Frightened of awkward situations arising when in public

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I think this is part of Agoraphobia. When I go out, I like things to go smoothly. I fear humiliation or just being the center of attention and having to get through an awkward situation without having any confidence. Here's one situation that most Agoraphobics (including myself) would fear:-

When a bus gets to nearly the end of it's route and a lot of people end up standing up (because we have those crappy Airport buses with a limited number of seats and enormous space for luggage so it's a tight squeeze when you get a lot standing). Then when someone from the back of the bus wants to get off at the next stop, the whole bunch of people standing up have got to move to let this one person off, but it's worse when there's two of you getting off, and the person at the front has to move all through the people, and you're from the back and so still squeezing through all the people, and the driver doesn't see you're getting off too because of all the people, so he or she assumes that one person is the only one getting off and then drives off and you're too timid to shout out, ''wait a minute, mate - I'm coming off too!'' and nobody else bothers to help out by shouting that out, and they all look at you like you're stupid, and I look at them awkwardly.....no way - I absolutely loathe those types of situations!! !! !! !! !

I also get anxieties when I'm paying in shops, in case awkward situations arise. Once I dropped all my money and it went rolling everywhere and I had to dash all over the shop chasing after it, feeling embarrassed. A couple of men helped me pick some of it up, which was very kind of them, but women just stood there either glaring at me or laughing at me,

Anyone else afraid of situations similar to this happening to you? Anyone got any horror stories that have actually happened to you when out in public?

Wow, that just described my life in a nutshell. I'm constantly paranoid of those types of situations. Another thing that scares me is when someone learns that I minored in German because then they start speaking German to me! My mind goes BLANK. I dread that.

I'm the same way...

Dropping things or ohter stuff.... I sometimes find myself laughing at someone... But I don't just stand there, I try to help and then explain why I laughed... "I only laughed, because I do that alot and it was nice to see I'm not the only one... I hope you understand"
A long time ago, someone did that to me... It actully felt good.. not thinking I was a total freak, but a little normal.

When I ride a bus or anything, I always plan it out a head of time. Every little detail. Times were I can't do that, things often go wrong and it is hard over comming. Once started, it just keeps getting worse.

One thing that helps me deal with life...
While dancing, I fell. Laying on the ground I saw the girl reach her hand towand me and helped me up.
She pointed out that most people didn't notice.. She said "They to have falling and it is a part of life."

It's not their responsibility to inform the driver for you. Here, when someone needs to get off the bus at the back door and the driver doesn't realize, they shout "Back door driver!"

This doesn't make the person look stupid because they are expressing their need. It's a purely functional statement. The person needs to get off the bus, they let the driver know, the driver opens the door, the person gets off, and everyone carries about their business.

In the situation you described, they are looking at you like you're stupid because they are confused. They don't know if you want off or not and they reason if you did want off, you would inform the driver. So by being timid as you are you are drawing attention to yourself that you wouldn't otherwise draw to yourself if you just spoke up and informed the driver loudly that you needed off the bus.



So what? I have apraxia in my hands. It takes me forever to pay at a register and I routinely drop things. People can wait. If someone laughs, great, I've cheered them up.



No, because I'm only human and I don't expect myself to be perfect. Other people are only human as well and as such, they are also not perfect. I don't worry about speaking up in situations because I am merely stating my reasonable needs or informing someone of something which I would want to be informed about if I were in their situation, for example, if they dropped some money or their wallet. Next time you are on the bus and trying to get out and can't, yell to the driver that you're getting off as well and audibly say to the people "Excuse me" as you push your way through them. See what happens and if any of your fears materialize. I'm willing to bet they will just let you off the bus and you will all be on your way.

But it's hard to shout out when you're timid like me. This is probably why I'm afraid of awkward situations. I thought I'd be used to dealing with them now, since they're always happening to me, but I'm not. Due to low self-esteem and anxiety disorder, I find situations like this very hard. Some people can shout out, ''excuse me, driver, I'm coming off too!'' Others don't say anything at all, they just wade through everybody as quick as they can and maybe say, ''hold on!'' as they get towards the front (I've seen people do this. They probably feel a little awkward aswell). And knowing that everybody looks at me, it makes me feel even more afraid because my voice goes funny (due to shyness) and the driver mostly doesn't hear, and when you look even more nervous people seem to pick on you. They just do.

I do suffer from social phobia, which makes it hard to speak up. I'm a born worrier.

I only just recently began to think that this was an AS thing, but it is a constant source of anxiety in my life. Others have commented to me that they don't understand why I would get anxious in these type of situations.

