More than just lazy, but no one believes it

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I know that many people on the spectrum are able to perform well or even excel academically, especially when focusing on their area of interest. But not me. I have such immense difficulty with motivation, time management, concentration (especially in a classroom due to distractions and social anxiety), that it is completely unrealistic for me to continue on with school. I've tried online classes to no avail.

I can’t explain this without sounding hopelessly pathetic, because I’m very intelligent and have much potential to excel in college. But I am so set in my specific learning ‘ways’ that I cannot fathom the idea of changing them. I’m self-educating myself. My self-imposed lack of a social life (which does not bother me in the slightest) allows for much of my day to consist of reading non-fiction, taking notes, and discussing the information with my 1 friend. I learn at my own pace. Traditional school has always moved too quickly for me, and has always failed at capturing my interest. I've tried Wellbutrin, Ritalin, and Adderall, but none helped. I've tried counseling, but my lack of an ability to adequately verbalize my mind failed me there- I was blown off as lazy and "depressed". I’ve tried again and again to keep up and learn/retain the information, but I lose all focus; my brain just “crashes” and I do a face-plant on the desk and cry myself to sleep. Every time. It’s ridiculous. I seem like a spoiled little bratty toddler who can’t get her way. I wish there was a way to convince someone of the reality of my situation without seeming this way.

To put it in perspective, I could make a bet that none of you, or anyone you know, has done worse than me in high school while still managing to graduate. I did the absolute minimum amount of work required to pass the classes that I actually passed. Despite being in a huge overcrowded school (I don’t remember how many kids were in my senior class, but it was a whole lot), I placed in the bottom 40, based on average gpa throughout all 4 years. I wasn’t even a bad kid or anything; I didn’t do drugs, and I didn’t have a social life outside of school. I just sat in my room after school wallowing in my misery- usually crying in the fetal position in bed after attempting to do homework and brain-crashing. My parents always knew there was something wrong with me, but they thought it was all due to laziness and “depression”, which I was falsely diagnosed with at 9. They had no idea about the social issues and other issues I was dealing with, because I shut everyone out.

My only consolation is the fact that I am artistically “gifted” and am only now beginning to realize that I can use this to my advantage. But now that I’ve decided not to pursue school, I’m made to feel like a low-life, a loser, a do-nothing, a leech, scum, etc. I feel like I have no dignity. My family and many others think that since I'm "high-functioning", it can't be used as an excuse.

It’s not fair that people see me as a waste, because I really am exercising my intellect on a dialy basis, the only difference is that I don’t have a legal piece of f*****g paper to prove it.

Anyone else have this much trouble with school?

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I think these forums are a great place to chat and get support.

For the record, it is possible to be on the spectrum *and* depressed. You mention "wallowing in misery" and "crying yourself to sleep in the fetal position"--that's exactly what depression is. I think that dealing with the depression will make your learning challenges (which I agree with you, don't seem to be caused by laziness or depression) seem less overwhelming. Good luck!

I know.

I don't have depression though, haha. Without all these school worries, I'd be happy as hell.

The piece of paper is only worth anything if you forget to check if there's toilet paper in a bathroom stall before it's too late.

In other words, yes. I was labelled a "genius", read far beyond my grade level, etc. - but save for a few teachers with the wisdom to adjust their methods to suit my personality, school was pure hell. I was pressured into college, really didn't want to go, went, and flamed out. I just can't take the whole standardised nature of the thing, the make-work, the moving at the pace of the crowd, the studying things I don't have the slightest interest in. I'm good at math - but I hate it.

I could go on and on, but the simple fact is, you're not alone. And the people who are giving you grief over this are clueless -REDACTED-.

I had to self teach myself too but I worked my butt off. For me school was a way to escape my crappy home life.
I would suggest that you try to stretch your boundaries in order to find a system to learn material ahead of the class if you can. Talk with your teacher and try to get what's coming in advance so you can pre-learn most of it before it is covered in class (that is what I did). I always did my homework IN class if I could because I couldn't pay attention very well. It took me a few tries to 'get' algebra; now I'm trying to 'get' calculus. Anyway you're going to have to get creative if you don't want to continually be behind.

