Nervous energy but today was "As Good as it Gets"

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Too much nervous energy and want to emotionally overeat

But today was "As Good as it Gets":

Slept fine
Bowel movements not that bad
Perfect weather
Zero loading
Nobody bothered me today
Tattle tale tom absent
Buses came quickly
Zero physical pain and zero symptoms


Nervous energy even though, usually around 8 to 9am exhausted. On the bus to work or at work.

Not going to be able to work much longer. Exhausted all the time. A couple of years ago an extremely fat dude named Adam worked there and he could barely walk but he was a lot attendant. Could not imagine what kind of diseases and physical pain he had. My worthless corpse deteriorating decomposing and rotting and only 41 years old, 115#.

Plenty of precious lil "people" much fatter than me, work two full time jobs, standing up. Restaurant retail sales. Manual labor, childcare. Unskilled labor. How do they do it?

Heart feels like it can't be at as fast as when I was younger

It sounds like today actually had some nice moments (no stress, good sleep, decent weather – those things add up), so maybe it’s worth celebrating the little wins where you can. As for the work stuff, it's totally normal to feel exhausted, especially when you're running on low energy. Sometimes, pacing yourself and focusing on one thing at a time helps, even if it’s just a tiny thing.

private pyle

today, was also "As Good As it Gets". nobody bothered me. zero symptoms. zero physical pain. good weather. good sleep. my sister talked to the insurance for me and arranged for me to purchase Aetna insurance next year. $24.60 deducted from each of my paychecks. i am so f*****g grateful my sister has helped me in numerous ways. she's helped me a lot more than i have helped her. my sister is the least wrong person i have ever interacted with in any significant way.

after the phone call, i took a long walk to whole foods. tempeh sandwich. delicious. got back to my house. felt like gorging.

sometimes doing one thing at a time is good. some jobs require multitasking though.