Denial

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Hi everyone, I'm pretty new to the forums.

I really don't know why but recently I can't seem to accept my diagnosis of Asperger's. It made so much sense before but now I feel like maybe I was misdiagnosed. I find my current feeling confusing and annoying - I wish I just felt the way I did before. I think perhaps part of the reason is that I don't think that other people accept my diagnosis. Could anyone offer any advice about acceptance of diagnosis/misdiagnosis/views of other people on diagnosis etc.?

Thank you.

The first thing that comes to mind is just read more, and just get more to relate to. Sometimes people just don't believe that you can possibly be autistic because they think of only the non-verbal kid as all autistic kids. The truth is, that even though that there are many of us who can have independent lives that struggle with the same things to varying degrees.

Getting yourself more to relate to helps. Participating in these forums should help, reading autobiographies of people with AS should help, and just letting people including yourself have time to get used to it should help.

Thanks for your response. A lot has changed in my life recently and I think perhaps this is the main factor in me doubting my diagnosis...
I have read quite a few books on Asperger's syndrome, but not autobiographies - do you have any recommendations?

As you are female too, the two books I was recommended were Aspergirls and Pretending to be Normal. The latter is an autobiography, while the former is looking at similarities between multiple cases of female Asperger's.

Thank you.

I accepted that I am not a normal person a long time ago, way before I heard about Aspergers. I have been unsuccessfully treated for general anxiety for 4-5 years. I'm going to undergo some testing and seek more opinions but I honestly would welcome any definite diagnosis. Aspergers or not. If I do get diagnosed with Aspergers I will stop messing around with medications and seek to make changes in my life to make me more comfortable. I think I'd rather be diagnosed with AS than anxiety. AS just means you're different and you can decide to make changes to your life, ask for certain accommodations at work, etc. With anxiety it's just medications and I hate drugs.

Perhaps you will come to terms with it soon. It takes a while....

I think I finally came to terms with it somewhat since I made this thread!

When put in a context of conversion to Christianity a believer will question their salvation from time to time. I listen to a radio program called 'The Jesus Show' and the "Holy Host" will tell the doubting callers that it's the same as sane and rational people periodically questioning their own sanity, and only the truly crazy will steadfastly deny they could ever be out of touch with reality. I'm finding a lot of parallels between AS and spirituality

You've received your diagnosis, it will never go away however some of the traits may fluctuate. My form of denial was for a long time actively avoiding such a diagnosis due to "The 'A' Word" and wanting to be accepted as a true peer though my best efforts still left me in the ditch, life would have been much different if I 'resigned myself' to it earlier

It basically took 4 years from when I was first diagnosed until right now for me to start accepting my diagnosis, I believe this is due to my greater self-awareness now. I am now able to recognise traits in myself that I did not recognise previously, I can now manage to see that this is the correct diagnosis, and I'm proud of it!

I've never felt denial about my HFA diagnosis - but I think that's because I was diagnosed at a young age, so for pretty much as long as I can remember I've had the diagnosis.

I have never had any denial about a diagnosis. Denial is a form of lying, which is something I seem incapable of doing.

I understand this, but the problem was that at the time I posted this thread, I was incapable of recognising my ASD traits, so it wasn't denial as such, just a lack of recognition of the Asperger's traits I express.

I always knew I wasn't normal, then came the diagnosis. At first I refused to believe because the stigma in our particular community. Anyone who had autism or Aspergers, etc. were branded as inferior to the rest of the population. Add to that the conservative (extreme fundamentalist) Christian aspect and you were additionally labeled as a demon-possessed person of weak moral constitution. Stereotypes about lax parenting, immoral family or "druggie parents" were all too common. I only accepted the diagnosis after countless hours of research kept reinforcing the diagnosis: there was no way of denying it. I was initially concerned that it would come to define me as an individual and undermine any accomplishments ("well, that must have been a fluke, it's not like he's smart enough to be able to do that" or similar assumptions). In fact, I still have concerns about how others in my field would see me if they knew and whether or not my employer could magically create a reason for firing me due to my diagnosis.

I strongly recommend an anthology called Women from another planet. It's written by women on the spectrum.

A lot of people find it interesting that I've been diagnosed for almost as long as I can remember, yet I've never ever read a book written by someone on the spectrum (as far as I know - that is to say, I've never read one about being on the spectrum at all). I tell them I have HFA, then they say "oh, have you read blahblahblahblahblah" to which they are surprised to hear that I have not.

I think it's because I've never felt at odds with my autism - I learned I had it at an age where I was too young to really understand what it meant, and so it didn't mean anything bad, I just "had autism" and I thought that that was perfectly fine and normal. By the time I realized more and more what it meant, it had already been firmly set in my mind that I had it and I felt neutral about it.