An ironic mystery....

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I dated an Autistic boy when we were 17 but I found I didn't really fancy him so I told him I just want to be friends. He took it very well and now it's 4 years later and we are still good friends.

I dated another boy, but he was NT, when I was about 18 and he was 20, and I didn't like the way he was a bit pressurizing, so I said I just want to be friends but he didn't take it well at all and he got all funny with me, and I haven't seen him since then.

Then I had a man ask me out when I was 19, and I didn't fancy him at all, so I said no but we stayed friends for nearly 2 years, then I suddenly got a weird text from him and he's acting very weird lately - even though I know I haven't done anything wrong and I'm not going to keep blaming myself anyway because it seems that NTs are more weird than ASD people when it comes to this sort of thing.

I would have thought the 17-year-old lad with Autism would be more unsure of how to handle a dump from a girl, but it turns out that he's been the nicest and the friendliest and the most mature, and the NT boys have been all weird over it, and NTs are the ones who like to have friends, not fall out and be weird like that?

Also I see a friend who gets on my bus who I often chat to, but this one time I had to stand up the front because there wasn't enough seats, but I saw my friend at the back and I smiled and waved to her, but later that day she texted me saying, ''why didn't you come and talk to me on the bus?! !'' and I could tell she was all pissed off, and I was like, ''but there wasn't any seats for me to sit near, and she was right at the back and passengers aren't allowed to stand up at the back on this bus, they've got to stand in a required space at the front, everybody knows that and everybody does it, and I gave her a friendly wave and she saw. For christ sake, what is up with some NTs? And all the Aspie people I've ever known never acted like this towards anybody. They just act how friends should act.

My mum says it's a mystery. I know she's right.

I don't think it's a mystery. We think logically for the most part, NT's have very twisty ways of thinking and take things personally waaaay more than they should in my experience. Plus we're probably more used to this kind of "rejection" and welcome a friendship out of any of it. A person on the spectrum would also realize the logic in the bus situation, too. No seats means you can't go sit somewhere, and you're not allowed to stand at the back, so logically you wouldn't attempt to get back there.

It could have been an empty question. She knew the answer but she wanted to make it known that she wanted to talk with you. They're all about socializing so when it doesn't happen, they have to make it known so it doesn't happen again.

Some NTs aren't very good at balancing the social thinking with their logical thinking. That is, they use their social thinking and don't check in with their logical minds.

But I feel like saying to her, ''I want talk to you at all if you're going to be like that with me.''

Yeah, I get that urge all the time. Once I do ignore them, then they seem to either think I have anger issues or they start sucking up to me to find out what the problem is. It is kind of funny when they try harder since we are usually the ones trying our hardest.

I think most NTs would find a downgrade in relationship status from "boyfriend" to "just friend" to be a grave insult. The reaction to such a downgrade would be to shun you. An AS person might see such a downgrade as reasonable and better than nothing. It is all a matter of perspective.

I do agree it is a mystery. Sometimes NT persons are just plain strange.

Your NTs must have fragile egos.

I just think it's weird that if I got huffy with a friend just because she couldn't sit next to me on a crowded bus, somebody else would probably get onto my level as though I'm a baby and say, ''look she couldn't speak to you because all the seats were filled up near you so obviously she had to stand up.'' So, in other words, if I behaved like that towards an NT over the same situation, it would be considered socially inappropriate and immature.

And I thought NTs had common sense?

I think that's convincing. The AS boy may not have greatly cared whether it was a romantic relationship or a friendship.

NT men are weird full stop. They major on wounded pride if you have somehow not fallen what they consider to be their charms. Many of them have an all-or-nothing attitude and see friendship as a consolation prize. Those blokes you can do without.

Your friend at the back of the bus is taking herself a bit too seriously by the sound of it. if she was that keen to talk to you she could have joined you in the front (I'm not advising you to say thi to her, but perhaps thinking it might cheer you up?)

I think she's just turning a mini event into a mini drama. Don't worry about it.

It's sort of like how NT's write depressing posts on their Facebook wall as soon as they change their relationship status from "In a Relationship" to "Single". Like having a friend isn't good enough, they've always got to take it one step further.

I've always been able to remain friends with ex partners, but most of them can't handle it. I absolutely do not understand that. If I liked somebody enough to be in a romantic relationship with them, why would the end of the romance mean the end of the liking? It baffles me.

Didn't know some NTs make you feel you have to tread on eggshells around them.

That can certainly happen. Some NTs are volatile. Some are totally self centred, so if you don't pander to their inflated egos then the fur can start flying. They thrive on Drama with a capital D.

But you also know that not all NTs are like that, only some.