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EGGREGUYOUS
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24 Oct 2011, 3:20 am

What is the complex where teenagers are shuned and chastised by adults nonstop but then when the teenage boy gets the teenage girl pregnant, the boy gets a beating and has to get a job or join the army and work his ass off everyday while being called an idiot by his parents, still; and the girl is given a welcome with open arms umongst the parents and she gets to sit on her ass and grow fat and not ever have to go out into the "Real World", never maturing, getting everything handed to her on a silver platter, and she gets to raise kids?

I am not being sexist at all, in fact these are things that I've observed with many couples with my own eyes.

So, my question is this, what are parents supposed to be but aren't?

My parents have made it uncomfortable for me to be in my own home, that is an example of what parents should not do.

If you happen to be a parent and you're pissed off from reading this, then wait till after your anger has passed and you have actually considered my opinion, so that you can make an objective opinion of your own.


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Chronos
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24 Oct 2011, 4:42 am

EGGREGUYOUS wrote:
What is the complex where teenagers are shuned and chastised by adults nonstop but then when the teenage boy gets the teenage girl pregnant, the boy gets a beating and has to get a job or join the army and work his ass off everyday while being called an idiot by his parents, still; and the girl is given a welcome with open arms umongst the parents and she gets to sit on her ass and grow fat and not ever have to go out into the "Real World", never maturing, getting everything handed to her on a silver platter, and she gets to raise kids?

I am not being sexist at all, in fact these are things that I've observed with many couples with my own eyes.

So, my question is this, what are parents supposed to be but aren't?

My parents have made it uncomfortable for me to be in my own home, that is an example of what parents should not do.

If you happen to be a parent and you're pissed off from reading this, then wait till after your anger has passed and you have actually considered my opinion, so that you can make an objective opinion of your own.


I think you are feeling persecuted at the moment and it's caused you to form an inaccurate perception of things, specifically that pertaining to the situation of teen pregnancy and what it's like to raise a human child.

Teenage girls who become pregnant out of wedlock have historically faced severe stigma whether they become pregnant through consensual sex, or were raped. This is why many girls used to, and in many cases today still do hide the pregnancy or get abortions, legal or otherwise. In western culture, if their families found out they were pregnant they were frequently slapped and called whores. Sometimes they were sent away to houses for expectant mothers so the family could avoid shame, and the child was often forcibly put up for adoption without the consent of the mother or father. Sometimes even if the girl was 18 and still lived at home. A lot of families also used to kick their pregnant daughters out on the streets.

In many Islamic cultures and other cultures in the same region, a teenage girl who becomes pregnant out of wedlock will be stoned to death or executed in some other manner after the child is weened.

Human childs are not easy to raise. The first few years they require constant supervision. They are born completely helpless (they can't even lift their heads) and have no established sleep wake cycle. They must be fed every two hours and many children don't sleep through the night by the age of 1. You can't just set them down and go watch TV or go online and play a game or post here.

Many babies have to be held constantly to keep them from crying, especially if they have reflux or colic due to immature digestive systems. They don't have the strength to protect themselves from anything when they are born and once they are able to grasp things, they put everything they can grab in their mouths.

To be honest with you, I can't think of a species who's offspring requires more resources than a human baby to raise. Even chimps, who are born equally helpless, have a faster developmental curve.



EGGREGUYOUS
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24 Oct 2011, 7:50 am

Chronos wrote:
I think you are feeling persecuted at the moment and it's caused you to form an inaccurate perception of things, specifically that pertaining to the situation of teen pregnancy and what it's like to raise a human child.

Teenage girls who become pregnant out of wedlock have historically faced severe stigma whether they become pregnant through consensual sex, or were raped. This is why many girls used to, and in many cases today still do hide the pregnancy or get abortions, legal or otherwise. In western culture, if their families found out they were pregnant they were frequently slapped and called whores. Sometimes they were sent away to houses for expectant mothers so the family could avoid shame, and the child was often forcibly put up for adoption without the consent of the mother or father. Sometimes even if the girl was 18 and still lived at home. A lot of families also used to kick their pregnant daughters out on the streets.

In many Islamic cultures and other cultures in the same region, a teenage girl who becomes pregnant out of wedlock will be stoned to death or executed in some other manner after the child is weened.

Human childs are not easy to raise. The first few years they require constant supervision. They are born completely helpless (they can't even lift their heads) and have no established sleep wake cycle. They must be fed every two hours and many children don't sleep through the night by the age of 1. You can't just set them down and go watch TV or go online and play a game or post here.

