Is it harder for Aspies to have charisma?

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First of all, what is charisma? I do know what it means a bit, but because it's not really a word people use around where I come from, I'm not sure what it entirely means. But I know I haven't really got any charisma.

At my volunteer job the other day, I overheard a group conversation going on in the next room, and I listened along as I was doing my work. I mostly heard this man speaking and interrupting, most out of the group. He kept telling little stories of little genuine things what happened to him recently, and each time he told his little story things, everybody stopped and listened, as though he was the best. And everybody sounded like they all enjoyed listening to everything he had to say (admittedly, I did too). So I thought to myself, ''he must have a lot of charisma if everybody automatically listens to everything he's got to say.'' He sounded so fun, and was making everybody laugh and it was a warm, happy sound. Is that part of charisma? Do Aspies find this hard? I must do, because I never find myself telling general stories to a group of people. I never say things like, ''last night, I woke up, and I heard this funny noise. I thought it was my cat being sick or something, but she was just curled up asleep on my bed. So I got out of bed, and looked out of the window. I couldn't see anything, but I discovered that the noise was a deer outside. And I thought 'christ that's making a hell of a noise!' It was actually quite funny really....'' that was just an example. I never, ever get to do that in a group, using full tone of voice effect. And it's probably because I don't have that social charisma what draws people's social attention to me.

This wouldn't surprise me. People with 'charisma' are people that can relate a lot easier to others, and are very good socially. This has always been my version of it, though I've never actually looked the word up. Aspies, whom usually don't fit into the social norm/NT, I don't think would usually be seen to have this, unless they can mimic those that do have it with a facade on the outside.
Notice a lot of politicians and actors? They seem like they have it, but I'm pretty sure plenty of them are Aspies, and if people were to get to know them a bit more without being star struck, they'd be seen not to have much charisma at all.
I'm not some specialist in all of this, so I could very likely be wrong, but this is how I see it logically in own mind.

It's really hard for me to show it. When I do it sounds like it's forced but it's genuine. Except when I'm on medication. Then I am charismatic about everything.

cha·ris·ma /kəˈrizmə/
Noun:

Compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others.
A divinely conferred power or talent.

Hmm. Would you say this applies to being openly obsessed with special interests? Or do Aspies tend to be too awkward?

The charisma thing can apply just as readily to NTs as Autistics. Take creative people like writers or musicians; it's not always the talented people who become rich and famous, but the people who engage others on a massive scale; for every Michael Buble, there's thousands of others who are just as gifted but, for some inexplicable reason, they're unable to hold an audience in the same way that the superstars can.

Is this a trick question?

In modern westernised society it is generally interpreted as having the innate ability to engage the faculties of those around.

I think that the concept of charisma is multi-faceted and various different elements comprise the true meaning of the word. I don't think it's just about having a knack for a good story. Yes this individual could be called charismatic but I think demeanour, appearance, behaviour, intelligence, confidence, focus and application could all contribute to someone's 'charisma'.

Anyway, who judges charisma? The Charm Fairy? There are plenty of people who are deemed charismatic by many but certainly not by me. I have met 'charismatic' people who possess the allurement capabilities of unprepared fugu.

I haven't knowingly met anybody else on the Autism Spectrum but I am sure that there are plenty of charismatic individuals within.

I'm always somewhat mystified when I encounter people with a high level of charisma. I can't figure out what vibe they're putting out there. All I know is, they enter a room, all attention shifts to them. They open their mouth to speak, everyone stops what they're doing to listen. When I open my mouth to speak, I'm lucky if anyone notices I'm talking. I'll be speaking at a perfectly normal volume, saying something perfectly relevant to the topic of conversation, yet often, no one appears to hear me.

