Do We Appear Too Close To Normal

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I often wonder if I had a more noticeable disability like downs syndrome or maybe mentally handicapped that people would be more accepting of me and my short comings. But because aspies leaves me so dang close to normal I feel that they expect more out me then what I can give and then when I don't because it is not in me to give they become upset and leave because they think that I am doing it on purpose and finally give up and leave. But I know that the same people would stick it out with guy that appeared more low functioning and really appeared disabled.
For example I know this one couple who took on a young adult who was really DD and they took care of for three months before it became to much for them and they had to give him back to the parents, and yet after two weeks of me living with these same people they where barley talking to me and complete ignoring me. I often wonder if I was more like that kid they took care of would they of had more compassion and understanding of my short comings. That if I appeared less normal than what I do would people be more understanding?
I think that is one of the reason why I hate being aspies is because it is like being in limbo between two worlds. One the NT's world the other Autism but because I am kind of mixture of the two I do not seem to have a place where I quite fit in at all.

Sounds familiar. A lot of the same things have crossed my mind.

I am confused by a couple of things in your story though.

First, what do you mean by "DD?" There are so many acronyms used for multiple meanings, and that one (DD) appears to have a lot of different meanings. Which one are you referring to?

http://www.acronymfinder.com/DD.html

Second, on the one hand you say that you wonder if you were more like "that kid" if the family taking care of you would have more compassion for you, but on the other you said they couldn't handle "that kid" and returned him to his parents. That doesn't sound like compassion for that kid.

I'm confused.

I also feel like I'm ''sitting on the line'', where I'm too ''neurotypical'' to receive the help I need, but too ''disabled'' to get the job I want. It's so difficult. I am 21 now and I've just about got some counselling, but it's not really the counselling I really wanted because this sort of counselling is more for NTs who have had marriage problems or other problems like that, or who suffer with depression or something. But the Adult Disability Support services won't seem to let me in, even though I've been to the doctors countless times and he has referred me to these special support workers countless times, but I still can't get in because I'm too ''normal''.

It's really tough when you're in between both. It's like half of me is Autistic and half of me is NT, and so I'm neither here nor there really. I'm too ''normal'' to say I'm Autistic but I'm too ''Autistic'' to say I'm NT. Even though I was diagnosed with high-functiong AS (or mild AS) when I was 8, but sometimes high-functioning AS can still feel like being half Autistic and half NT. I just wish it was all or nothing, really. I just wish I was either severe enough to be on benefits and need 24-hour care and not be self-aware, or was just a normal-functioning NT who doesn't have much barriers in the way of finding a regular sort of job like in retail. I don't want to be in between. That's where life is most difficult.

Also it's REALLY difficult where you have a phobia of rejection and humiliation, but at the same time you are clueless of how to function in society trying to avoid rejection and humiliation. So it's like I am too self-aware for my own good but I'm powerless to do anything about it, or too thick to know what to do about it.

I feel I am not aspie enough to tell people I have it and I feel I am too different so I am in between two worlds.

So true. I can't get the help I need because of this, and it's not because I don't need it.

I feel like this a lot. Kids say I do things on purpose and that I am a faker(very false btw). I have a friend who is not as high functioning as me and they baby him but treat me like crap. They still bully the friend once in a while anyway, the other day they were pushing him and forcing him to hug kids while changing in the locker room, the teacher yelled at my friend even though it wasnt his fault...

I don't feel as if I am particularly close to normal but that the lack of physical visibility of my autism combined with the absence of a noticeable cognitive delay gives some the idea that as an autistic person I must be "close to normality" and that (my) autism is a matter of "not trying hard enough" to be like everyone else.

If you don't come across as different enough, wearing a tin foil helmet is an assured way of standing out in a crowd. ;)

I see what your saying. See it seems whenever NTs see a difference that is so close to normal, they dont perceive it as a disability, they see it as something else; being rude, being a b***h, being a jackass, being annoying, being psychotic, being a weirdo, etc. Even for people who are adhd, people make a joke out of it. And they think adhd people are just really annoying. People are less aware of aspergers, but soon enough were gonna have our own sorta brand of stereotypical annoyingness in peoples mind.Even tho people are aware of adhd and that is technically a disability, they have no sympathy for people with it. It seems that aspergers is sorta in a similar societal category because we are so close to normal. But we still might get more sympathy because were connected to autism. I dont know why, it seems that autism is one of the most hated disabilities on the planet.

