Holiday Survival tips please - sensory overload ! !!

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There are certain aspects of the holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas) that I enjoy ... to a point ...

however, I have intense sensory issues, way too much this time of year. And I work retail which makes it worse.

I'm married to an Aspie, I'm a self diagnosed Aspie, one of our three teens is also. Typically we get stuff out after Thanksgiving, put up the tree and lights, decorate, get the music out, etc. but gawd, I dread it! Shopping gives me such anxiety - the choices, fighting the crowds, etc. I don't get much help from my husband. He doesn't follow direction very well, tends to overspend, or misunderstand what the gift lists are all about. He has a reading disability, and forgets verbal conversations

This year is especially problematic, I'm just beginning to function after a nervous breakdown ... I'd cancel the whole thing, just bring music into the house, but it'd be so disappointing to my youngest.

I'm looking for some very practical tips, the more explicit the better.

Try not to do too much when you're away. Take it easy. Avoid the markets and perhaps just lounge around the pool for a bit. Perhaps don't travel too far.

...Oh, you weren't talking about holidays were you? You were talking about Christmas and the like.

Have you thought of getting a dictaphone to carry around with you? It might help him remember conversations.

Try and go shopping after Crimbo or well before it - less crowds and more time to browse. Order stuff off the web if you can.

Do you spend much time socialising with others?

I found camping outside and long drives caused devastating sensory overload on family trips.

I do have a small recorder, hmmm, I'll think more about it. My immediate thought is that he can't even seem to get his cell phone used properly after 16 months of ownership. He might take it with but not turn it on, or it's on at home. Frustrating. that.

one thing I'm reminded of, not sure what triggered this, is to send him maybe with our daughter. But they'd both overspend. But I took his credit card away, and his debit card. OH then cash in an envelope that might work.

Not alot of time socializing, usually just a bit, definately not this year. My FIL died in February so my duties of hosting 'family' are over and done with. Thank god.

YES!

I've been wearing the ear muff type ear protectors at home. Not only for noise reduction but also it gives me nice proprioceptive that I crave. It's habitual now. Not the nicest 'look' but it helps me. I wish I had something for all the visual noise reduction!

when we used to camp, I'd take those ear muffs. Five of us in a tent or in camper, wow it was noisy and it helped me be able to sleep.

I know the feeling of having too much to do, not feeling able to deal with it, and being expected to do it and do it with a smile on your face. I have a few ideas for you.

First, make yourself a list of everything that has to be done. Divide that list into tasks. Do one task or part of a task per day. An example would be Monday; get lights and decorations from attic. Tuesday, sort through decorations, throw out broken ones, check number of hooks, etc. Wednesday, untangle and test lights. Thursday Buy bulbs and hooks needed. Friday, buy tree and set up in house. Saturday, decorate tree. That gives you a whole week to do your tree instead of in one frantic day.

For the outside decorations, pick a weekend and get the lights down a day or two before. Detangle one day and test, then buy the bulbs and staples, etc the next, then the next day put them up.

For your shopping, make your list and divide it up into different stores. Only go to one store a day, or every few days. Get everything you need from that one store. Since you work outside the home, I would hit a store on the way to or from work and do some shopping then, instead of one or two long days of nothing but shopping burnout.

Simplify your holiday dinners. Pick the meat, and then have everybody pick one or two side dishes they want. That way everyone has what they want but you don't have to go overboard and cook for three days. One dessert really is enough.

Set aside several days to wrap your gifts. Don't try and wrap them all in one night, unless you are only giving one present each. Or, if you have the money, have them wrapped at the store.

Give yourself limits. You have enough time to divide things up into minimum effort per day. Also, give yourself days off. You do not have to do it all, it does not have to be perfect. Embrace the concept of amnesty from doing everything.

If you have a messy house that you want to get cleaned up before the holidays, make a list and divide the chores into days. I can get a lot more specific on this if you want, and also direct you to another forum that might help you with that, where I am a member.

PM me if you want. I'm a Mom with holidays coming up and I never really feel like getting into it, but if I let my husband do it, it's done totally wrong and nobody is happy. I'll be glad to talk to you about this. We can share ideas and also commiserate.