Many babies have to be held constantly to keep them from crying, especially if they have reflux or colic due to immature digestive systems. They don't have the strength to protect themselves from anything when they are born and once they are able to grasp things, they put everything they can grab in their mouths.

To be honest with you, I can't think of a species who's offspring requires more resources than a human baby to raise. Even chimps, who are born equally helpless, have a faster developmental curve.


I hope this doesn't sound like I'm voiding your reply because I welcome all.
I was born into a big family, we are also close to our cousins. So, lots of people getting married and having children. I know about all that data.
I was not talking about the past, nor was it all about women. I was asking, what are parents supposed to be?


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OJani
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24 Oct 2011, 9:27 am

Hmm. I'm tempted to say men are expected to work off their arse while at the same time not interfere much with their own family matters... I.e. - pardon my sexism - put down the money on the table and endure every kind of, well, misuse. As if they were to support their family both emotionally and materially equally well. Sorry if I hurt someone. I'm sure there's a way to say it vice verse.

In my opinion, in ideally balanced relationships men and women are supposed to be closer to each other both mentally and the way they divide tasks. In other words, more gender-neutral and understanding/accepting each other better. No need for facades, stupid gender roles etc. If only people would be like that, much effort would be spent on actual well-being istead of constant misundertanding resulting from keeping up gender roles, like men should ask out women and such. :(


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ediself
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24 Oct 2011, 9:32 am

What are parents in general supposed to be, what are the teenage parents supposed to do, or how should they be treated by their own parents?
Since I don't know what your actual question is, I will try to adress the three....
Parents are supposed to provide for their children. So, in my opinion: if two teenagers have a baby, their own parents are supposed to provide for them and their child for as long as they cannot do it on their own, while encouraging them to either: study so they can provide correctly for their child in the future, that is if the grandparents are tolerant and rational AND have the money for this, or if they are too poor: encourage at least the boy to find a job so he can provide for his family.The reason I state "the boy" (the teenage father) and not the girl is because while she can keep studying while pregnant or even hold a non physical job for most of the pregnancy, she will have to take care of the child for at least a few months after the birth, and then there are always difficulties to find daycare, there may be health concerns about the infant making the daycare solution a bit worrying, there are always impredictable problems when you have a newborn. I would personally push boy and girl to study and help as much as I can with childcare.
The ideal parent in my opinion is understanding, caring, while still encouraging a child to grow and become independant. He opens his door in times of trouble and gently pushes you back into the world when you are ready to go again.
The problem is that most people aren't only parents. They are husbands and wives, they are men and women with their own dreams and wishes for themselves. A good parent is a person who is able to be selfish enough to be happy and selfless enough to make their children happy, all at once. It's a matter of balance.



Janissy
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24 Oct 2011, 10:31 am

EGGREGUYOUS wrote:
What is the complex where teenagers are shuned and chastised by adults nonstop but then when the teenage boy gets the teenage girl pregnant, the boy gets a beating and has to get a job or join the army and work his ass off everyday while being called an idiot by his parents, still; and the girl is given a welcome with open arms umongst the parents and she gets to sit on her ass and grow fat and not ever have to go out into the "Real World", never maturing, getting everything handed to her on a silver platter, and she gets to raise kids?

I am not being sexist at all, in fact these are things that I've observed with many couples with my own eyes.

So, my question is this, what are parents supposed to be but aren't?

.


Parents are supposed to be adults. But in the scenario you have described, they aren't. Instead they are teenagers. Nevertheless, they have turned themselves into parents by having sex that led to pregnancy. As soon as the baby was born, they became parents and they became the ones responsible for raising the child- as all parents are responsible for raising their children unless they succeed in having somebody else adopt them. The teenage girl doesn't get to raise kids. She has to raise kids- that's what being a parent means. The parents must care for and support the child they have made. If they adhere to traditional gender roles, the dad earns money while the mom does the caretaking. That is the scenario you have described so that is apparently how it is done in your family.

There are other ways to divide up this labor. In some families, both parents earn money and both parents take care of the child. In yet other families, the dad is the primary caretaker and the mom is the primary earner. But in all cases, once that child is born and not adopted out, the two parents are the ones responsible for ensuring the baby is both provided for and cared for. This is true even when the two parents are teenagers. They should have waited till they were adults but they didn't so here they are.