Plea: Running away from this life, need help on where to go

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I am a 26 year old aspie who just lost his wife and job and is living with his parents. I hate my family and I have no friends. Once January rolls around I will be getting in some student loans and I will be cashing out my 401k. I will be selling all my worldly goods and in February I should have $5-6k to leave this life behind forever. I will leave no trace of where I am going and do not wish to ever hear from anyone in this life again.

Before anyone says “think about what you are doing,” understand that I have. I have thought about it for a long time now. This is the alternative to suicide. I do not wish to live this life anymore and this is my last ditch effort to start a new.

My question is where do I go? Ideally I’d like to move outside of the United States. I’ve considered Canada and the UK but I realize obtaining a job in those countries would be difficult and I’d have to go through the process of obtaining a visa etc. The more logical solution would be somewhere within the US. My goal is to get a job quickly and start earning my way. I have a Biology degree, several credits of MBA courses, and am currently attending an online university for IT (have an A+ cert, working on a Networks+). My work history is abysmal and I have only worked retail. I also have no references because I do not want anyone to know where I am going. I understand the economy is s**t right now, but where can I move to that will give me the greatest chance for success? I have to also consider cost of living as where I move to because I am sure I’ll have to survive for a couple of months without a job.

Does anyone have experience doing this? Any words of wisdom? Any ideas on what my next steps should be or where I should move?

In this lousy economy/job situation, don't kid yourself about references. You are going to have a hard enough time finding a job with references. Your chances of finding a job in a new area without them is about nil, because you will be too much of a blank page for potential employers. They need to know something about you before they will take a chance on you, and not just what you tell them, either. They also want to check with the people in your references, so they can get a less biased view of you than your own. There are things you can do to mostly cut off your prior life, however.

1. First think about this real carefully, and make sure you really need and want to go through with such a major change. If you do, then continue with the rest of the list below.
2. Also, you sound seriously depressed. Before selling out and taking off, you should really see a therapist or doctor for a while. They may be able to help you out some.
3. Don't bother with other countries. It can be hard to get permits to be a foreign worker even at the best of times, and right now, most countries are having financial and job problems.
4. Figure out what sorts of jobs you would like to do, and that you are capable of doing.
5. Pick several areas of the US that you would like to live in, and then check job chances and rental markets in those areas, then you will be better able to decide where to move.
6. Don't use any relatives as references.
7. Don't give your relatives any forwarding contact info. That is, change your phone #, and your email address, not just your home address.
8. You will have to give the post office a forwarding address--it can be a post office box--in order to get the last of your mail, including any last minute bills.
9. Don't forget to give a new address to any companies you do business with, such as credit card companies, utilities, banks, etc., as you need to keep getting the old mail until you can upgrade to new companies in the new area.

You also need to consider your financial situation. The money from the sale of your stuff and cashing in your 401 plan won't last long. ( I had approx. 9 thou from an inheritance from my mother that lasted about 2 years, and I didn't spend it wildly--I'm not that type.) Also, you probably don't have that much in the plan because you haven't been working that many years yet, and--I believe there is a penalty for cashing it out ahead of retirement. I think you can transfer it to another form of retirement plan like an IRA, as long as you directly transfer it, without having the money pass through your hands in the process, without penalty, but if you don't put it into another retirement plan, you will lose some of the money to the penalty. So, don't be in such a big hurry to burn your bridges, instead please do look into getting help for your depression before you go any further with your plans, and remember, we on the spectrum are all:

A Different Drummer

If a man does not keep pace with his companions,
Perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears,
However measured or far away.

--Henry David Thoreau

Sound advice from questor. It may not be what you want to hear but it is sound advice even so. It may sound to you like we're ignoring what you have said, all the things you've thought about etc but that's not the case. I am paying attention to what you have said. I am merely trying to point out some of the pitfalls.

You sound somewhat desperate, and that's okay, but it's not a good frame of mind in which to push through major decisions. I agree with questor, please go and see a doctor now. I am relieved that you have put aside the option of ending your life. But the fact that you're even thinking about it is not a good sign.