I recall this one time, when I was in graduate school, the professor had us break up into small groups for the second half of class. Each group was given a paper with a topic for discussion, a place to make notes summarizing the discussion, and a place for all the group members to sign your names. I participated actively in the discussion, offering plenty of comments and ideas. No one in that group acknowledged anything I said. The kicker was at the end of the discussion, when my group was passing the sheet around to sign their names. The sheet came around to the girl who was sitting next to me, and after everyone else in the group had signed it, the girl next to me was asking if we should bring the sheet to the professor's desk, or wait for the professor to come around. I was confused, wondering why they were discussing that particular topic at that time. I didn't understand. Then, in obvious afterthought, another girl in my group said to me, "Wait --- did you sign???" I participated actively in the discussion, yet they just barely noticed that I was there. Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually there, or if I'm hallucinating my own existence.

If charisma could be bottled and sold, I'd go and buy myself a bottle. I wouldn't buy a large bottle, mind you. I'm not interested in being the center of attention. I'd just get myself a small bottle, just enough for people to acknowledge that I'm alive.

Last edited by OuterBoroughGirl on 02 Nov 2011, 8:25 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Like I was saying, people usually that are able to do well socially or seen to do well socially are seen charismatic.
Perhaps in a group of similar-thinking people, like in a group with other Aspies/autism, whom think the same way and have the same interests, you'd be the one to be charismatic, because you'd fit in more socially and do better?

Ooooh. Well, I guess it is harder for Aspies. I can rarely get people to listen to me either. Most of the time I'll be talking and it's like I'm not even in the room.

I know how this can be and feel at times. And it doesn't help when you're not sure when/how to jump into the conversation or add to it. Then when I try to be assertive and add to it, I tend to choose the wrong spots and then end up seeming rude. Or when you think you have the right spot and you're JUST about to start, but then before you get a chance, someone else starts up. That frustrates me to no end. Or I'll start to talk, and my sister will start and talk over me. This happened to me before I even knew what Aspies was, and finally I got so sick of it I snapped at her and told her what she was doing. She has Aspies as well, but seems to be able to cope a bit easier, and mimics/cares about appearance and what strangers think about her. She tries to fit in. Where I don't usually care as much.
Makeup? A waste of time and money unless it's for something special. I'd rather get an extra 20 minutes of sleep in, or play, than to stand in front of the mirror and make myself look better for other people. I can do makeup well, and make myself look good, but the effort doesn't seem worth it.
I remember at one job, I didn't wear makeup once for 6 months, and then one day I woke up early, was bored, couldn't sleep, so thought 'screw it' and put it up. One girl looked at me and said, "You look so good. Who did your make up?!" I looked at her blankly and just said, "Me." She looked at me, her face turned a bit red, and she just responded, "Oh." I guess that's what sucks with a lot of NTs, they automaticly assume, just because you don't take time with something or show it, that you don't know about that particular thing/what not, especially something that deals with the social aspect.

Charisma is non-existant when you are surrounded by people you have little in common with. Fearful people want reassurance, so because most people are insecure, most charismatic individuals are not afraid of themselves or others, and implicity express a willingness to allow others to use them as a dream catcher.

Couldn't agree more

My daughter is Aspie and I think she has charisma. She has this "je ne sais quoi" that makes her the center of attention when she walks into a room. I have to say she is very beautiful, has a beautiful voice, and after 6 years of ballet she walks and moves gracefully. She is loved by her teachers because she is well educated and loves to help. But she has problems interacting with people of her own age. Once they get to know here they do not feel attracted to her anymore because she is pretty odd and after years of abuse from classmates she is defensive and rude. So there goes your charisma.

Is this a joke? It must be. You can't trick yourself into thinking that Aspies can be charismatic. If you're charismatic, and I mean truly charismatic, you're not an Aspie. No matter how tiny you break it down, the logic remains solid. Aspies aren't charismatic.

My good friend is an Aspie. She has obsessive interests, takes things literally, poor social awareness, etc... all of the classic symptoms. But she has this aura about her that makes her a fun person to be around. She is funny, self-confident, witty, etc. Based upon my understandanding of charisma, she has it. Does she have typical "charisma" as seen in an NT? Likely, no. But does she have charisma? I'd say so.