Even if your teachers blow it's not a lost cause. Don't limit yourself to the material they give you to learn from - learn it from anywhere that can teach you. Fortunately you have some resources I didn't back then - the Internet for one - which can take a dry subject and turn it visual for you.


Embrace what you're good at because that will allow you to live a life you don't hate.
Engineering has a fair amount of 'art' as does graphic design and a few other decent paying areas.

You are depressed, so you should get some help for that.

I had problems similar to yours all through school, but I was not lazy, either. However, I was constantly accused of being lazy, or not trying, etc. Back then spectrum disorders were not recognized as such. We were diagnosed as having emotional/ behavior problems and/or being a discipline problem. I was never able to explain my learning problems to the adults. I just didn't know how to explain it in such a way that they would understand, and not call lazy. I had a terrible time focusing on subjects that had no interest to me or that had no value. I could sometimes focus on a non interesting subject if I saw value in it. I think that helped keep me from totally failing school. I also had trouble with the pace of the courses. It was just too fast for me. I got on well enough person wise with my 8th grade teacher, but I will never forgive her for recommending that I be put in a more advanced class in freshman high school. High school had three math "tracks". One for the slow kids, one for the regular kids, and algebra for the advanced kids. I begged to be switched to the regular class, but was refused. I even saw the freshman guidance councelor to get his help. This jerk told me to stick with it and said that the next years course would be easier.--He didn't help me at all and lied about the next years course. It was geometry, and I found out years later that you need to do good in algebra to do well in geometry, as geometry builds on what is learned in geometry. Then trigonometry builds on that. I had to basically fail two years of math before they would put me in a more basic math class. What jerks. One year they stuck me in chemistry, but when I realized it was beyond me, I finally put my foot down and insisted on being transferred out of it. I was willing to take some other credit course, but they switched me to non credit study hall instead. I needed the credits, so they were jerks again. In high school biology, I did well on study and tests because I was somewhat interested in nature, but I can't draw to save my life, so I got Fs for all the drawings needed for Bio. My high written test scores managed to bring my overall Bio grade to the C range, so I managed to pass that. It was like that for all my courses. If they were interesting or of some perceived value, I managed to handle the course, but always did poorly in the non interesting, non valuable courses.

Unfortunately, I was never able to explain my problems to the adults around me. I was taken as being lazy or not applying myself, when I literally just couldn't force myself to learn courses that had no value to me. Something in my brain just rejects being force fed unwanted input. I would get very stressed and frustrated, but back then I didn't know what the problem was, just that there was one, and I had no way to explain it to others.

Add to that that I was constantly abused by the other kids all through school, so I absolutely hated school.

On the plus side, I was an adult by the end of high school and could not be legally forced to go to college. My parents, knowing what a poor student I was, and knowing how much torment I had been through from the other kids, knew that there was no point in trying to pressure me into going on to college.

I am in my 50s now, but I still remember my school hell. Due to other health problems I no longer work--I am on SSI or SSD. Can't remember which. Maybe someday I will take some online courses, but I don't see myself attending any place in person. I can't handle the speed of regular classes, and I prefer to not have much to do with people.

I think you need to consider online courses at your own pace, and you may want to look into self employment. If you are good at art, there are companies that can reproduce your art in reprints, or paint, and make posters of it, put it on coffee cups, T-shirts, etc. That way, instead of selling one art product one time, you can sell the same piece of art many times, and make more money that way. You can also advertise on the internet to do freelance art work. There are other ways to make money as an artist, too. You may never be rich, but you should eventually be able to support yourself.

Good luck with that.

I dropped out due to the emphasis on social interaction. Lunches, assemblies, extracurricular classes.

I would have preferred just going to class, working - grabbing a snack and getting home early. But they even wanted me to join a after school club...

So I said goodbye and just got a high school equivalence diploma. I mean, ultimately people cry about the diploma's and college educations. But this is only because its become the social norm, pushed upon us by dreams of better times - and then greedy universities with slogans to attract thousands of students and train them all in the same job for a slow growing population. For the simple sake of money making...

Well I passed highschool, and also did the minimum of work.....I figured I'd be fine in college but that certainly did not work out, all that did was give me bills to pay due to the college loans. But yeah when I was growing up no one knew I had AS, some teachers and such thought there must have been something wrong with me. I was depressed though so they might have just pinned it on that. But yeah I know how it feels to have people minimize your difficulties and such and blame it on laziness and then accuse you of excuses if you try to explain why you are the way you are. But if people are going to be like that I think they should piss off.