Paying at shops, ordering food, getting on and off public transport, using public toilets... Pretty much anything that involves any greater human interaction (or chance of it) than just walking around in public alone. I plan as much as I can in my head, scripts. But when other people are involved there is always a large chance that you won't be able to follow a script.

To be honest I avoid or make decisions in many situations just because of this issue. If I am hungry when I am out I am most likely to go to McDonalds because I can most clearly predict how it will all happen - "Can I help you? What drink do you want with that, that's $4.95, thankyou, next please."

If I choose somewhere else it feels like there are endless possibilities of what could happen and hence that I will make a fool of myself- that I will be too slow to understand what is being asked, that I won't understand the systems involved (eg. where to pay, where to order, possible options ... Even Subway makes me anxious! ).

I know the situation about the bus being crowded and having move for people getting off or having to go through people to get off. I don't like being surrounded by all those people and being touched or in your personal space. When I take the bus I wear ear buds even if I am not listening to music. I also find heavier people sitting next to pushing against hard to handle too. One time it took so much effort to wait for my stop. I've had to say stop because the bus driver was shutting the middle door on me.

I figure you should just take the awkwardness of yelling you want off rather than miss your stop and have to deal with that problem too. I was in my thoughts one time and I got on the wrong bus and realized it was too short of a bus to be mine and I had to ask what bus it was then get off. I was having to stand. It was more of a big deal to make I could get to my correct bus stop.

I like know what is expected at stores too. I am thinking of using the redbox dvd vending machines but I am going to have to look it up on the internet to know the whole process before I try and that isn't even dealing with a person.

Interesting, I do the same sort of thing and plan out my shopping. I even write things down so I have a plan to follow. If I have to go to a restaurant, I try to look up their menu online before hand so I can decide what to order, otherwise, I might take forever to make a decision. It's a real problem if they run out of what I want and I then have to decide on something else. I also tend to order the same thing at favorite restaurants and am thrown into a panic if I get there and they have a new menu without what I usually order.

My social anxiety has been so high sometimes I'd be too scared to even press the "stop" buzzer on a crowded bus, and just ride around on it until someone else was getting off. Sort of defeats the purpose of taking public transport when you have a longer walk home than where you started

I like to plan everything too and sort of rehearse it before. Problem with that I often think of negative things that may happen which are totally irrational. As Tony Attwood says in "The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome":

That's where I'm at now.

I plan ahead and read menus or look at shopping online before I go to the shop. I once did a dance class as a teenager where you had to run on the top of your feet for a few steps and of course I fell flat on my face in front of a room full of people and no-one else did. I also went to an agency interview and managed to throw an entire glass of water over. The other one that gets me is finding toilets in a pub/cafe/restaurant as feel so embarrassed wandering around following the walls round until I find a sign or something. I have got flustered a few times and done a food shop before realising my purse is at home. Actually these things are more common if you are stressed as your brain has more to take in. Recently I put bad milk in my tea at work and drank it and got indigestion all day as too embarrassed to go back to the kitchen a second time and thought I would look a bit work shy messing round with tea for so long.

You could bear in mind that it is not your fault, you are coping as best you can. There is a certain clumsiness associated with AS. Also i think to myself that if they are laughing at me, then they are laughing at a person in difficulties and that would make them the bad person. Also they have no way of knowing you struggle more than normal so I suppose they're not really bad.

You could try getting off the bus earlier-if you get off first or can follow the person in front close enough you won't have to say anything. Or you could try and sit/stand at the front. I think someone said that actually it is more embarrassing to be stuck not getting off the bus than it is to say one short thing loudly e.g. "WAIT" and leave the entire bus behind. It is also better to speak than it is to pause and think about it first as you will miss the moment and it will be harder.
Can you use any other transport?!

I am having some Aspergers counselling and she told me I should work on reducing my day to day stress levels e.g. by doing relaxing things everyday and also be less hard on myself e.g. if I am at a wedding and it gets to me then I can leave for an hour, or leave early to "recover" I have a condition that the other people do not have. She said I should start challenging negative thoughts and that it took practice for me to start believing alternatives and I should just keep trying. She is encouraging me to disclose AS to some people as I am hiding difficulties and getting stressed. She also says I should look after myself e.g. with the milk situation clearly it was reasonable not to feel ill. I am on an anti-depressant (Sertraline) and have been making some big steps forwards since going on it e.g. in confidence, socialising, being more active. It has been a lot better than other ones I have tried. I am learning to look after horses and get very down on myself every time I get it wrong but the person showing me just keeps saying that she has had a lot more practice i.e. I have done it once and she has done it daily for years so I am being unrealistic to expect to be the same.

Count me as another who hates awkward situations.

