Feeling creeped out by "friendly" people

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I've noticed that people one would describe as extremely nice or "friendly" tend to give me a creepy feeling. I was never crazy about the Duggars, espicaly Michelle. I could never put my finger on it for a while. Then I realised it's because she's always happy and smiling. I know she's on camera, but you would expect her to change her expression at least once in a while. It reminds me out of something out of the Stepford Wives. Maybe they just edit out the parts where she seems human. But it's mostly people in real life I get really creeped out by if they seem friendly. There's this local store that sells Bibles really cool Christian themed things. I've even seen rosaries and Catholic pharaphanalia. It's a neat store. The owner is the nicest lady in the world and has a son who is deaf and wheelchair bound, so she knows about life with disabilites and when I told her I was autistic, she wasn't all, "but you seem so normal!" I forget my exact words but I told her I strugged with anxiety that is sometimes disabling in itself. She told me to keep telling myself I don't have an anxiety disorder. I really hate it when people say stuff like that. People think mental conditions can be cured via willpower. Anyway, what really was the straw that broke the cammel's back, was when she touched my arm, trying to be reasuring. I jumped back and said as poliety as possible, "Please don't touch me." I haven't been back since. My mom asks why I never go back there and I tell her that the lady creeps me out. She did at first a little, but after she touched me, she freaks me out. It's not just her, it's anyone who seems "friendly" or wants to know too much. I have certain obsessions I don't like to talk about with just anyone or anyone at all and when people want to know about those obsessions and they are not of the people I dicuss that obsession with, I quickly change the subject. But anyway, people who smile really bother me. I think it might originate from being bullied as a kid where the bully was smiling just before they hit me or said something mean or as they were doing it. I remember hitting people for "no reason" when they approached me, and when asked why I did it, I would say, "Because they were smiling". I had come to associate someone smiling with wanting to hurt me.

Yeah, it is kind a creepy, I must admit. I just want people to behave realistic. And sometimes, you can figure out that, when you tell someone you have a problem they change their approach.
A scene comes to my mind: a dear old lady with big smile, friendly face offers you a cup of tea and biscuits, assures you to make yourself comfortable and then locks the doors and puts a key in her pocket, still smiling.

In fact, when someone is overly friendly it makes me feel artificial. Don't know if it has anything with the ASD or maybe it just that I am not used on that behavior.

I find friendliness okay as long as I don't feel as though it's being pushed at me. If someone seems too interested in me or too eager to make big displays of friendliness, especially if it's right away when they don't really know me yet, I become uneasy. It's overwhelming, and it makes me fear a crash and burn later, if I turn out not to be what they wanted me to be. AlastorX, I can relate to your imagery. Very scary stuff. MagicMeerkat, I, too, will become especially untrusting if someone touches me when I don't want to be touched. I'm sorry you ended up not being able to go back to a place you liked, but I really understand why. I've also been too weirded out to go back to a place. And that business about telling yourself you don't have an anxiety disorder... WTF?! I'm sure she meant well, but that sort of thing always gets me riled up.

It's probably a bit of both. Random acts of kindness are viewed with a great deal of suspicion by pretty much anyone nowadays. That's unfortunately the times we live in.

Not wanting one's personal space invaded is also not unique to people with ASDs but it certainly seems more pronounced.

It seems to be really big sticking point, this touching business. For many NTs, moving towards a person and lightly touching then in some way, on the arm or shoulder, is the most natural thing in the world. From what I've read elsewhere on WP I'm not sure people with ASDs always realise how difficult it can be not to do this.

There are many different sort of smiles, friendly ones, smug ones, superior ones, creepy ones, false ones. Usually it is possible to tell which is which from context (the situation) but I can see it may be difficult if there are a lot of bad memories associated with "smiling assassins".

It happens to me too. That's because we all know people are hypocrite.

I can't tell if people are really nice or not. Isn't that part of Asperger's?

I have found that people that are over the top friendly, squeely over the top voice with a big smile usually end up being mean. Avoid giving lengthy answers.

I can't stand people who are mean and nice. Yeah I know everyone has bad days so they will snap at you and not be nice but that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about people who are nice and then are all of a sudden nasty to you for no reason. Bipolar people would probably drive me crazy and people who have multiple personalities since they be doing that crap. Even as a child I couldn't stand my own bullies being nice to me all of a sudden because it confuse me even though it felt great they were being friendly with me. I even can't stand people who are nice and nasty to certain people or who were nice to someone and then all of a sudden gets nasty with them for no reason. I just stay away from those people and not trust them. Unfortunately I known a few people like this, in real life and online. I just stay away from them. There was one in my autism group and she be so nice in that group it drove me crazy because online she be nasty. I found that scary. Then I was glad she didn't come anymore when I saw her name was off the member list. Then there is another one I know who seems nice but I know she is nasty because she has mean streaks and bullied my online friend in the chat room here. I also never talk to her because I don't know when she blow up and start cursing at me.

