Right, I need a title. I've got some issues.

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Hi, I self diagnosed myself as an Aspie a few months ago, I've been reading tons of literature on the subject and almost made Aspergers and Autism into my new shiny little special interest. I find it interesting and I recognize so many traits or symptoms that apply to me. So you could say that I see myself as a person with Aspergers syndrome.

Now, the reason I write here now is because I went to an evaluation a few days ago. Where I met a doctor who asked lots of questions about my life and I filled out some questionnaires. I have kind of been looking forward to the day I could get an answer for real. Being self diagnosed is one thing, having it on paper means people can't say to you that you "don't look like an aspie" or dismiss you like a liar. So I went to this evaluation meeting and left with a feeling of unhappiness. First of, I missed some things I know I have problems with and second what if they come to the conclusion that I don't have Aspergers. Does that mean I have to start looking for answers all over again or was I just mistaken...what if I've been looking so hard for a place to fit in that I have missed something? What if I'm just wrong.

When I got back home from the hospital I sat in the couch by my mum and watched some TV when she told me that she didn't believe I have Aspergers at all. That I seemed to normal. And it felt as though she betrayed me.

Since then I've felt as though a huge burden have settled on my shoulders. Because if it turns out I have Aspergers and will continue towards a real diagnosis, my mum will have to try and accept that...what if she can't? Once she told me that if it turns out I have Aspergers she worried that I'd take on some strange symptoms..! Like I would want to have more than the ones I've got..if I got them.
And then again, what if I don't have Aspergers? My mum is going to get this "I told you so" mentality and forget the whole thing. But I'm probably going to keep searching until I find something that fits. Because normality does not. I feel like an alien sometimes. I never fit.

And now I'm going through some f****d up phase of chaos and disorder. Yesterday I was in the store getting some groceries and I got an headache and got so stressed an kept thinking that the lights were to bright and I fought the urge to run away. Of course I get the idea that I might have some sensory issue or something and then I get the feeling like I don't have the right to feel I do because I probably don't feel like this anyway What the hell? Right.

Does anyone know anything that will help? Or you could just take turns and say how crazy I am.

Why dont you just trust your own good judgement?

Instead you pay to go to trained people

it aint hard to tell

yeah I know the feeling since I found out about ASD 8 months ago and now I have to go through some talks with a guy at unemployments office, to see why I can't keep a job and I fear they might just consider me as normal with a few issues like not being assertive enough.. so I'll be put in a course for assertiveness or so

Indeed, the psychologists aren't always right. I got a degree in psychology myself, in the area of abnormal psychology and I know some just make a quick judgement. I didn't even know about Aspergers myself, how stupid is that ?

I know exactly how you feel. I'm going to see the psychologist who's been evaluating me for the last time a week from now to find out her verdict. Like you; I'm most worried that she'll say it's not Asperger's and that I was wrong. I also feel like there are so many things I could have told her that I left out. She asked me some things that I found unsettling at our last session, like why I wanted a diagnosis and if I would be disappointed if something was wrong with me other than Asperger's.

It's nice to know that someone is feeling the same way as me right now; let us know what happens!

Is she basing her assessment just on interviewing you or has she done some kind of formal testing? I was interviewed for an hour at an autism centre and told unofficially that it was "clear" that I had AS. However, for the formal tests I now have to wait 15 months! A weird situation. Why are you worried that she might say it's something else that is wrong with you? I ask because presumably she'd be able to tell you what it was; you wouldn't just be left hanging with no explanation or closure. I would settle for an alternative explanation but I think it will be pretty bizarre if I have the tests after a 15-month wait only to be told I don't have AS without any other explanation for everything that needs to be explained. If that happens I'll give up trying to find a reason why I spent much of my childhood sitting alone stimming and all the other things and just treat such anomalies as a mystery.