I have social phobia and going out in public can be terrifying for me. My medication helps a bunch but I still dread doing something that makes me look stupid or crazy.

A couple weeks ago, I decided to wear some leg warmers with rainbow colors on them when I went on my college campus to hang out and do some studying. It's not like it was all that unusual to wear stuff like that and I go to a large university where people are usually more tolerant of different clothing styles. Unfortunately, we have this new crop of freshmen, many who are on "lottery" scholarships, who've never experienced anything outside their narrow world and are belligerent, loud, and act like high school kids.

I was in the student center getting something to eat and this group of girls busted out laughing hysterically at my doggone legwarmers! I felt so humiliated and frightened and felt like everyone was looking at me while I ate. It didn't help that a group of guys passed by and were like, "Man, who she with? Man that's a shame!" when they saw my legwarmers, assuming I was a lesbian and expressed their blatant homophobia. I'm not gay but I have a sister who is and am a strong ally of glbt rights so I don't care if people do think I am. But the attention made me so terrified that I haven't been back on campus since.

Yes, this gets me too. It's objecy blindness what I also really fear. The more something is right in front of me, the more I don't see it (tip: if you ever play Hide and Seek with me, hide in the most obvious places, you will then win! )
Last week-end I went to Pizza Hut, and I had never been in any Pizza huts before so I wasn't quite sure how it worked. It went OK, but I ordered ice-cream for dessert, and I didn't know that you have to go to a machine and pour your own ice-cream. So when the waitress brought me an empty dish, I actually wasn't looking at the dish, I was just looking up at her and saying thank you, and she walked away (it was very noisy and hectic in there and so she looked in a bit of a hurry herself). When I realised I just had an empty dish, I sort of assumed that I was to pour my own ice-cream, so I got up and couldn't see the ice-cream machine anywhere. I felt a bit silly gawping around for it, so I quickly went upto the nearest person and asked where it was, and she pointed to it - it was actually right in front of me! I said, ''I haven't been in here before. Thank you, mate,'' and I went to the ice-cream machine but then didn't quite know how it worked, so I stood there fiddling for ages.
I bet nobody was even noticing, (too busy eating and dealing with their noisy, hyper kids), but because I have Social Phobia, I had irrational thoughts making me feel like everybody was looking.

I think WP has actually triggered my pessimistic thinking off, because I read that NTs are quick to recognise the slightest, tiniest body impression you give off, and you can't escape, and once they notice you, they start thinking unempathetic thoughts about you, instead of just leaving you alone. Instead of saying, ''help the simple person'' they just decide to mock you, and I really don't think they should have the right.

I used to have a friend with Dyspraxia, and she was always the one to get hit by a football, tread in dogs poo, slip right over on any bit of ice, get in people's way, etc. It was like she was always standing in the wrong place. She used to make me laugh, but not in a horrible way. Luckily she wasn't self-conscious though. She jused to just laugh when these things happened to her. But she's always been like that. She lets things ride over her, and has the attitude ''it's their problem if they laugh, not mine.''

But I suppose it's hard when you're not like that. It's hard to go from being a hypersensitive person to an incredibily thick-skinned person.

Reading all these posts brought back a lot of memories.. When I was in my teens and early 20’s they were very common.

Maybe it is common for parents not to know how to prepare their kids for life..
When I had my children, I asked at the hospital when there were born – when will I get the book on how to raise children… Some laughed, but I was serious.

As my kids grew up, I prepared best I could for everything they would have to face. I remember when one of my daughters pointed it out and said no other parent does for their kids. She went on to say, a lot of kids asked if I could be their parent. She was 10 and that brought back a rush of memories of everything those other kids were dealing with.. Most were NT kids and still they too had troubles.

At 48 I’m very different and I guess that I just accept it. People still look at me with funny faces… I don’t care anymore. I noticed that sometimes I’ll do odd things, just to do them.

When I was young, I met older adults. Some liked a more care-free life, some didn’t. Often those who didn’t made fun of others, downing them. It was clear who enjoyed life the most… It has not been easy and has taken a very long time. My goal is to be like those care-free people. As a teenager, I told people my goal in life is to be a “beach bum”. Yeah, lots of people cut them down. Next time you get a chance, talk to some beach bums and see who you want to be when your older…. : )

These days I don’t go out much. I’ll still have trouble with a lot, like everyone here. But it’s not that.. I just don’t like being around people.. I could take drugs, but I hate drugs.. I am autistic, always will be.

Next time you see a guy riding a bicycle, singing out of tune or whistling, not care in the world.. Smile..
This post reminds me, I need to start moving back to the coast line.