I don't know about the US, in the UK the only job you might be able to do (and even that is increasingly difficult) without references or employment history is construction. Is that the sort of work you are capable of? It is physically very demanding and you say you've mainly worked in retail.

Your current plans are such that you may end up homeless and on the streets. You may hate your family but adding the lack of a roof over your head and food are not the sort of additional problems you need right now.

So, where to go? Doctor first. He may be able to get you other sources of support. Make sure if you move you have somewhere to move to. Use some of the money to take a bit of time off to just rest and recover from what has been a tough time.

You say you have no friends. I' ve read enough on WP to think that if you say that then it's true. And yet you managed to get married even if this has ended badly. It tells me you have social skills and I hope that in a new location the first thing to do is to make some connections with people. It may be the last thing on your mind right now (that's depression for you) but I hop you can a bit further down the line.

I don't recommend the UK. It's small ('slightly smaller than Oregon' as the White House put it in a press briefing to journalists traveling with President Obama to the UK), damp and the cost of living is higher than many parts of the US. Additionally you are bottom of the pile for employment because you will need a work permit and are competing with the entire population of Europe who don't. Unless you bring skills which aren't available in the local labour market, and have an employer willing to sponsor your work permit.

The rest of Europe has the added complexity of multiple languages. They all speak English, but do you speak French, German etc?

Canada has the advantage of being next door, and having working social security and healthcare. I don't know what formalities an American needs to live or work in Canada though.

Assuming you are a native English speaker, would teaching English be an option?

Well when I had that feeling that I really needed to get away and live a completely new life, I was pretty extreme. I just packed up my bags and flew to China on a one-way ticket. I taught there for almost 2 years and I loved it there. I came back to finish college to get my college degree so I can either go back to China again or try teaching in South Korea or Japan. I just don't want to ever have come back for not having a degree. I strongly believe that Asia is a great place for people with AS. Although at times people may seem oblivious to people with AS, most of the people I had met or even crossed paths with briefly have been really polite and friendly people. The entire time I was in China, Japan, South Korea, Thailand and Laos, I did not once get so angry with someone that I had a meltdown. I have had plenty of meltdowns living here in southern California haha. You probably aren't going to be interested in this idea, but I will just put it out there for you...teach English in Asia. You can try China, Japan, South Korea, Thailand, Malaysia Vietnam, Laos, or even countries like Mongolia, Cambodia, Indonesia and Bhutan. They are all desperate for English teachers and you can find a teaching job that pays a lot or decently well for the cost of living(in most of these countries).

A lot of people go to the Pacific Northwest to start over. Oregon or Washington. Then again, that would mean there are a lot of people there looking for jobs and places to live.

A friend of my older kids, who is about 24, found this co-op organic farm. I can get the details if you want, but they let you live there, they feed you, they give you pocket money and clothing, and teach you to work on the farm. You work on the farm. It's like a non-religious Kibbitz. If you are into that kind of thing I can find out the name of it for you.

Also, another friend of the kids just packed up last spring, put camping gear and a friend in his car and headed to Colorado. They stopped and camped at night on the way, camped when they got there until they found jobs, and then sublet an apartment. That doesn't sound appealing at all to me, but it might have when I was younger.

Frances

I did this last year, but I only had $200 in my pocket, so I feel like you will have a better time of it than me. "This is an alternative to suicide," exactly.

It never took me more than a couple days to find a new job back home because I was well connected and had good references in my town. In another town, my references are largely meaningless, and I've spent 4 or 5 months looking for a job in some places with no luck.

If I were you, I'd buy a small chunk of land at the south end of the Apalachians. Near Knoxville, TN, Asheville, NC or north of Atlanta or Athens, GA. The weather is mild, the cost of living's pretty cheap, people are very nice down there. Build a shack on the land, get a wood burning stove, plant a bog ol garden and you're set.

If work doesn't pan out now and then, you'd have a private safe haven to fall back on, and things to keep you occupied like chopping wood or improving your house.

