Are you attention - deprived?

Post Reply New Topic

This is something I got thinking about the other day. I was with this guy I've just started seeing and he kept asking me to talk because he was shy. I tried to keep talking but found it made me really uncomfortable. When he asked what was the matter I said, without thinking, "I'm not used to this much attention!". He seemed to think it was unusual. I thought it was unusual that he could go that long without telling me to shut the hell up.
After that I've been wondering if maybe the attention I get IS insufficient. When I think about it, my parents and older siblings do talk to me a lot. But they usually only want to be heard. I've had a lot of experiences where they've either completely ignored my responses or ridiculed them. It makes me wonder whether this has had an effect on my social skills. I'm not saying it's the root of all my problems, but perhaps if someone is already inclined to be socially awkward this sort of behaviour attributes to their problems. I'm interested to know if other people here have similar things to say regarding the amount of attention they get, and whether it's positive or negative.

I would like to have more social interaction where I can describe my interests, listen to people who interest me and have discussions and debates about interesting things. The social interaction I would like is information-exchange, not idle chatter or regurgitated news / TV / celebrity gossip.

Most of the social interaction that I have is not very pleasant.

I am deprived of positive attention and get way more than my fair share of negative which is why I don't like much interaction in public. I don't mind positive attention but if people are going to say stupid stuff and act stupid, they can leave me alone and not bother.
When people are nice to me, it's kind of shocking and, unfortunately, even that makes me uncomfortable.

It's nice that he was interested, but I understand your discomfort; you shouldn't have to shoulder all the conversation.

I think like anyone, on the spectrum or not, I want as much attention as I want, and no more than that. I think that's pretty universal, but I do realize I want less than most people do and that's hard for most people to understand.

It works the other way too. I don't like to give any more than I want either. I know that baffles a lot of folks that know me, especially family.

I'm just glad that none of them live close enough to drop over unannounced. I love them all, but I need my time.

I have done a lot of the listening, all my life, with people and in effect has nearly drained the life out of me and I am now very burned out. I want to be heard too, but I'm also extremely uncomfortable with any measure of attention or spotlight. Sort of like stage fright in the extreme which again inhibits my ability in most instances to project my own thoughts, needs or interests. I'm also fairly slow with doing so, while folks become bored very quickly, so in any event I'm strictly out of luck.

No, I get lots of attention because of my work, but it's not the kind I want really. It's like people just want so much all the time. It's about them usually, not me, and so often I feel like people just talk at me - like just sort of come and barf nonsense at me and then flutter away. Rarely are they interested in what I want to say and it seems like even if I decide to talk a little that it comes out all wrong or the other person just wants me to not talk. So I don't much. Maybe I am attention-deprived in a way, but even so, I don't care and would rather be left alone usually.

Depends on the attender - and the speed and intensitry of communication.

In most cases - the less attention I get the better.

Hard call.

I did a lot of things to get negative attention. Growing up, nobody really liked me, and I craved (like most do) to be wanted by someone. In time, I learned to accept being isolated from everyone, but that didn't mean in social situations I'd not "overdo" it in an effort to fit in and belong (often with the opposite effect).

I suppose if people would have bothered interacting with me in a more normal amount when I was a kid, I'd be more balanced in how much attention I desired as I got older.

i got either negative attention or no attention at all growing up. it comes from having a mom with a supposed mental illness who was a stay at home mother at the time when i was growing up (while parents were still married through life with mom) then my dad was in the air force, i hardly remember a day when he came home in a good mood (oh yeah! it was when he told us we were MOVING TO FLORIDA!!...but then again the day he retired from the service would count too)
When I had homework it was my mom who would help me but once my parents were divorced and I was living with my dad, I had to try to work on my own without help because he wasn't around or used the line "You're smart. you figure it out." but whenever I failed a test or got a bad grade .my dad did not consider a C a bad grade, but his second wife for some reason made it a rule that we should be punished for undesirable grades and since she was around during my middle school years, this only applied to D's and F's.
While we're on the subject of my ex-stepmother ( don't like her!) she often mistreated me and even tho i
was talked into agreeing to being adopted by this woman, I will never think of her as a mother figure b/c she never treated me with understanding. I remember saying something to her and my dad who was clearly brainwashed by the lovedrug at the time got in my face and went ballistic on me as if to defend her. He did this sometimes with her and now that he's married to wife #3 (yes he finally woke up and saw wife #2 for what she was and thus divorced her too) he does this a lot more. he'll go on vacations with her to far away places and sometimes i wonder where he gets the money, he buys a new car almost every other year (he stopped the "annual spouse upgrade" b/c he's happy with his current relationship which is good but his frequent "car to car" switchout and occasional getaways with his wife are going to break the bank someday. i mean he's got bills to pay, dogs to look after and a job to put up with (not to mention my brother still lives with him and pays rent)
My mom's doing good however, she's got a job at a vet's office in Hot Springs,Arkansas (as you probably have noticed, mom and i only see each other when we can seeing as we live in seperate states) she hasn't remarried but I do remember her having a boyfriend but he wasn't much of a catch either he was kind of a loser. AND HE LIED ABOUT HIS AGE TOO!!
the one thing i'll always remember was her leaving 3 children (me and my siblings) in my grandparents house while she payed this guy a visit. we disn't know how long she was gone all she said to me was "Could you watch your brother and sister while I'm gone?"
When my grandparents found out they were not happy b/c they were afraid something could have happened to us and me being epileptic and more prone to seizures then than I am now they were afraid I would have had a seizure with no one there but just my siblings and what could they do they were just kids? (my grandparents were away from the house visiting my now deceased great grandmother)

I'm not very good with paying attention at all. I usually just end up looking at the pattern in the wallpaper or something like that. I am very easily distracted. I'll often be in the middle of talking about something and I'll just suddenly stop, look at something and then point to it and say "wow, that thing there looks pretty cool."