Positive experiences of counselling?

Post Reply New Topic

OK.

So I had a major meltdown/shutdown at work 5 weeks ago, and have been signed off sick since then. This incident was triggered by stress at work (basically the activities of work are stressful for me and this was heading towards our busiest period and the anxiety of deailing with that got too much) and had been building for a long time but was due to underlying stress/anxiety/depression arising from my ASD difficulties which was diagnosed earlier this year (after my first meltdown at work - I had a major meltdown at work before Christmas but then went back to work but my performance was getting worse and worse as I seemed to lose all my coping strategies.)

Now the thing is I am being passed between the GP and the mental health team but no one seems able to offer any help to me. I have been offered "online self-help modules" but the details of these have not yet arrived. I have not been offered any medication (which I'm not that worried about as I've always hated medication), ongoing appointments with my psychiatrist or a psychologist, and although it was suggested that I should receive support from the local autistic society but the PCT have been unable to secure funding to help me access that.

So, it seems that as always I am on my own with this. Now I've let go of the guilt about not being at work, and I am able to do more things around the house again beyond just sitting on the sofa and trying not to harm myself, I know that I'm capable of getting myself into a state where I can return to work (hopefully before Christmas). I'm working on rebuilding my routines at home and thinking about the specific triggers at work and how they can be better managed.

However, from experience I know that unless I receive ongoing support of some kind I will end up back here again at some point in the (probably not too distant future) and frankly I've had enough of this cycle. I don't know what kind of support I need. But I need something. This cycle is unsustainable.

The ideal would be the support from the local autistic society which has been recommended, but is not forthcoming. So I need an alternative ...

I don't have any spare funds to pay for any kind of private therapy or counselling or whatever.
But one option that is open to me is that my employer has a counselling service that is free to staff (though there is a waiting list).

So, finally, I get to the question:

Has anyone had any positive experience of counselling? What did it help you with? How did it work? How long did you go for (a short period of sessions, or ongoing regular sessions)?

I am not really much of a talker - and often actually lose speech when I get stressed (which includes when talking about myself and my difficulties!) - so "talking therapy" has never been high on my list of things to do ... but I just feel stuck at the moment so maybe it's worth a try?!?!

Just looking any input on this really.

(just to note that my employer - who I have worked for for 6 years in this role, and several years previously in temporary roles - is being supportive and is not pressuring me to come back before I am ready, a phased return will be possible and possibly some adjustments in the long run ... but I want to go back to work as soon as I can because being off has really thrown all my routines and I feel kind of useless (& lazy, though everyone assures me I'm not lazy, I'm just struggling)( not working even though I only work part time).

I think I have had isolated incidents of personal enlightenment thanks to a good counselor. One was that for years I had been mistaking approval with love.

Before I begin, let me tell you I am biased as I work in the mental health field.
Second of all, I am NT (mother to a wonderful Aspie kid).

There are many different types of counseling. There is art therapy, drama therapy, etc etc.
Even with talk therapy there are many types. If you are not looking for deep insight and a search of your soul ... then look for a therapist who offers short term solution focused therapy or CBT therapy. These focus on the solutions to the problems right now. It really is an individual choice, and takes some effort to find a good fit. Just because one person doesn't work well with you, please don't give up.

Also, have you considered that the job is just not a good fit for you? I worked in a particular field for 12 years with the right support/environment the first 7 years. I was good at my job, but the last 5 years I worked in an environment which was degrading and unsupportive. I began to behave in ways I never had before, because I had been stressed to my breaking point. I began to look at myself as a failure. Finally, I was able to get out of there and realized it was just not a good fit for me. I did not like the person I was becoming while there. In my new position with the right people around me (in a new field), I can lean heavily on my assets and have none of the reactions I did with my prior employee.

At the moment, I don't have a choice. I am the ball being played in between doctors in a national health service. Nobody is offering me any kind of help. I clearly am in need of help. But that help is not there. The best option would be the local autistic society but you have to have funding approved by the local PCT to be able to get support from there and that has not been approved in spite of recommendations that I receive that support. There are other therapies available, but again, they are not being offered to me.

I do not have the funds to pay for private therapy or counselling of any kinds.

So, the only option open to me is a general counselling service available to me through my employer. I'm wondering what personal experiences people with ASD have had through this kind of counselling service and whether it is worth me exploring this option or if it will land me in an even bigger mess than I am now.




The job is a good fit for me - I get to do something I love doing in a familiar and mostly comfortable environment. And I get paid well for my part time work which allows me to pursue my special interest. I am well-respected in my profession. There is no other job that would work this well for me.

However, as a result of my ASD there are some "normal" things that most people manage with no problem that I find particularly stressful and exhausting. For 37 years I had put good coping strategies in place and functioned well. However before Christmas there was an unpredictable event which brought all my stressors together at one time in a way which my coping strategies were not prepared for and which caused me to have a major meltdown at work and to go AWOL for a period of time. I was able to go back to work the next day but gradually found that all my coping strategies no longer worked well. And I have been going downhill since then, leading to my second meltdown/shutdown at work 5 weeks ago. Which was much more serious and nearly led to me being admitted to a psych ward.

That's not to say I haven't considered other work options - I have. But there really is nothing that would work better for me. Plus moving out of that familiar to work somewhere new ... that would be more difficult than it is to deal with the stressors there. I just need to build up my coping mechanisms again.

I am on the mend now, and starting to cope better again at home and to build up to going back to work. I just need ongoing support to make sure this doesn't happen again in such a major way. (I have always had meltdowns/shutdowns but have mostly been able to manage them until that event before Christmas).

