Communication Issues

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I have AS, and some serious issues with communication. I know other people do to, and that lots of you have found great ways to get around some of your issues: that's why I need your help.

I seem to be incapable of starting a conversation with anyone, and I think it is because I have no idea how to actually have a conversation with someone, and how to react appropriately to their responses. If it is a very specific situation, I'm fine- especially if it doesn't involve anything important.
The trouble is, things seem to be getting harder instead of easier. It seems to me that, since my diagnosis 7 months ago, I am getting worse at this, and more aware of this, than I ever was before. I keep resorting to emailing or texting as I can think carefully about what to say, and then have much more time to consider a reply. I find that when I am trying to have a conversation, my mind starts drifting and thinking about something else- and so my comments become totally irrelevant. If I try to focus, my eyecontact goes all over the place, and there ends up being huge gaps in conversations as I try to work out what to say.
I feel like my anxiety is getting the better of me. And, obviously, the more I think about this, and the more times I fail, the worse this is all getting. I need to do something about this now.

Example 1:
I'm off sick from work at the moment, and have known since Monday that I really should phone up work and talk to my boss. I need to check she's got my sick note, and I said before I left to go into hospital I'd keep in contact- yet it is now friday lunchtime and I still haven't managed to pick up the phone to ring her. Every time I think about it, I start feeling anxious, as I don't even know whether she will be there to answer the phone, I don't know what to say, and in particular I don't know how to end conversations. I have problems with talking to her at the best of times, it can take me a few days to have to courage to speak to her in person and I find it hard to phone people up at all.
So now I'm sitting here, staring at the phone, telling myself I have to ring, and yet I can't actually do it.

Example 2:
I'm living with my parents temporarily for 3 weeks. They know nothing about my AS, as I still haven't managed to tell them. Nor do they know anything about the depression.
I really want to tell them about my AS, but I find that it is becoming harder to talk about it. I'm alright when I am talking about dinner, TV and all that, but I can't cope when I have to talk about anything important to me. Inside, it is as though the words just fail and get blocked in. I have the words in my head, but I just can't say them out loud. I know what I want to say, I've even run through the conversation in my head a hundred times over. But still I can't do it. I can't say the words (even out loud to myself).
Earlier this year, it took me over a month to tell them that I was being treated for suspected cancer and would need to have surgery- and I spent 3 weeks of that month with them on holiday. It's not like I didn't have the opportunity. I just couldn't manage to do it, couldn't bring it up, and waited (pointlessly) for the moment to say it. I only ended up telling them when I knew I couldn't hide it any longer.

I don't understand why I am having all these problems. I don't ever remember having problems this bad. Even when I suffered the worst of my selective mutism, I could still manage to start conversations, even if I couldn't finish them. I could still manage to get words out about somethings, even if not others. Is this a return of the selective mutism? I really hope not because those years were hell.

All I know now is that I have to find some way of overcoming these communication issues.

What I want to know is... has anyone else experienced the same problems? What did you try to do to overcome it? What worked best for you?

I go through this exact thing too. If someone else starts a conversation with me, I can at least comparably pass as NT (despite the crushing anxiety/overstimulation I'm feeling internally), but I just have no idea how to initiate a conversation with someone else. It's hard enough for me to even try, but even when I do make myself, I can't seem to do it in an acceptable way because the small talk needed to get a conversation going just absolutely eludes me.

I avoid all forms of voice or in-person communication if possible. I prefer emails above all else.

I can relate to lot you say.

I find that I live my life in avoidance. I do talk to people though but it's usually on my terms, I do a lot of rehearsing. I'm quite lucky in my job because I work alone and I'm in and out of different departments. this means I don't have to be with the same people for too long plus it gives me plenty of opportunity to hide.

When I got diagnosed the specialist told me it would get easier and I suppose it has. I think you've just got to stick at it.