I won't be despressed when I grow up...right?

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I not really that lonely. But I feel very lonely right now. I have a great family that cares and I am thankful. But Im 14 I should be out with friends and talking to people and meeting new people all the time. But I dont. I dont have friends or a socail life. I hang out with my mom every week end. Which is ok because Im glad I have her but friend wise, shes all I have. I really want friends but I never know what to say to people so I dont say any thing. I keep seeing all these posts on WP about people being sad and depressed and lonely. I dont want to be like that when I grow up. Im afired that my family will die out and I will be left behind, a sad lonely person. I have just been thinking about all this tonight and it has made me very sad. I dont want to be a sad lonely adult. I want my life to have meaning! Does being an aspie mean theres no way to aviod deprestion in adulthood?

No promises.

But, I must say, things are a lot better for me now than when I was 14. Teenage years are a finicky time. Being an Aspie doesn't make people depressed (even though it is admittedly hard sometimes). All in all, it's your outlook on life and attitude that determines how you feel. It's all in your thought process.

This is also a place where people come to rant about their depression often. Don't take these posts too seriously, sometimes people just need to let things out and this forum is their only means of doing so.

Don't worry too much about what you "should" be doing at your age. Live life at your own pace and in your own way. Do what you love to do. You've most likely got a bright future ahead of you, so tryda cheer up!

I stopped being depressed after I met my husband.

Asperger's is not automatically associated with depression. I think when we come here and read what people are writing, we're seeing a lot of people who are having a rough time and need to vent. When things get better for them, they don't need so much support and don't come here as often.

If you're talking about major depression, rather than just transient sadness, then I'm going to be honest with you: You may have problems with depression again. That has nothing to do with AS, either; it just has to do with the fact that you've had it once, and that makes you about twice as likely as the general public to get it again. I had depression when I was fourteen; then I had it again when I was nineteen, and again at twenty-four, and again last year. But even with this recurrent depression, I still have a meaningful life. More significantly, as time goes on, I learn to handle those episodes better and better. The depressive episode I had last year was no more than about four weeks long, because I knew what I was up against and knew how to handle it (for me, it meant getting back on antidepressants, getting a lot more rest than I had been getting, and spending more time outdoors). I didn't even get suicidal that time; that was a first for me. The more I learn, the better I can handle this problem. For all I know, I may even learn so much that I'll stop having depressive episodes altogether.

I don't know if your depression will be recurrent. But even if it is, that doesn't mean that your life won't be meaningful.

You don't have to be out with friends if you don't want to be. You say you "should" do things just because you are fourteen... Do you think you should do them because everybody else does, or because people expect it of you, or because it's what you're supposed to do at your age? Or are they real desires of your own? You can't live your life trying to please other people and act like somebody you're not. Lord knows it's difficult when you're fourteen; that's around the age when your peer group starts to get pretty judgmental. But figuring out who you are and what you like is part of the job you have as a teen.

People die; unfortunate, but true. I hate that about life, too. I hate that everybody I love will die one day. I guess the best thing we can do about that is to make the time we do have with them as meaningful as possible. I don't think you will be left with no one to love; as time goes on, we find new people that we are fond of--new family, new friends. Even if you never marry, you can still weave yourself into the network of society. I don't plan to marry, myself; but friendships are just as meaningful to me as romance, and I suppose when I get older I'll start mentoring younger people. I'm only 28 now, so I'm a bit young to stand in as somebody's ersatz grandmother, yet. And don't forget relationships with animals. People with pets are generally healthier and less stressed out than people without pets; and no wonder. A pet doesn't care if you're odd and doesn't need you to be popular. That's a pretty encouraging friend to have.

I wish, I REALLY wish I could see the future for you! I was the same when I was 14- very depressed. I struggled until I was about 21 (which coincided with my ASD dx, helped me to make sense of the world), and now, I'm not depressed and I'm even coming off my SSRI (but staying on other meds for other things).

Probably if you keep up this attitude. Being self-pitiful won't help you make friends.

I don't know what your future is, but I can give you some tips for the present. You have to remember that a lot of us didn't have a diagnosis so we got told all the time we were weird, lazy, etc. That's pretty depressing.

I hear you about friends. Yeah, being an Aspie makes this hard, but not impossible. You can learn what to say to people for small talk. Friends are people who share interests with you. What do you like to do? If I was a 14 year old Aspie girl now I think I'd be looking up the local game shop where they have Magic games. There are Aspies there or at least people with brains.

The most important thing is to remember that is ok to be different. Find people who like to do the things you like to do, or talk about what you like to talk about. Trying to be something or someone you are not is not the way to go.

You think this now, but when you get older and leave school and everything, circumstances change. Social skills improve, (even if you're depressed and don't know it), and you meet allsorts of different people. And I'm saying this because I went through the exact same phase as you when I was around your age. My mum got very hurt for me, my cousins were getting older and found friends of their own, and my brother always got onto me for nothing having any friends. And he was right - I had no descent friends, all the girls at school got all cliquey and I wasn't part of anyone's clique. I just got friendly with a crowd of kids with other special needs in school, but I never saw them outside of school, and when I did meet them up the town once, they didn't bother to meet me, but went off together to hang around without me, then when they did see me their excuse was ''we did call you but you didn't hear''. I knew that was a lie, and they're lucky I forgived them. I had to forgive them, because they were the only friends I had, so it was either that or nothing. I did get a best friend when I was in sixth form, but she didn't want to be my friend any more when I said I wanted to leave because I wanted to move on.

