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Kail
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18 Nov 2011, 9:03 pm

I really don't want to be here.

Why? infinity.

This world sucks, sure some things are great, but the over all is just too sh***y.

Sure, I could be here for eternity...

but I still strongly do not want to be here.



Claradoon
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18 Nov 2011, 9:32 pm

I don't want to be here either. But I've read that if I leave, I will create a situation in my family which will lead others to leave in a similar fashion, after motivating them with guilt and depression. So I'll stay. That's a decision I've put my foot down on lately. Also, the people I like, I'm reaching out. The people who do not cheer me, I'm getting rid of. And if I'm staying, I might as well figure out how to have fun - I forgot that long ago. I bought a cheap remote-control car - haven't seen a toy in years. It was actually fun. And don't live alone. A dog is great but attracts people. A cat is wonderful if you're up to scratch on cleaning out the box. Somebody to cheer you on would be helpful - is there a counselor or somebody?



Kail
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18 Nov 2011, 9:42 pm

Thank you,

The mental health access where I live is next to non-existant.

Also my dad thinks I'm crazy, and thinks I need to be in a psych ward.

My mother is why I've been depressed for a few years.

PTSD.

My dad also told me aspergers doesn't exist the other day... I was in neuroscience, and I read audaciously. There's not much I'm missing.

I don't like when people say things that aren't true, because they are so dogmatic they neglect the truth.

I'm completely lost :( All I have is me.



Kail
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18 Nov 2011, 9:45 pm

*Before Wrong planet, I thought I was completely alone.



Kail
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18 Nov 2011, 9:55 pm

I have sensory issues, specifically with noises, and my mom yelled at me severely, a few times.

She just kept saying sorry and then a week later do the same thing.

Not your house hold yelling, I had things thrown at me, she followed me, once across town chasing me in her car.

She slapped me, yelled ferociously! her face was read and I was having a meltdown from the noise. - Several times.

I'm not perfect, but I was a f*****g good kid.

I'm so hurt from her I don't know what to do. It's so slow, to get better.



Claradoon
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18 Nov 2011, 10:00 pm

Are you still living with them?

That decision I told you about, staying because I don't want to hurt my family - that came after a decade of having divorced my whole family and desperately trying to escape - it was building my own independent life that allowed me to circle back and pick up the good relatives.

Tell us more about your situation? Are you still in that situation with your mother?



Kail
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18 Nov 2011, 10:01 pm

I feel like the only way to live a normal life is to completely neglect and give up logic.

Everything is so messed up and irrational. I don't get it.



Claradoon
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18 Nov 2011, 10:03 pm

Okay, but do you live with your parents?



Kail
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18 Nov 2011, 10:04 pm

No, For the past 8 months I've been constantly begging her to leave me alone, and the only time she did was for my birthday, and then emailed me the day after saying a bunch of dramatic crap.

My step dad was being nice to me so i started to talk to him, and then right when i did he started to tell me off.

That was through only email contact.

I live with my dad. - but it's real weird, cause I feel like he lives in the 80's or something.



Claradoon
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18 Nov 2011, 10:07 pm

Hey, you're in Canada! Me too. Are you out west, from the sound of the name? I'm in Quebec.



Kail
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18 Nov 2011, 10:08 pm

Ontario :p



Kail
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18 Nov 2011, 10:14 pm

Can you tell me more about PTSD.

I got diagnosed with aspergers, and then lost funding. :(



Claradoon
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18 Nov 2011, 10:15 pm

For heaven's sake, you're right next door! :) I'm in Montreal.

I googled and found this - does it interest you?

North Lambton Social Services
59 King W, Forest ON NON 1J0
(519) 786-2334



Claradoon
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18 Nov 2011, 10:17 pm

Kail wrote:
Can you tell me more about PTSD.

I got diagnosed with aspergers, and then lost funding. :(


Did you look at this?

www.ptsdinfo.net



Claradoon
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18 Nov 2011, 10:22 pm

Kail wrote:
No, For the past 8 months I've been constantly begging her to leave me alone, and the only time she did was for my birthday, and then emailed me the day after saying a bunch of dramatic crap.

My step dad was being nice to me so i started to talk to him, and then right when i did he started to tell me off.

That was through only email contact.

I live with my dad. - but it's real weird, cause I feel like he lives in the 80's or something.


I *totally* understand about begging them to leave you alone, and then getting yanked back to them and so on. So you're living with your dad. Your best bet - I mean, this is what I did - is to cut all communications from other relatives. Mom & step-dad go in twit filter, along with the others. That's not easy to do, what with emotional ties and all.

That should buy you some space. In itself it's healing.

And hang out here, at WrongPlanet - you are not alone!



Claradoon
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18 Nov 2011, 10:25 pm

Kail wrote:
I got diagnosed with aspergers, and then lost funding. :(


Were you diagnosed by a psychiatrist?

I'm so sorry you lost funding - did they say why? Was it gov't or insce?