But yeah what I really hated at school was lunch time, I mean when you don't have any friends and the tables are full, what are you to do? I remember sitting on the floor a couple times only to get yelled at, and forced to sit with people who probably didn't want to sit with me.

I used to be like you, but probably worse My GPA in K-10 was <1.0 (yes, I mean all years). I say K-10 because I was finally kicked out in 10th grade. It also sounds like you were a pretty good kid, I wasn't. I tried to go to college when I was around your age but I just wasn't ready at the time. I was so used to fighting the structure in K-12 that I couldn't deal with the less formal structure of college. Also the people around me had socially matured but I hadn't. Just wasn't the right time. 20 years later I'm back in college with a 3.8 GPA. The difference is I learned not to give a s**t what people think of me and I'm perfectly happy being by myself and pursuing my interests. The other difference is I realized what I should be doing in life and the degree is just a tool to help me achieve my goals. I don't care if it's a worthless piece of paper as long as it will open doors for me. I hope you learn these things sooner than I did.

P.S. I don't know where you live but if you're in a medical marijuana state I would recommend you get a prescription and try it if all those pills didn't work.

I'll be honest - no. Not even close. So please choose to use or discard the following advice as you please.

Firstly, a piece of paper is useful, no doubt, but it's not a necessity if you can figure a way around it. So your options seem to be (a) work your butt off to find a way to get that piece of paper or (b) work your butt off find a way around having that piece of paper. Either way you're going to have to work your butt off, but it's about finding the best way to have that work lead somewhere fruitful. It's no good if you work like crazy just to propel yourself into a breakdown (as you're well aware).

Secondly, if you're willing and able to engage with counsellors/psychologists/psychiatrists, the easiest way I've been able to get the most out of a consultation/session is to write down my issues and what I expect out of the session(s) and hand it over. This way, I can take my time to think and express myself just as I want to, instead of walking away feeling like I wasn't able to get across what I really meant. I also used a drawing once to express what I experienced during a meltdown. All this has helped me (and my support team) greatly - they understand where I'm coming from and I benefit from the correct kind of support. I went from being ready to throw in the towel to receiving real help in the way that I needed it.

You write very well and are artistically gifted - is this something you'd be willing and able to try? (Disclaimer: I understand that in some places getting in to see anyone is prohibitively expensive and then even if you do they can be douchebags or just plain unhelpful, so I realise that progress can also involve a great deal of luck and circumstance.)

I did horrible in school. I ended up quitting and getting my ged. I tried to go to college once. I lasted maybe a couple of months at most and just stopped going. I don't even know why I stopped going. It was doomed to failure anyways since they let me take classes I wasn't even ready for and didn't understand.

I've always been called lazy. I've been called it so much I don't even care any more and accept myself as lazy.

I tried to read this post - but it got too complex and my eyes just started crossing.
Thinking back to high school - 30 years ago - School was living hell.
I Had to hide before school - the fear of hanging out someplace and getting into a fight and getting beat up.
Those people never seemed to get into trouble for picking on me, and me getting suspended for defending myself.
1 had 3 days 4 times in 5 years.
I Got thrown off a alternate bus - the bus driver did not want me on his bus and my regular bus was full of trouble makers and the school refused to discipline them..

I lived in a Redneck farm town where the bullies families ran everything and the more money they had the worse the kids were. The poorer the kids were the more bad they were also.
The Reliefer kids were the worst.

The classes were full of people who were either better equipped to regurgitate the information spoon fed to them, or could recite what they were taught or read in books per verbatim.

I barely passed gym class - I wasn't the bionic man.
( Bigger, stronger, faster then everyone else.)

I hated running or doing push ups or chin ups or sit up's.

Those calisthenics were all designed for skinny little kids.

English class - was set up for the kids who were better at English.
Math classes were set up for people who could solve those types of problems.

I liked all sorts of shop class - although the teachers didn't give me the best grades....
Most of the time I was bored and I really wasn't looking to excel for any of those people.
I didn't like Biology, I didn't like Geometry or Trig, I didn't like Spanish.
If they would have offered me a easy out - tech school, or just give me my diploma and let me do something else, I would have walked out the door and got a job on the drilling rigs or strip jobs mining coal.

