Feeling torn between new and old interests
I have been obsessed with Johnny Depp movies for nearly 2 years. I am getting kind of bored with it, but I don't want to completely give it up, so I want to have secondary interests too. But I always feel like I am 'betraying' my Johnny Depp interest by having secondary ones. I am in a catch 22: If I stick with my Johnny Depp interest, then I will be bored. If I try to move on to a new interest, then I will miss my old one. If I try to combine them, then I feel like I'm "betraying" my Johnny Depp interest. This started a few months ago back in July, and it has been a continuing source of great emotional distress for me ever since.
I have brought this issue up to my mom (who is my main source of emotional support) many, many times ever since this whole thing started a few months ago. I think she is starting to get tired of me always talking about it, because I know I would get tired of somebody always bringing up the same personal issue to me. Tonight I asked her, "Why do I feel the need to only have just one interest? Why can't I have more than one?" and she replied, "It's because you're on the autistic spectrum. It's as simple - and as complicated - as that." I mentioned that I've seen several people on this website who seemed to be doing fine while having two or more interests at once, but she said that "Yes, but you don't know if they're struggling inside like you are about your interests."
Can anyone relate to what I'm going through? Does anyone have any advice on how I can solve this?
I've been feeling like that lately too. My latest interest (of the last 2 years) has been vinyl records, and the height of the obsession has waned. I feel guilty "abandoning" it, but I guess ultimately we can't help how strongly we do or don't feel about something, and we should follow our feelings and embrace the new interest when the one before it lessens.
You might feel bad for a little bit about "betraying" your love of Johnny Depp movies, but it will be easier to get over that feeling as you become more attached to a new interest than it would be to get over the boredom you're now having about the movies.
It's a bittersweet place to be. I always feel really heartbroken when a special interest is fading away.
The best advice I can give you is to just give in to and enjoy your new interests. Your old one may come back after you've had some time away from it. I often return to old interests after a break from them.
Thank you for your responses, Sparx and dogslife. It's true that the height of my Johnny Depp obsession is over. I have tried so hard to stop it from ending because it was such a wonderful interest, but as dogslife said, we can't control how strongly or how little we feel about things.
I have already found a new interest, the cartoon My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I can tell that it's my new special interest because it has all the signs: I feel very excited whenever I watch the show to the point of having difficulty sitting still, I think about it literally first thing in the morning and last thing at night, and (as my brother pointed out) I find ways to mention it in every conversation.
Though I neglected to mention this in my original post, last night's conversation between my mom and myself ended with her saying, "Don't fight how your mind works. If you can only have one interest at a time, then you should focus on your new My Little Pony interest for now. Maybe you'll go back to your Johnny Depp interest when you're ready."
I often feel bad when one interest wanes, I start to feel a bit depressed. What I have managed to do for a few years now is keep several ongoing interests at once. Last year for example I had a sudden interest in the Xmen and watched the first 2 films every day and thought about the script all the time. Then it stopped suddenly and I started writing. I have been writing since and am doing it a little obsessively at times but I try to control it by focusing on an older interest and doing that for a few hours while leaving the writing alone.
Maybe you can try to keep the Johnny Depp interest and make it wane more slowly by gradually increasing your new interest. That way it may be easier and cause less distress.
Taupey
Veteran
Joined: 24 Feb 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,168
Location: Somewhere between juvenile and senile.
I have brought this issue up to my mom (who is my main source of emotional support) many, many times ever since this whole thing started a few months ago. I think she is starting to get tired of me always talking about it, because I know I would get tired of somebody always bringing up the same personal issue to me. Tonight I asked her, "Why do I feel the need to only have just one interest? Why can't I have more than one?" and she replied, "It's because you're on the autistic spectrum. It's as simple - and as complicated - as that." I mentioned that I've seen several people on this website who seemed to be doing fine while having two or more interests at once, but she said that "Yes, but you don't know if they're struggling inside like you are about your interests."
Can anyone relate to what I'm going through? Does anyone have any advice on how I can solve this?
When I was younger, I felt the exact same way about Elton John. From age 11 years, he was my one big special interest. It was all him and nothing else all through my teenage years and into my 20's. I felt bad if I liked other songs besides his. I felt bad if I didn't get his records as soon as they were out. Finally in my late 20's and early 30's, I began to not feel as bad and buy other music but most of it was Chopin and he became my second biggest special interest. But yes, I felt like I was betraying my loyalty to him. I will never have a special interest like Elton John again. But I finally realized it's okay to have interests in other things as long as he was still my number one. It's okay to like other people. I just don't like them as much as I do him. This might sound silly to some but that's how I am. I don't know if that helps but it helped me to deal with having other interests. I know it's hard and I wish you the best IdahoRose.
_________________
Whatever you think you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, magic and power in it. ~Goethe
Your Aspie score: 167 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 35 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie.
Yes! Whenever I deveop a new speical itnrest or obsession, I feel like I am protraying my other obsessions. I first noticed it when I noticed Titan A.E. was becoming an obsession. I felt like I was cheating on Lion King. When I noticed Invader Zim becoming an obsession, I felt like I was cheating on Lion King and Titan A.E.. By the time Sonic the Hedgehog haf become an obsession, I was pretty much bored with Titan A.E. and Invader Zim and didn't care about those anymore. I felt quilty because I still had my Lion King obsesion and felt like I was cheating on Sonic the hedgehog. I have a lot of bad, tramatic memories assoicated with Lion King, Sonic was a fresh start for me. I still like Lion King, but when I went to see it in 3D, it just wasn't as great as I remembered it as a kid. Maybe I'm finnaly growing up.
_________________
Spell meerkat with a C, and I will bite you.
My dear friend Taupey, thank you so much for your response! I am relieved to know that someone close to me has experienced similar internal struggles. Your advice is very encouraging! It makes a world of difference to think of my interests in terms of "It's okay to have secondary interests, but Johnny's movies will always be #1". My mom has told me similar things before, but hearing it from another source really helps to reaffirm it. For the first time in a long time, my mind finally feels a little more at ease.
MagicMeerkat - When I talked to my mom the other night, you were actually one of the people who I used as an example of autistic people who appeared to be okay with having more than one interest (I apologize if you don't want me to reference you in the future). I had no idea that you were having the same struggles as I was on the inside! It makes me relieved to know that I'm not the only person who loves her main obsession so much that she worries about betraying it.
I can juggle around a lot without problems, but that might be because I push some of them to the edge, and then cycle through, only being really obsessed with one of them at any given time, but switching between them every so often. I guess you just need to let Johnny go for awhile, he will still be there later, and you not going to disconnect from him completely. Chances are if you will find him more interesting later if you leave him for awhile and come back to him later.
_________________
Cinnamon and sugary
Softly Spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through other people's eyes
Autism FAQs http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt186115.html
It is perfectly okay. If I minded people talking about me, I wouldn't be on the internet. Unless of course they are talking about me in a bad light.
_________________
Spell meerkat with a C, and I will bite you.
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
neurotypical and tech special interests |
12 Dec 2024, 2:15 pm |
Feeling like I'm falling behind |
15 Nov 2024, 5:19 am |
Feeling Embarrassed and Second-Guessing |
07 Nov 2024, 6:48 am |
Holiday gatherings and feeling out of sorts |
Yesterday, 2:57 pm |