Do you have a hard time trusting people?

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Like if somebody says that they like your shirt, do you believe them and thank them or do you wonder if they are lying or have some kind of ulterior motive?

I am suspicious and start going over reasons why they might be saying that. I would thank them though.

Absolutely. Like, if someone is nicer to me than usual, I don't know if they're just being nice, and I start thinking of all the reasons they could be pretending to be nice, and luring me into a sort of trap. Usually these reasons are unreasonable, but they lead me to not be close with many people.

That sort of trust, absolutely not. I do recognize a tone of voice that means someone is being sarcastic, but other than that I assume people are being truthful (unless I'm given a good reason to assume otherwise. Someone who is narcissistic and I've been told is a sociopath, no I won't trust him, but I won't assume he's lying either)

I have a really hard time trusting people with giving out information about myself in most contexts. This forum probably has more information about my mental state than someone who considers me a friend. I have a huge fear of being a burden on people and making them take care of me when they can't, and a fear that someone will turn around and hurt me with the information I've given them (as has happened in the semi-recent past).

I recognize oral sarcasm etc... but I always think "he's a liar. He's trying something, I don't know what, but he is trying.". I know it's not true, but for me, they're all hypocrites, sneaky, trying to trap me.

Yesterday, a guy told me on Skype "I'm a good manipulator". He is honest and open-minded with me, but when I read this... immediately, I was thinking "he is a liar too. All he said, all, was just lies.".

Also :

I'm always affraid to be a "burden". I hate being in a team, because of this. It's very hard for me to play in a team, or simply with a "friend".

I also think that I'm never doing it right, in a social situation. If I have to say thanks, I'll usually say thanks several times if I not pay attention, because I think "otherwise, I'll stay as a burden". It's a bit paranoiac, but I really think this.

So finally, when I'm forced to play in a team, I'm trying my best... and it don't really help me. I still thinking "I'm a burden. They're all liars. Why am I here ? It's not my place.".

I do hate it when I say to some critical person, ''my friend said my posture isn't unusual'', and the critical person says, ''but she might just be saying that'', meaning ''you never look normal and you never will''. But sometimes it depends. If I brought the argument up that I ''have a bad posture and look stupid all the time'', and somebody turned around and said, ''no you don't'', then they could just be saying that to shut me up. But when somebody suddenly says it out of the blue, like, ''oh I saw you walk by my shop yesterday, and you looked really nice.'' Or if somebody tells me that somebody else told them that I looked really nice, then I do believe it because it's more or less true.

It is annoying though when you think you have a bit of evidence that you look nice, which gives you hope and a boost on your self-esteem, then somebody comes along and says, ''but how do you know that they mean that?'' It makes you feel very despondant. But then when I am caught wallowing in self-pity, people are all like, ''oh lighten up a bit! We're not going to try and satisfy you any more, because you just don't listen to us!''

You can't win in this situation!

I tend to thank them but I still think they're likely to be lying. Even if it's another Aspie complimenting me, they might just be trying to fit in with normal society. I don't see what choice I have but to take compliments with a pinch of salt. It's well known that most people give out false or exagerrated comnpliments and that they expect others to do the same for them. To some extent I can see that it's kind of them to want to boost my confidence like that, and I don't really want people to give me more criticism than I can emotionally handle, but the same techniques are used by people who are just laying on the flattery with a trowel to manipulate me......I tend to feel contempt for anybody who seems to be projecting a false persona....even a false smile, I'd just rather they frowned if that's how they really feel.

It's difficult for me to give compliments too. When I have, it's nearly always been sincere, but it's rarely possible to make it seem credible.......so even if I like a lady's dress, I might be very reluctant to say so, because to me it just sounds like such an obvious pick-up line, and I half expect that it will just make the recipient suspicious of me, as I would if somebody complimented my shirt. But if somebody's appearance really pleases me a lot, it's hard for me not to say so.......and if it's really as true as that, I'll probably also be able to more or less prove my sincerity by pointing out the details I really like and explaining briefly how those things dovetail with my visual taste.

Cranking out unconditional approval isn't particularly recommended in mainstream psychology, so maybe I'm not so far away from the NT perspective. They don't swallow every glib compliment they get. I think it's just that we tend to overlook the emotional impact of what we say....we tend to feel a duty to give people the whole truth because "you can't have too much accurate information about yourself," whereas the wise NT will release information according to what he thinks I can cope with emotionally, because he knows that too much bluntness can make the recipient reject the whole shebang, and then they've been pushed even further away from the truth than they were before the truth had been told to them..

But trust goes a lot wider than believing compliments and anticipating hidden criticism. I find it very difficult to put any matter I care about into the hands of another person. I have no control over them, so I lose control over the result. If they screw up, I have a huge problem telling them I'm not happy with what they've done, and even if I get that bit right, the damage is done. So I try to do everything important by myself. Luckily there are lots of things to do that aren't really that important, and I can "trust" other people to help with those. I'm beginning to mellow. I understand that not eveybody out there is a complete fool, that I make mistakes too, that they have potentially a lot of useful new thinking to contribute, that a lot of my perfectionism is inappropriate, that they can't be expected to complete a task to my liking if I haven't told them what I want, that it's OK to criticise their work as long as I don't go overboard......apparently groups do better than individuals because they criticise and correct each other.

I am very suspicious of people in that respect. For example, if somebody said to me, "Do you think this dress looks nice?" I would immediately question why they were asking me. Don't they know I don't know anything about clothes? Are they just asking me because they enjoy watching me struggle?

Why dont you just declare you dont say things you dont mean. When you really mean it, many women will believe that and know its true. To me sincerity is dead attractive (I'm an NT). Most of my NT friends dont swallow every glib compliment they get, I know many NTs seem to.

The two most important NT people in my life are deeply sincere. Thats the one thing that has attracted me to them. They simply never say things they dont mean, so I can trust them totally. They are ultra honest and it takes a little getting used to (you kind of miss a bit of false friendly flattery), but once past that it is deeply attractive.

I don't trust anyone.

I have a hard time trusting people outside of my family. I never know whether to believe them or not.

I have a really hard time trusting people. I'm naive and way too many people have taken advantage of it. When i like a person, i easely believe anything they say. I can't tell what their real intentions are. I've been hurt alot of times that way. Now i distrust everyone. When someone tells me something nice, i immediatly think they're trying something or they have hidden intentions. It takes alot for me to trust someone now.

I have a real hard time trusting people, I am not very good at recognising sarcism or reading people's body languages. I have had problems in the past where I used to trust people too easily and I ended up getting hurt a lot so I find it really difficult to learn to trust people these days. A lot of people in my area of the UK, find it difficult to accept me because I have Asperger's Syndrome and therefore they think they have to treat me differently and it makes things more awkward for me to trust people. It makes me wonder sometimes, are people only being nice to me because they feel that they need to be or because they actually want to be.

Me neither.

I don't even trust myself sometimes.

Me neither.