Then there is my Dad's cousin who seems very friendly and she has the ability to say nasty things in a nice way like "Beth you'd be a so much better person if your mom and dad were better parents" and she say this in a nice sweet voice. But yet she is very judgmental and jumps to conclusions too quickly and assumes she is right. She will not let anyone correct her because she calls them excuses or hearsay. She was hard to get along with so I started to quit talking to her and around her and trying to avoid her all I can and started saying "I hope it be Renee free" whenever we go to my grandparents. Then I decided I will just not talk if she is there.


I guess being too friendly is a bad thing. Too much of anything is bad.

^ Know what you mean about saying mean saying nasty things all with a smile and putting it "nicely". I have noticed those kinds of people follow a similar pattern.

-Must win everyone over. You notice this person has to know everyone and if you happen to make an acquaintance that person doesn't know, the person will ask for more details on that person
-Has problems not being the center of attention.
-Usually female.
-May reveal lack of tolerance towards "different" people through actions or words.

Smiles like this often



-Asks alot of personal questions about you but reveals no real information about themself. May reveal something super extra cool about themself that isn't really personal in an attempt to get you to talk more about yourself.

-You notice after you've had this conversation with the person, the person then says some snide comment about what you've said while using their usual pleasant chirpy tone of voice.

If you get the feeling someone is being over the top and fake, they are. Keep your answers short. Over time, their actions will reveal their intent.

That overly friendly "charm" gives me the creeps too. I think because so much of the time it's fake, and it's like you have to be fake back and play along to socialize with those kind of people. (I'm not referring to people who are actually, genuinely nice in a non-robotic/fake way.)

I like friendly people. It creeps me out when people aren't friendly.

But politeness creeps me out. Well, there's being polite and being polite. I like people to be polite to a certain extent, but when they're being too polite it can irritate me and I prefer them to just leave me alone in the first place. For example, if I am waiting in the bus station and a bus comes what I'm not getting on, and I'm standing well out of the way and standing in a position that doesn't look like I'm getting on the bus, and some woman still creeps up from behind me and asks if I'm getting on this bus. Yes, I know it's being polite, but I wish people would use their brains and think, ''well if she was getting on this bus she would be getting her money out and getting in the queue - not standing well out of the way looking the other way for other buses. I presume she is getting another bus, since that is possible because there are 2 or 3 other buses that come to this stand at this time.''

Asking questions is fine, it's when you notice the other person isn't answering the same questions back or doesn't reveal much about themself but wants to know all about you.

The big fake smile that comes with it.

The over the top fake tone of voice.

Those are some signs you should take into consideration that short answers are best.

Women have more chances of this happening than men. It's called frenemies.

Women were taught to be subtle and how to feign niceness in front of those whom you can later coax into not liking this person you don't like.

They talk and talk, sound believable but it's real rooted problem is insecurity and fear of the unknown sometimes mixed with a lack of tolerance towards certain kinds of people. Control issues as well.

I guess most of us are acutely sensitive to fakeness.

readingbetweenlines, I'm fine with random acts of kindness, and I try to do them, as well. I generally get good reactions when I do. I only want to point out that that's not what I meant to describe here. Even if someone means well, some people's personalities are just really big, and their displays of friendliness are, too. If something is too much for me, it's too much. I don't expect people to know it in advance, but I do hope for them to ease up if I clue them in. That's totally aside from dealing with those people who are fake and sneaky, which I agree is also a problem.

The touching thing is, for me, much as it is with cats. I like it to be my idea, so I can decide if I'm comfortable or not and act accordingly. It's my body, so I should get to decide what happens to it. If being touched makes me uncomfortable and not being allowed to touch me makes someone else uncomfortable, the situation should go in my favor, because it's my body. I once volunteered somewhere where the situation was really pronounced. Someone kept wanting to hug me and kiss me on the face and on the hand. I tried to be polite about how I explained that I didn't want her to keep doing that, and she answered back by warning me some people would be offended by being told that. She seemed offended herself. I tried to smooth things over by ignoring the fact that she seemed offended and telling her I was glad she wasn't like that. I was hoping to convey the idea that being offended might be inappropriate. It seemed to work, because she indicated she agreed she wasn't like that and backed off.

I really don't care to have someone try to shame me for making my comfort level clear. I'm not mean about how I do it. I wouldn't make someone else endure letting me in their comfort zone just because I decided I wanted to be there. Wanting to do a thing doesn't give a person the right. I just want that same level of respect from others that I would give to them.