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jc6chan
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05 Oct 2010, 9:47 am

Why do I sometimes forget to have good manners? Yesterday my housemate told me he had a midterm and I forgot to say "good luck". Today, he asked me if I needed to go buy groceries (since he has a car and he needed to go buy some groceries himself). I just said a "No." and that was it. A few seconds later I realized I should've said "But thanks for asking." Its weird because when the conversation is happening you forget or you can't think of these things to say but at the same time, I know very well what I was supposed to say.



Autumnsteps
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05 Oct 2010, 10:33 am

My son has often has poor manners and like you he knows he should say these things and often realizes after the event that he forgot. He has improved over time so maybe you will as well :)
Myself I'm the opposite and am often told I am overly polite :roll: I just like to make sure I got it right and haven't upset anyone



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05 Oct 2010, 10:45 am

I've also been taunted for being overly polite. A younger woman at my clubhouse once laughed at me, because I was so polite on the phone.


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jc6chan
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05 Oct 2010, 10:52 am

Autumnsteps wrote:
My son has often has poor manners and like you he knows he should say these things and often realizes after the event that he forgot. He has improved over time so maybe you will as well :)
Myself I'm the opposite and am often told I am overly polite :roll: I just like to make sure I got it right and haven't upset anyone

how old is your son? When I was a child, I always had to be reminded by my mom to say thank you.



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05 Oct 2010, 10:54 am

Sometimes a person will ask a group of people "Would anyone like a cup of tea?" and I answer "No thank you" (or "Yes please"), but they get all upset because they were asking the group and not just me. I don't see any way of politely answering this question.



jc6chan
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05 Oct 2010, 10:54 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
I've also been taunted for being overly polite. A younger woman at my clubhouse once laughed at me, because I was so polite on the phone.

Its never a bad thing to be too polite.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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05 Oct 2010, 12:44 pm

jc6chan wrote:
. . . Today, he asked me if I needed to go buy groceries (since he has a car and he needed to go buy some groceries himself). . .

"No."

[a beat, a second beat.]

"But thanks for asking."

And that's the skill of recovery!



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05 Oct 2010, 12:46 pm

keep it short and sweet, keep it good-natured, appreciate the other person as a real human being (although perhaps quite different from you!), and that is basically it



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05 Oct 2010, 1:02 pm

I don't mean to be rude, but I forget the "polite" stuff I'm supposed to say a lot. My Mom still always tells me to do that stuff if she's around and I don't do it.



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05 Oct 2010, 1:31 pm

StuartN wrote:
Sometimes a person will ask a group of people "Would anyone like a cup of tea?" and I answer "No thank you" (or "Yes please"), but they get all upset because they were asking the group and not just me. I don't see any way of politely answering this question.


I can't see why they'd get upset, unless the question is purely rhetorical, and I can't really think of a situation where that would make sense. If you don't say anything, what do the others in the group say, and how is it received? I don't see any reason they would interpret you as answering for anyone but yourself, but since they seem to, maybe making that part clear would make it more acceptable? Something like, "None for me, thanks. Anybody else?," or "If you're making some, I'd take a cup - but don't make a pot just for me. Is anybody else interested?" :shrug:



Autumnsteps
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05 Oct 2010, 1:38 pm

jc6chan wrote:
Autumnsteps wrote:
My son has often has poor manners and like you he knows he should say these things and often realizes after the event that he forgot. He has improved over time so maybe you will as well :)
Myself I'm the opposite and am often told I am overly polite :roll: I just like to make sure I got it right and haven't upset anyone

how old is your son? When I was a child, I always had to be reminded by my mom to say thank you.


He is 13 and I have always had to remind him to say please and thank you etc, he has never seemed to quite grasp the concept



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05 Oct 2010, 1:49 pm

The concept of manners is stupid. You have to come out with programmed responses else the person you're talking to will have negative thoughts about you... :roll:



jc6chan
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05 Oct 2010, 3:02 pm

Autumnsteps wrote:
jc6chan wrote:
Autumnsteps wrote:
My son has often has poor manners and like you he knows he should say these things and often realizes after the event that he forgot. He has improved over time so maybe you will as well :)
Myself I'm the opposite and am often told I am overly polite :roll: I just like to make sure I got it right and haven't upset anyone

how old is your son? When I was a child, I always had to be reminded by my mom to say thank you.


He is 13 and I have always had to remind him to say please and thank you etc, he has never seemed to quite grasp the concept

I think I was still like that when I was 13. In fact, I don't think I really got the basics of manners until I was in university. But its different for everyone. For me, the only way I learned how to be independent and live in the REAL world is when I moved out to university. Had I not moved out, I might still be a "mommy's boy".



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05 Oct 2010, 7:33 pm

My manners took work. jc6chan, I think we do this because we're thinking specifically about the task at hand, not the social conventions around the exchange of information. When I was a teenager I became obsessed with the history of ettiquette even though I didn't socialize...kekeke...I just realized the irony of that.... Anyway, none of that stuff made sense so I really tried hard to sort it out. I had to be constantly reminded to start conversations with "Hi, how are you?" wait, etc. "I'm fine, thanks" instead of jumping right into what I wanted to say. I can still forget sometimes but I never used to bother.

I think polite things like that can be thought of like proper code - most people need them in order just run the algorithm.