By the time I managed to save enough money to go to college for a couple of semesters - I was a homeless person and my financial resources did not provide enough for me to live in the dorms and I eventually dropped out - after working odd jobs at night and going to school by day for 3 semesters.

The only thing I can say is that as long as you try to do your best, and as long as you apply yourself and not just give up and lay on your bed and cry, you can do anything you put your mind to.

I do not understand these people who goes to school, only to reaffirm the fact that they are intellectually smart - but has no plans to actually work or use the education they received.

There seems to be a trend on this forum of people who goes to college and gets good grades and then hides behind the Autism shield when it comes time to get a job or perform the functions which college prepared them to do in a real world.
To me that is a total waste of the colleges time and your parents money.

There is just some people in this world that should just jump off the tallest building or bridge they can find and end it all now, instead of being a burden on society.

For me it is pretty neat.
I have no income - I have some money in the bank, that came from a automobile accident which caused me to loose some mobility, which is bad enough that I can't work a 40 hour week and no one will hire me because of my disabilities.
I get no check every month and I am not eligible for social security until I work 10 more years and I live off the fat of the land. If I don't work - I don't eat!

There is no security net here - nothing to fall back on.
Mommy and daddy is not going to support me and the government is not supporting me and the neighbors all thinks that because they all get a check that I must get a check also.
The one neighbor is mentally ret*d but functional and he has been harassing me to the point of where If it was legal to shoot him - he would already be dead.
When I walk up the road for my physical therapy he starts calling me BOBO the clown and saying that I am collecting relief - Public Assistance and that I am lazy and that I don't want to work.

When you have to wrap your wrists at night with ace bandages - because your hands are numb and you can't wiggle your fingers - that isn't normal.
When you have problems breathing and swallowing and do not have any insurance and cannot go to the doctors and the only food you can eat is soup - because food gets stuck in my throat - that is not normal either.
When you drag your one foot when you walk and a new pair of sneakers lasts you about 9 months from walking one mile a day - that is not normal either.
When you are not strong enough to pick up or hold your 5 year old daughter - that is not normal either.

So why would people harass someone who is disabled but not missing a limb. Or discriminate against a person who is disabled and missing a limb and can't work - but can't get disability because the fat old reliefers have sucked the system dry

I have neighbors who are 3rd generation reliefers - collects public assistance, has children like rabbits so they can collect more money, doesn't clean or keep a clean house, rides around in the automobiles that public assistance buys for them and eats better then I do because they get food stamps and a welfare check every month and they get rent rebates and their taxes are paid by the lottery money.

It makes no sense to me what so ever!

I am pro-legalization, but if the OP is trying to change the friends/family/school perception of "laziness," becoming a pothead is a questionable tactic!

I'm going to try to be nice here. I do not take kindly to you labeling me, or anyone else who uses cannabis with a prescription to treat medical conditions, as "potheads". Really I don't give a s**t if you're pro legalization, it's thinking like yours that keeps cannabis illegal. Cannabis users who get relief from cancer, PTSD, chronic depression, MS, cerebral palsy, social anxiety, fibro myalgia, etc etc etc are potheads? I don't think people should have to make a choice between getting the relief they need or continuing to suffer because people like you consider them potheads for using a medicine that has been used effectivly by many cultures all over the world for thousands of years. No need to thank me for my mildness, just know that what I wanted to reply with was truly vile

I regret the confusion, Rascal77. As I stated above, I am pro-legalization, and believe cannabis has many legitimate medical uses. "Pothead" is just a slang term for someone who regularly smokes maryjane; I meant no offense.

My answer was specifically in the context of the OP's question: (I'm paraphrasing here) "How do I convince my parents that I'm not lazy?"

I do not think saying "Mom, Dad, I've decided to take up smoking marijuana" is the best solution to this problem of perception.

If this was a discussion about treating cancer or chronic illness under a doctor's supervision, my answer would be completely different.

And "ret*d" is a slang term for autistic people nad others with disabilities. Slang terms can be offensive, pothead is derogatory.



Mom and dad don't need to know.



Sorry, you don't feel that AS and related conditions that prevent people from living a normal life are on par with chronic illnesses?