But yeah, I do come across as so close to normal where no one is aware that theres anything there. Even my profs. One has a background in psych and reads people so well didnt know what to make of me. The other prof is a educational specialist who deals with many on the spectrum didnt know I had aspergers when I told her.

One problem with AS, is that it doesn't always present outward signs & symptoms, so we. for all practical purposes, appear very normal/NT. But no one can see what's going on inside of us: how we think, perceive, & understand the world around us. A lot of us also learn to (even unconsciously) hide our more outward mannerisms, like stims. I know that for me, trying to appear more NT became both a coping mechanism and a survival skill. I've also learned to fade into the background so as not to be noticed as much. So ask any of my friends and family who don't know I have AS, and they will say I'm NT as anyone else.

The so called "uncanny valley" affect... I do believe that does explain a big part of it perhaps.

As for some links of interesting reads on the subject...

Wikipedia: Uncanny Valley

http://www.shiftjournal.com/2010/04/30/autism-and-the-uncanny-valley/

Edit: another interesting link from the same site/blog. http://www.shiftjournal.com/2010/05/07/mountain-goats-of-the-uncanny-valley-2/

It's horrible because my condition isn't obvious. It is very obvious when I sit and tell my counsellor how I feel about everything and how I react to everything, but otherwise it is not visible when it comes to my actions or even my speech. But some people consider me weird, or if not weird, just stupid. I think being called weird is worse than being called stupid, because I've known people with a high state of stupidity to be socially popular, while weird people just attract other weird people and normal people are just afraid of you. I don't like living a life with people being afraid of me yet at the same time taking advantage of me. That's like playing mind games with me all the time.

But I always catch people out. I look ret*d from the outside, and I have the face which tells people that they can treat me how they want and get away with it (due to difficulties of standing up for myself), but inside I already know that they're treating me how they want and that they're actually being nasty, although they're thinking that I don't know that they're being nasty and exploiting me. So knowing this, I actually do feel happy with myself, and so when I'm away from those sorts of people, I can make up lies or just think of ways to avoid them, and they soon know that I had realised and that they haven't gotten away with exploiting me, and they then end up looking stupid in the end. Then I have the excuse to say, ''I'm not as ret*d as I look!''

I'm glad if I am able to pass for normal (whatever that is) as much as possible, because I really can't stand to be treated like there is anything wrong with me. But it is really exhausting trying to do what I'm supposed to, blend in, keep a job and all that. I manage to get by but it just takes a lot out of me. I don't feel like I have a real life at all.

In school once my teachers realized I was "smart" I was held to a higher standard. If I ever asked for help with anything I was told in this nasty way, "oh you're so smart, you don't need any help." They gave me more and more work to do, and I could do it, I guess it looked like it was easy for me but it wasn't easy at all. It was hard! I knew that there was something about me, something about the way my brain worked, that they didn't understand. They just saw me as the "smart kid" and didn't see what was actually going on inside my head. I cried every day at school. I never told anyone but I was actually convinced I had a brain tumor.

Pretty much everything in my life follows that pattern - people just assume that things are easy for me.

Yeah. AS is a no man's land in which there's just enough wrong with us for it to have a negative effect on our lives, but not enough for anyone to understand that it's a legitimate disorder.

I do think some aspies appear close to normal, esp the ones that upload videos of themselves on YT.

This whole appearing normal, but in reality I'm not that normal effects me as well, but I can't really explain this clearly. But I certainty agree with the general vibe of this thread.

I don't think it's a matter of "just enough to have something interfere with my life, but not enough for anyone to understand."

I think it's more "There's a lot about it that interferes with my life, but the obvious signs of it are largely invisible to people who don't know what to look for."

That is, how much people notice I might be autistic is not relevant to how severe my difficulties are (not specifically "how severe my autism is," but how severe my difficulties are). Anyone who interacts with me for a few minutes might assume I'm a fully functional adult. Anyone who spends a day with me knows I have weird routines and can be really smart/competent at esoteric things and have trouble with everyday routine things. Anyone who spends a year with me might wonder how I never managed to starve myself to death.