So yeah, the question is. Talky-type counselling. Anyone with an ASD found that it's been helpful in any way? Or should just give up on every getting any ongoing support?

I've discovered a few things about myself through counselling. One of the first things was back in the late 1970s, when I mentioned to a Relate counsellor that I felt I was ugly.....she said that she'd been looking at me for some time but couldn't see anything to be frightened of, and that eventually led to to understand that I had a falsely bad view of myself because of insecurity. Counselling also first put me onto the idea that feelings might be important. Another time I was saying that "obviously" I had to fit in with the weird mating game that went on...the counsellor asked me why I felt I had to go along with stuff that went so far against the way I wanted to be. A skilful counsellor can get you to recognise your presumptions and question them, which can be very useful in a world where so many people just reinforce whatever prejudices you come out with (to keep things smooth) or rail at them so violently that your pride gets in the way of looking seriously at their criticisms.

I think it's important that the counsellor knows how to deal with autism....none of mine even knew I had it (I didn't know either), so a lot of time got wasted.....they thought my alexithymia was just repression, and a lot of the sessions failed because I was going in "cold," without any kind of mental preparation, and couldn't shift my attention from whatever I'd been doing before.

There are many bad counsellors out there. I can't get anywhere with them if they're on an ego trip or if they're too glib with their assertions, or if they have some pet method or other that they can't let go of. I think it's important to watch for such things and to be ready to move on if need be.

I do not agree that an autism clinic will be the most helpful. What tends to be the most helpful is finding a good therapist/counseller who can help you and connect with you. It may take a few tries before you find one that you mesh with but why not try it since it is available through work?

I was seeing a psychologist a few years ago due to a disinclination to go through the boredom of high school. I rather liked him - he discussed philosophical issues with me and was willing to discuss certain traits of mine (such as my nihilistic outlook and apathy towards others) rationally, not trying to 'change' them.

on counsiling (ie talk therapies)
there have been numerous studies that have shown that randomly substituting proffesors with no background knowledge of psychology with those who had a PHD in psych resulted in statistically identical outcomes.

by and large any psychologist who works from an "eclectic" prospective is a fraud, they are telling you this by declaring that they understand no theory well enough use it on its own.
Cognitive behavoral therapy is an exception here, however asking an aspie to go out in the world and test the assumption that they are unable to connect with others is a setup to make problems worse.

Sometimes I think a good counselor simply asks the right questions. They guide you to self realization.

Thanks all for your input. I've had a very difficult few days hence my lack of returning to this thread. I couldn't quite figure out responses. But it is good your experiences.

Of course you are right kfisherx. It is free and I will lose nothing by trying it even if it doesn't work out. I There are a few counsellors in the service so hopefully one of them will be helpful. I know I need help, and preferably something ongoing, because I clearly haven't been managing this myself ... and if it helps me me then of course it doesn't matter if it's not autism specific. My psuedo-boss is making some initial (anonymous) enquiries for me to see what they can offer because I am very anxious about everything at the moment and going into this with no information is almost impossible. I am very thankful for her support in what has been a very difficult time.

I always end up on waiting lists and I don't think that I have ever had proper intervention.

If you get a benefit from counseling definitely pursue it, but every counselor I have ever been to has been either incompetent, indifferent, or dangerous. I even had one try to seduce my mother while we were in session. f**k counselors.

Thanks. Not. I asked specifically for positive experiences specifically on this thread. Yours was not a positive experience. I am well aware that many people have had bad experiences of counselling which is why I was looking for positive input.

If I wanted to know about negative experiences I would have asked about them.

I'm sure there are plenty of good experiences with drinking listerine, but that doesn't make it something you should do. As I said, if you get a benefit from it, so be it but from my personal experience counselors are unlikely to make any meaningful positive impact in your life. Caveat emptor.

Thanks again, not. You still don't get I was asking for positive experiences, do you? I've heard many negative things. I asked for positive things because I needed some encouragement to try what is my only route for help right now. The alternative is to give up entirely. So thanks for that. Go take a running jump out of my thread and into someone else's please.

My latest counselor has been a positive experience and a past person I saw who I'd not consider a counselor was also a positive experience. I've had incredibly negative experiences, but I've also had positive ones.

I've found if the person tries to take my sensory sensitivities into account immediately, then they're much more likely to be a good one. The one I'm seeing now makes sure to see me in the room with least sound, and fewest lights, and will close the window when I'm there if it had been open.

Personally, the difference for me was whether or not the person knew about ASDs at all. The counselor I'm seeing now is trying to help me on my meltdowns, which have gotten out of control in the past few years for the reasons I'm seeking counseling. If she sees me tensing up over something she drops it before it gets too far (she will make me discuss things that bother me, but she won't force me to do anything or let me feel forced). She points out my stims to me and gives me recommendations on ways that I might help myself calm down based on these stims. (I found out from her that I clench my wrists when I'm discussing something that upsets me, and she recommended I learn joint compressions because of this).


The trick, is that she understands my ASD at least as much as someone without one can, tries to learn more about it, and doesn't judge me on that. She uses that knowledge, but doesn't leave out my problems that aren't associated with my Asperger's.

In my experience its hard to find a good counselor, but its possible and a good one can really help. In the past few months of seeing her my boyfriend has seen a difference in my meltdowns ( they still occur as frequently, but there's less depression in them and more just being overwhelmed).

In order for me to find a good counselor I could see I needed to get diagnosed, but it definitely has been worth the time I've put into this counselor.