How can a parent help a little girl with this situation?

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Sometimes my little girl will be sitting in quiet contemplation, listening to music, or even just a few minutes before, been chatting happily when her eyes will suddenly well up with tear and she will start crying with such profound sadness. She cannot tell me what has made her cry or will sometimes give a physiological reason for the sudden onset of tears. I don't think it is because she is in any kind of physical pain.
Sometimes, I can hold her and gently sing to her and that helps. Other times it is best to let her be. I feel so helpless and heartbroken, because I feel that I should know what is causing this distress in my child and at the very least I should be able to help her verbalize her feelings so that I can help her through them.
I would appreciate the input from any of you who went through this in your early years (or maybe even now) as to what I can do better to help her with this.
Thanking you in advance and respectfully yours,
A mother who loves her sweet baby very much

its hard to say.maybe she thought of something that mad her sad.maybe a intensly bad memory

How old is the child? What is the Diagnosis?

My guess is that ADHD is in there too. Emotional Regulation skills are part of the Executive Functioning part of the brain.

If she was my daughter I'd hug her when she needed it and leave her alone when she needed that. That's all any person can do for another.

kfisherx -
My daughter is 6 years old. She has Asperger's. She is super bright, extremely talented and artistic. She doesn't present with ADHD symptoms... she has absolutely not behavioural conduct problems, doesn't have any difficulty concentrating on the tasks at hand (even those that are less appealing to her) and is generally, a calm, easy-going little girl.
There are a few times when I can figure out what has set the tears in motion, for example, the other day we were driving in the car and the Beatles song, "I Want to Hold Your Hand" came on. This is a song that I often sing to her and we hold hands and enjoy each other's company. As I was driving, I wasn't able to hold her hand (she's in the back seat, in a car seat). I looked in the rearview mirror and saw that she was silently sobbing. I understood what was going on and could help her to understand that this was our special song and we were not able to follow our usual ritual this time and this made her feel sad.
But other times, I just cannot figure out what the trigger is. Her sorrow is clearly heartfelt and she is not vying for attention by doing this...

Two reasons I would/still do do this:

1. I think of something that inexplicably makes me burst into tears, sad or not.

2. I don't think of anything and my body just bursts into tears on me with no warning.

My daughter is 9, dx'd AS too... she has very strong associative skills, especially with past incidents of strong emotionally upheaval.

Today we had a perfect example of it. She was grousing over working with her therpist on social skills today (in home - she would never act up in school) I had given her the example that when I was in school I didn't like math class but I had to do it anyway. Within 30 seconds she was tearing up. She tried to explain 'math class'. Her therapist was totally baffled. As mom, I fairly easily followed the mental trail. Last year she was taken out of her math class to go see her special ed teacher. Recently, she has been moved from the teachers class and misses her. She broke down crying because she missed her teacher so badly but never expressed that to anyone. As mom, I can riddle these incidents out on the spot. No one else seems able to, labelling them 'behavioral outbursts' or worse.

She will breakdown over a tank of goldfish in the pet store because of her goldfish, that she paid little attention to, died two years ago. The emotion that wells up is very real and we a talk alot about trying to remember only the good things when that happens. It is very much like getting hit by a freight train, sometimes she's even sure why it happens. I am not of the mind that this particular challenge requires 'tough love'. I will not ignore, or downplay her emotions.

My first reaction is always one of sympathy unless it can be proven otherwise. Her father thinks I let her play me - occassionally she does and I can riddle that out fairly quickly too. But, my daughter knows I will always be there as her shoulder to cry on without judgements. Her father is quite mad that she 'always goes to you'. I think the reason why is obvious. I don't always assume she is lying when she cries, or acts out, or whatever they wish to call her 'behavior'. Most of the time, it has a REASON - a solid concrete emotional reason that is very real for her even if others can't understand why. It is my job to be sympathic to that and to help her express it - not holler at her for 'fakie crying'. Although -she is 9 - and fakie crying is also an integral part of the picture at times.

I concentrate on trying to help her express her emotions more easily. She is actually pretty good at naming her feelings but normally very reluctant to 'bother' other people with her feelings, especially negative ones. She bottles up which only adds to the potential for explosive outbursts. You really do need to become a detective to figure out the triggers. Just like your song example, the other episodes most likely have a trigger as well. I am lucky to be on the same wavelength as my daughter but most folks aren't that lucky. If you can't figure it out in the moment just be supportive and, after it passes, gently prod to see if you can figure out the reason. Dealing with this AS 'association game' is like playing an obscure version of 5 Degrees of Kevin Bacon... there is going to be, sometimes, a long list of cognitive associations that lead from point A to point Z. To her, they are all obvious. She most likely has no idea that you do not follow her train of thought and that can add another layer of frustration to it.

This is also something I have always struggled with myself. Most negative emotions are expressed in freight train like fashion as crying. It is something I have tried to work on for decades with very limited success. Bottom line - lots and lots of talking about it. Not in the moment but outside it, during calmer moments. Trying to force her to talk about it in the moment could end up in a shutdown and make it worse. Keep talking, mom. As her expressive skills get stronger, these heartbreaking episodes will improve as well. But be prepared that this may always be a challenge for her.

Some seizures can produce intense sudden emotions...usually negative. You might have a neurologist take a look at her.

I can relate the associated memory issue, it caused me to cry randomly until probably puberty. That seems likely from the original post.
I have also always had the problem of breaking down over very minor things when I am already overloaded; its the straw that breaks the camel's back. If I've had a busy, stressful day, or I am in a very intense environment, the smallest issue (literally, something like a stuck zipper or a drop of juice on my shirt) will overwelm me; its almost like a mild meltdown. This may not be her trigger, but perhaps in some instances it is or will be.
How is she after her emotional times? I ALWAYS feel much better. If she is the same way, calmer and stable after these times, then I say do what you have been doing, she needs to vent and this is her way.
Draelynn's advice about asking her later seems sound. In my case this reflection generally would/will cause a repeat of the emotional outbreak if it is too soon; this may prevent you from getting answers with your little girl.
On the other hand, given the range of problems or associations that may be in play, you may never get a timely or consistant answer to what the problem is, if there even is an answer, so maybe don't put too much faith in finding an answer or solution to this. Perhaps looking for an answer will just be another stressor (something to keep in mind).
Either way, what you've said you do sounds good, when I was young that is all I wanted, either space or comfort from mom, so try not to feel helpless, you are being helpful.

I really like some of the posts that have been made in this thread. There's some good advice from different people, and I see a couple of really good moms! A couple of threads I've started may also give some insight: "Emotional Overload and Repetition" and maybe even "Unrecognized Irritating Sensation Reduced" might prove useful. Just scroll along in this forum until you find them. I hope that helps. In any case, let me be one more person who says I think you're already doing the right thing.

Thank you, all, for your insight and words of encouragement. I will continue to do the one thing I know... to be her mom. : )