That's a great idea. I have a similar idea for New Hampshire or Vermont here in New England, or maybe Maine. I found 2 land plots in Maine right on the border of New Brunswick for $5000, residential and already zoned and everything. Just the town had a population of like 1500 people and like 1/3 of the residents spoke French.

Really, with your decision though, I'm thinking you'll probably wanna do it suddenly so everyone else doesn't catch on to your plans, right? If so, this will make it a little harder, but what I'd recommend is, find the countries you wanna live in, and go on vacation there first. Or if you're thinking Europe, for example, find a way to travel to Europe and visit a bunch of the countries. You could go backpacking and do it cheap.

My countries on my like "list" would be Philippines, Poland, Vietnam, and Japan. It depends on what you want, really. In my opinion, the Philippines is GREAT for an Asian country if you don't mind it a little slummy. Most people already speak English, and I've read stories of guys that were total losers here with no girlfriends have girls love them in the Philippines. That, and cost of living there is cheap. Just a quick read on google, I found a 2 story apartment for rent in Cebu for $200 a month. So for me, the Philippines would be a logical choice, except it's a tad corrupt and everything there. Like during elections they have gun carry bans, because politicians try to take eachother out. Yeah... OH! In the Philippines, if you like shooting stuff, guns need licenses, but there's no restrictions on full auto and silencers. So that's pretty sweet. However, cars can't be RHD, so I can't get a Nissan Skyline unless I convert it to LHD, which is sorta sh***y. That and motorcycles I think still aren't allowed on the highway there, which is lame. I don't know, I used to talk to lots of Philippinos on messageboards when I used to airsoft, all really cool people.

Vietnam seems cool, but it'd probably be harder than the Philippines, and it's a sorta Communist country too. I like Poland mainly because almost all the native Polish people I've met in USA in my life have been really cool, and it's the side of my ethnicity I identify with most. I did a quick look, you can find houses there for like 20-30K. Relatively low crime and all that stuff, just not perfect. For me, all the Eastern Bloc countries would be on the table if I was considering a drastic move like you.

Japan, was my childhood dream land, I'd still like to go there to see if I like it, but from what I read, lots of emphasis on conforming, etc. However, as a foreigner living there, it seems like people won't really care about you, just for natives it's tough. Oh, and laws are sorta strict there. No guns at all (actually you can own a shotgun for hunting if you pass a psych eval), but thankfully the airsoft community, well, is the best there, as they invented airsoft. That, and since there's no guns, you can play airsoft in the streets without cops shooting you. So I guess it's a worthy tradeoff. I don't know, Japan, I consciously or unconsciously lust to go there, I listen to Japanese music all the time, watch Japanese stuff, etc. So I might just confirm my suspicions correct and prove the haters wrong and love Japan. OH! In Japan you can own a Nissan Skyline! That'd be sweet. You could have a R32 Skyline and like an Evo IV for like 3000 bucks each. So if you go to Japan, you could show all your friends your cool cars and laugh at them and their lame cars here in America.

Anyway, yeah, my thinking is, for doing something like this, you kind of want a more "foreign" country. My reasoning is that, in a more unfamiliar country, right, people will sorta put all your little oddities to the fact that you're a foreigner. Like my example is this, people say all Asians look the same. Usually white people say that. Asians meanwhile, can say the same thing about white people. It's not that our faces look more the same, it's just that we're more trained to recognize the differences in our own, and not in others. So I'd think UK or Canada would just suck for that. I think UK would just suck in general except for the fact I very much like most BBC shows compared to US TV shows. 18% sales tax there, dude, no thanks. That's just sorta my rationale. Anyway, what I'd recommend, if you're serious, just travel a little bit and go to your prospective countries and see which ones you like best. You don't want to do anything stupid, you know, but I think your decision to move is probably a good one for you, especially at this time, and if things don't work out in the other country, you have your parents in USA to go back to. Just don't do it "brashly" and think through everything you're doing logically.