Now I'm usually fine about parties. I'll just hit the beers and strike up a conversation with a house plant.
Today my brain has been in a mess and I think it's my anxiety about tonight that's doing it.
I've felt this type of hyperactivity in my brain that feels like it could cripple me. I had a mini seizure and lost some mobility.
I've been writing really insane stuff in this forum all day and had to go away from it and eventually felt too mentally slow to respond to any threads.
I've had vivid hallucinations when I was trying to walk down the street, that kind of made me giggle.
I think I've just been over socialised even though just yesterday I thought I was doing fine.
Just recently my niece's came over and I felt super awkward trying to talk to them like cats (see previous post about that - I basically can baby talk to a cat but not a child). And I feel super awkward when trying to engage in conversation with people that come over.
I'm not sure what I'll do tonight. I'll have to eat or I'll pass out. Right now I can barely go downstairs to fetch myself a snack. Touching alcohol could be lethal. Imagine the type of crap I'd spurt out, or I'd probably just black out.
Maybe my house mates should see what happens to me when under stress. I mean shutdowns and being supremely quiet, not tearing the house apart because everyone is hurting my brain.
What do you think I should do? I haven't even dressed up. I'm seriously tired of making myself look presentable. It's a school formal after party too. But I'm not going to the formal, just staying in my house that will be taken over by 18 year olds in a couple of hours. I'm also getting tired of irresponsible young people and trying to fit in with them. I actually don't care but they're always around and I should say something to them, right?
I've been far too over focused today that when I stop I can't move on to the next thing or I forget to eat or I suddenly remember there's a party here tonight.
22 Nov 2011, 1:14 am
