Alone forever?
I am a loner, I have very few friends, and they are all online friends. I have never been on a date, and nobody seems to want to hang around me for a long time (mostly because I am terrible at maintaining friendships.) The only one who even acts as though he cares about me is my older brother, but he is not going to be around forever, heck, he going to be going to college/military in less than 6 months.
I have no one to really talk to offline. I mean, who would want to hang out with the tomboyish, granny-dress wearing, MtF transsexual, socially awkward girl who never starts up conversations, and usually sits in the back corner? And that's hang out with, let alone long-term friendships, boyfriends, or even life-long partners.
I do not want to change myself in order to get someone. and my lovely lack of empathy would probably make me a horrible girlfriend/wife.
But I do not even want to be in a relationship... I just want someone to be there for me. I guess I am dependent...
Is it my destiny to be alone? I guess it is my Dependancy talking...
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Aspie score: 164/200
NT score: 60/200
You are very likely an Aspie!
AQ: 36
If you always sit in the corner and not start conversations, then don't expect a lot of people in your life.
And the transsexual thing is only as big a deal as you make it. Society is becoming a lot more accepting of that.
I had a co-worker once who was a post-op MtF. Everyone at work loved her.
You have to ask yourself how alone do you want to be.
Each one of us is in control of that security barrier we put up.
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Your Aspie score: 172 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 35 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
Diagnosed in 2005
Don't give up hope. Speaking from personal experience, I was 31 before I had my second date (12 years after my first). Now, at 44, I'm married with kids. Certainly for a long time there was no justification for thinking I would ever be anything other than lonely. But we often don't know what, or who, is just around the corner.
The MtF aspect of your life (congratulations by the way for being your true self) is no bigger deal than you allow it to be. Again, from my own life, I've spent years in bible college (a LONG time ago), have share-housed with goths, gays, a La Veyan Satanist; have had friends/acquaintances who were everything from ultra conservative, to anarchists; Transgendered, drug addicts, fat, thin, and just about everything you can think of.
I don't remember any of them having the problems I did. And I've come to realise that my problems were self created. Mostly fear and motivation issues.
The main thing to remember, IMHO, is 'scr<w what anyone else thinks. Opinions are like @rseholes... everyone has them. You are woman, hear you roar. Get out. Socialise. Even if it's just standing in a corner, just BE there. Choose a scene. That way you can develop comfort being there, get to know the faces, they get to know you. Don't demure, but don't be overly aggressive either.
Strength comes from self-comfort. Go for it. You have as much right as anyone else, and, gods willing, you'll find just whom you're after.
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assumption makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'mption'.