Hi, my name is William, I'm 23 and As a child I was prescribed with ADHD, after reading how many kids end up being prescribed with ADHD I don't see it being a automatic sign of being autistic as some have told me though. I can confidently say I am "different" then the average person around my age, but it could be due to different interests in combination with preferred isolation over socialization. Below I'll list some points about myself, any response will be read and thank you ahead of time. Not looking for some cop-out like some of my friends say but more some answers from the people who would know best.
-I am a perfectionist too a level that can be detrimental at times. Ever since I was a kid, I always wanted to be the best in anything I got into. This ranged from soccer in which I played from ages 6-13, won states twice, went to nationals twice and played in ODP. The strategy behind the game always was a big aspect to me even at a early age, never was good at the social aspect though and is the real reason I quit. After I quit Soccer I found paintball to be a good escape, it was fast paced, had a similar strategic element that I was looking for, and gad a element of isolated effort combined with a team aspect, something soccer was lacking. As obsessive I was into these activities, never once did I have a lack of balance, which is one of my doubts on me have Asperger's since it seems to be a large factor with most.
-I wear cloths on a set schedule, from work clothes, to going out clothes to nightwear, I get bothered when I differ from my habitual routine involving what I am wearing as crazy as that sounds.
-Socially I seem lost. From Eye contact to more subtle jokes, I am completely just lost. If its a subject I know, I can talk for absolute hours like politics, science and other base subjects I've always favored and read about. At work it was a joke for awhile to try and make eye contact with me, or talk about subjects I wasn't informed about and see how long till I walked away or became socially awkward. When I am out either shopping or eating, I can almost sense the other person knowing I am "different" by their speech. Will generally start friendly and then switch to a more skittish reaction to me. I don't know if this is due to my lack of eye contact, my initial "Hello"(Which i try and rehearse right before saying it) or my body mannerisms(I really have no knowledge of how to use body language or read it, so mine ends up being exaggerated I've been told).
-I am painfully un-empathetic. The biggest example I can think of that made me want to hit my head against a wall was when my best friend since 4th Grade father passed away. We were 18 at the time and I can remember walking across the street to his house as they pulled him out on a stretcher, my friend looked at me and just broke down and cried(hes 6'3 260lbs so not a usual site), even though his father was like a second dad to me, I was unable to draw any emotion, was just able to pat him on the back in a general sympathetic way. This is something that really made me angry with myself to be honest, felt like a ***hole for the longest time.
-Work has always been a struggle for me in the social area. I've been actively working since I was 11. Started out with a neighborhood lawn cutting service with my best friend until the age of 13 in which my uncle allowed me to work along side him doing small contracting work. Hes a licensed carpenter but was always able to secure under the table jobs for a wide array from plumbing to yard work. The one thing these two jobs had in common was my inability to deal with the customers, my friend would handle the face time with the lawn service, and I'd hide in my uncles truck as he dealt with customers and employees alike. At the age of 16 my grandfather secured me a "real job" at a local everything store named "Benny's". I owe a lot to who I am at the moment because of my time at retail, it taught me small talk is unavoidable and advancing in the world is on your shoulders and you'll have to take risks to see rewards. Around the age of 20 I left the store because of depression, wasn't a suicidal down that is usually depicted by the news but more of a seeking for isolation that I looked for. At 22 I ended up landing a job at the "Benny's" warehouse, where I remain today. The job pays well but I am nothing like any other employee. One positive thing I can say about myself is my work ethic, I take great pride in my ability to analyze a situation, and figure out the most efficient and quickest way of completing said task, I memorize all the items I will be picking(Picking = Selecting Stock), and make each pallet with out using tape to make sure the structural integrity is maximized. I also spend all my free time cleaning and condensing my floor instead of socializing like many others. These seemingly rational work habits seem alien in the eyes of all the other employees who ridicule me for my oddities from open till close. The average employee is a High School diploma 30 year old in debt "Amurican". What working here compared to the store has taught me is the social aspect of highschool follows you through life and is more important then any amount of work you can do.
-I have Insomnia and have never had a set sleeping schedule that I can remember, even has kid.
-My friends always take great offense to me not wanting to hang out, but I'd rather honestly read Reddit, or some Science journal until I pass out. Its nothing personal, but they cant seem to grasp the thought of not being with people.
-I ALWAYS use ration and logic over any other means of dealing with a situation.
-I am always trying to improve my vocabulary. Constantly rehearsing and resiting to myself newly learned worlds.
-I tend to over analyze situations, mostly peoples speech. Even with friends, I constantly look for Freudian slips, and nuances that can have alternate meanings. I believe I've developed this because of my inability to read body language and pick up on subtle social norms. It actually entertains the people around me and they usually ask for follow ups on what I have found in the conversation, this could be them being sarcastic though with out me knowing.
-Touch makes me very uncomfortable. This usually offends peoples at parties my sister throws which I show up to out of respect. All the liquor in the world couldn't hide my level of uneasiness, I generally feel bad because I think it is embarrassing too my sister. Shes actually the one who brought Asperger's up too me though, apparently I act just like a Asperger's character on a show called "Degrassi", since then I've been reading about AS and it brought me here.
These are some of my oddities that I felt most of this site could analyze and tell me if its more then likely Asperger's or maybe something else. If you've made it this far, I honestly want to thank you for taking the time and am looking forward to maybe some responses. AS seemed to be the closest thing to my way of thinking but friends telling me otherwise for a solid three years always put me off from testing for it etc.
11 Dec 2011, 11:13 am
