. It is a way for me to comprehend the world but then it is difficult to have an opinion of any sort. Thus a very clear system was required to distinguish which values should be held absolute and why. I cannot think of any examples in particular, that's another thing - when I am thinking abstractedly it is very difficult to come up with examples. For instance: one which is prob very common is that I despise human kind yet I yearn for relationships and find this love in myself for people. Also I feel very strongly about respecting life of animals and that killing and esp breeding is wrong but on the other hand it is absolutely not and life is overrated anyway. It is kind of black vs white. Maybe I feel black but think white. Another one might be that I am all for equality yet sometimes I find myself thinking that class division is only natural for great things to be done (don't ask me wth does that mean). Or, say, I abhor popular *culture* but then again it might be fun and it connects people, or something like that. The best one is that I would gladly die asap but I want to live forever. Anyway I am sure that there are some systems in which these are not contradictions.

I have ASD and ADHD... so I get some pretty crazy contradictions.

I have serious problems organizing myself--but I thrive on organization.

I have serious problems sticking to things--but I can get hyperfocused and so stuck on one subject that it's all-consuming.

I notice tiny details constantly, and am easily distracted by them--but the flood of detail can overwhelm me to the point that I can't process anything.

I am indifferent to some kinds of pain and hypersensitive to others.

I can walk all day on a temperate day... but am exhausted for the rest of the day by half an hour of yard work in the sun.

Yep, it's weird being me...