But when I left sixth form and got away from school life, I went to college, and I made friends there - even though I was shy and not that good at socialising. People weren't so immature as what they were at school, and the boys were nice. I even got a boy asking me out, and because it was my first ever boyfriend, I gave it a go but found I didn't really fancy him so I quit the relationship and stayed friends with him ever since. After I left college, I did actually lose touch with most of my college friends, but I started doing some voluntary work at a charity shop, and I did make friends there because there was all different types of people, and when you get into the adult world you realise that you're not that different to other people as what you felt when you was at school. Now I have a little group of friends. I don't have a wild social life, and I don't dress up and go out clubbing or anything. I just meet some friends up occasionally in the day and have some lunch or go shopping or something, and I speak to people on Facebook, and I've even got friendly with people on the bus, because I'm a regular passenger.

I'm not popular, and I never will be in a million years, but I am more accepted and I have what I call descent friends now - and I never thought I will have this back when I was 14. So when you leave school, perhaps look into going to college (if there is one near you), and if you don't know what to do then just do something quite easy like taking a computer course. I swear you will meet some people there, and perhaps afterwards you could do some voluntary work somewhere. You will meet friends there because people will respect you because doing voluntary work is a good thing and usually descent people do voluntary work aswell so it won't be a bunch of bitchy cliquey teenagers. OK you will always get one or two nasty people where ever you go, but there will always be nice people aswell. Trust me, your social life will get better as you get older, because I went through s**t when I was aged between 11 and 16, and I even felt so lonely and isolated that I was thinking of committing suicide, but I got myself out of that state when I left school. I still often sit alone at home and I always prefer to stay in with my mum on a Saturday night than to go out to bars, but at least I know I can just go on Facebook and talk to some people, or here on WP if I'm feeling anxious or a bit depressed, but I must say my social life is now the best it's ever been. I'm not saying your confidence suddenly rises up when you leave school. I still don't consider myself as confident, and I have got an anxiety disorder what is taking over my life, so if there is hope for someone like me who's more anxious inside than ever, then there is hope for you aswell.

Trust me, there is hope for everyone. I hope things go well for you in the future.

Well hey, at least you have a supportive family....that will certainlly help things. I was in a simular position when I was younger and though my family loves me they have never really been very supportive in a way that helps me and my parents used to yell at each other at night after they thought we where asleep. As for socialising I had pretty much no social life when I was your age.....I wanted to but the other kids at my school did not really want anything to do with me.

And no being an aspie does not mean there is no way to avoid depression, so I guess my best advice is be glad you have a supportive family as that is something not everyone is so lucky to have....and if you feel like things are getting to be too much to handle talk to your family or maybe try counseling that can help reduce any depressed feelings. Also maybe you could find some people to socialize with, that can be easier said than done, sorry I don't have much advice on how to do that. But yeah if you don't already have Depression there is a good chance you won't get it especially if you keep track of how well your coping with things and getting the appropriate support when you're not doing to well.

Not an aspie, but I will say I was depressed when I was younger. Pretty severely from 5th grade on up for various reasons. Once I was a senior in high school it started changing. It probably helped that I knew it was my last year of school, so I finally wouldn't have to go anymore, but my outlook on things and the way I chose to handle stuff started changing as well. So all in all, I will say things infinitely improved once I got older. Honestly though I don't really get feelings of loneliness and I don't believe I really ever did in the same ways as others. Although when I was around 13 and 14, I thought I sort of wanted companionship.. but I only wanted the type of people I would have liked (which I'm not really compatible with anyone, so that's unrealistic) and I mainly just wanted it, because it's what I thought I was supposed to be doing, wanted the experience, and thought I'd be disappointed/regret that I didn't have it.

In the end, I got over that stuff by high school. I realized the stuff I wanted to experience, was only because I wanted the experience, not because I would enjoy it most of the time. The things I regret the most have nothing to do with people/what I did/didn't do with them.

I am definitely prone to getting depressed though. I never go as far down in the hole as I did when I was younger, but I know when it's happening. It takes a lot of self or maybe outer awareness that I'm heading somewhere I don't want to be, I have to remember I never want to feel the feelings of being so stuck/trapped and unhappy. If you dwell/wallow in it, it only gets worse and harder to get out of. It's like being stuck in quicksand. I just have to pull myself out of it, say it doesn't matter, or even go the route of ignorance is bliss/be optimistic. If I told my younger self what I do now, she'd probably think I was dumb and that I just don't understand what I'm saying, because "it's not that easy.". It's a skill I learned on managing it and it has worked. I'm prone to it, and I can have meltdowns, but it's never as bad as it used to be and doesn't last near as long.

I guess in the end it's my determination that I absolutely refuse to feel so bad in life that I don't even want to be in it. Those feelings are terrible.

I think its pretty understandable for someone to feel depressed because they would like to have friends, but have trouble socializing and such to make friends.

+1

How "happy" you will be as you get older rests squarely on how you approach your life. Will things get "better?" Maybe. Does that mean you will or won't be "happy?" A lot is up to you.