Frances

I second most of what OliveOilMom said; I'm going to elaborate a little on a few points that might help.

When you make your list of things to do, make sure that everyone in the family knows that you're making one, and that if there is anything they want/need done, have them get it on the list. Divide up your list not only by what you need to do, but by what has priority over other things as well.

For things like decorating the tree, get a little help! If you, say, want to get everything out and sort it in one day, have your husband or one of the teens get the boxes out, and go through them yourself. A great way to keep lights from getting tangled is to roll up a few sections of newspaper together, wrap the lights around them, going from one end of the roll to the other, then wrap the whole thing in an old towel or twin sized sheet (my family has always done this and we've never had any trouble with tangled lights!); that makes unwrapping the lights and testing them much easier, as you can test them while they're still wrapped around the paper. Buying the tree and setting it up the day before you decorate is a good idea anyway, as it lets the tree settle and get used to the temperature in the house (if you get a live one, that is). And while you, say, get a little present-wrapping out of the way hidden in the bedroom, let the kids decorate the tree (just make sure to get the lights on the tree first!)!

If possible, combine picking up any extra hooks or lights with doing a quick stocking-stuffer trip; this has saved my dad's (an undiagnosed Aspie) butt many times in the past. Small stocking-stuffer type things are often near the christmas lights and ornament hooks so an extra two minutes may be all that is added to the trip.

Divide up any chores possible not only by day, but split them up as to who does them as well! You mentioned that you have teenagers? Make them get up and shovel the driveway if its needed! If you don't have snow, have them clean up a certain area of the house per kid; make them responsible for one room, or if the room is big, maybe half a room, with orders to neaten it up. With chores divided up like that, it keeps a lot of stress from you.

I find shopping online at home much better because I don't have to deal with stores. Plus I like being able to read reviews and check around and find the cheapest price. Plus there is sites like ebates where you can get a percentage back when shopping. Plus I like being able to shop at any hour in my pj's drinking coffee in peace and quiet.

My wife has found a way to make it easier on me---we do a lot of online shopping. I used to have to go to the quietest areas I could find in shopping malls during the holiday season because of the noise and crowds (sensory overload). Also, we used to go to her sister's house for New Years Eve---and they had a house full. When I finally hit my limit with sensory overload, I would retreat to a quieter area of their house---a bedroom. There I would turn off the lights and lie down with the door closed. Yes, I could still hear the noise, but it was at least muffled a bit. And I was away from the crowd. During the hectic time of these holidays, it helps to make some time for yourself where you have some private quiet time.

I was never able to sleep outside in a tent I stayed awake for most of the night on camping trips. When I was a younger I had severe Entomophobia, and OCD. The sounds outside and the sight of bugs would cause me to have meltdowns. I've become slightly less irritated as an adult but I still have my moments. My family was never understanding. My parents yelled at me making my psychological stress worse. One time it was so bad I didn't sleep for two days my parents took us home early because I wasn't sleeping and constantly freaking out. They didn't know I had autism and they blamed me for ruining family trips. I also got yelled at for not talking to family members, I honestly had no idea what to do or say life was very unfair growing up.

I've never really seen the point of going out and buying piles upon piles of crap for the holidays......and losing focus on maybe spending time with each other in a positive environment. I don't know about anyone else but frantically running around looking for the best deal, being stuck in rush hour traffic and snapping at each other because you're all stressed out about the shopping is not a very positive environment.

I mean I like the idea of holidays, but I hate what they have become.......So I usually don't do a lot on the holidays and I prefer not to go to the family get togethers because on top of already existing sensory overload I also have PTSD and so that makes it 10x worse. If they can't understand that well I can't be bothered with it..I mean its painful for me too so I don't need to hear about how upset everyone is......funny thing is when I do show up to those things everyone pretty much avoids me it's like I'm not really there anyways.

thank you SO much for your feedback - love to keep it coming!! !

here's my 'take away' so far:

1. Make lists - collaborate (not good at this)
2. Set limits - time, chores, money
3. Delegate
4. Shop online - or - send daughter (I can hang out at library while she/friend is at mall)
5. Utilize Quiet Area
6. Don't take crap - don't give crap