Loneliness vs feeling more comfortable alone

Post Reply New Topic

Back story: For the past year or so Ive been sinking more and more into agoraphobia, For some reason I started to hate going out and suffered pretty severe panic attacks when I did; sweating a lot and having trouble breathing etc when i was in crowded places alone, like the supermarket or shopping centre. Recently Ive been trying really hard to beat these demons and have been attempting to get out and meet some new friends, as my self isolation had pretty much driven away all my old ones over time.

I guess my problems are that Im not used to dealing with other people anymore, I find it really stressful and end up avoiding contacting people even though I really want to. Like If someone texts me Ill put off replying for a really long time, even though I know its annoying when that happens, but I just find it hard thinking of things to say and end up obsessing over that. So I avoid it, and put it off for hours while I waste my life doing pointless stuff like playing videogames or surfing the net aimlessly like Ive done for so long, just because im afraid of getting out of my comfort zone. What I really need is someone who will push me to do this. But finding that person is proving really hard, mostly because Im afraid of opening up and telling people about what im going through in case they think im strange.

Im really starting to think Im just destined to be alone, which makes me feel almost suicidal if im honest. I want to get back to how I was before, I remember having friends and an active social life, Its amazing how much my life has gone downhill in such a short space of time, its like it all just crept up on me.

Sorry for being a downer, just really needed to vent. If anyone has any experience with this type of thing feel free to post advice etc. God knows I need it.

I am not the best person to provide you with advice, so that's not what I'm going to attempt here. First of all, you're juxtaposing loneliness and feeling more comfortable alone in the thread title, but I'd say it's pretty clear you're lonely as opposed to comfortable alone. You say you used to have an active social life. Would it be in any way possible for you to reach out to some of your old friends and ask them to come over, or to accompany you outside to wherever you'd want to hang out? I know you've described your anxiety about this because of your no longer being used to socialising anymore, but perhaps it's a bottleneck you need to go through, and you could face down the anxiety you'd feel in dealing with those other people, and it may feel easier each time you do it until you're comfortable about it once more. You know what they say, the first step is a doozy.

Also, you could retrace the path your life has taken which has brought you to where you are now, and then maybe retread those steps backward and see what went 'wrong' so to speak, so that you may address the smaller problems that make up the one big problem.

I myself am a person without much of a social life, barring my relatives (mostly my mother), one friend, and one acquaintance. I get along horribly with most of my current colleagues. I'd like to have more friends, but I don't know how to strike friendships. Lord knows it wasn't for lack of trying!

And don't worry about venting here at any time. That is one of the forum's major purposes, to provide a platform, a stage where people may lay down their troubles and acquire some advice.

sometimes i can be lonely like maybe during the day. but during mornings and nighttime, i like to be alone.

mornings i need time to myself to get ready for the day. and at night it is alone time to unwind and relax.

I love the company of people, when they are good. But I am fussy - no airheads - no egomaniacs...

Then again that is when it is convenient for me. But I love their company none the less.

But how I cherish my time alone. Learning a new programming language. A new synthesizer. Or maybe just watching some far out porn. j/k, n/r...

Some of these experiences are more rewarding than others.
I also cherish time with my family. My Mum is just recovering from a serious illness.
I don't know what I would do without her. I am independent enough - more than a lot of men that need a mother - figure to wash their socks. But I would not want to live in a world without her.

So no, don't need people, just nice sometimes - no man is an island etc...

I've given up ever meeting any interesting 'Autistic' people - they just don't seem to exist in real life. I have to make do with NT Types. Then again Aspies drive me up the wall and make me want to cry out loud... but maybe one day I will meet one and we will get on...

Kind of frightening how much I can relate to this. I cannot provide you with any good suggestions though, as I'm pretty much in the same situation as you are right now myself.

I quite often feel more lonely around people than when I spend time alone.

I prefer being alone. Granted, when I was younger there were occasionally times when I did want to be with people, but I got over it. I found people too difficult to deal with on a regular basis, so now I am a hermit by choice.

Fortunately, I am not an agoraphobe, and can behave okay with people when I have to run errands. However, due to other health problems I am rarely able to get out. I am usually too tired and don't have enough energy, and I have an irregular sleep/wake schedule.

I think you do want to hang out with people sometimes, but like me, sometimes find them difficult to deal with. There is no easy solution to this problem. Like you I need alone time, but in my case I need it almost all of the time. I wish I had more ideas on how to resolve this situation, but I am in my 50s and still haven't figured it out.

Can you find a way to socialise gently, not in crowded places or supermarkets, not in situations where there is any stress to talk - something like a community clean up project, a community allotment or a conservation project clearing rhodedendrons.
or maybe a ramble, where is perfectly okay to be out the house doing something interested, with people, but there is not pressure to talk if you dont feel like it.
Take it gently.