My autistic cousin

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Don't get me wrong. This isn't an NT trying to understand ASD behavior. This is an autistic trying to see what another autistic's situation is.

Last night, and my autistic cousin, who's 8, he was just playing on his DSi, not interested in much social interaction and when his two year old sister kept trying to play music on their radio. I got the idea that it bothered him (he unplugged it after the sister kept putting it at full volume) and I kept trying to compromise that it was too loud and it was bothering him, so I tried to explain to the two year old that it was bothering him and that we should play it at a lower volume, but she kept putting it on maximum volume. I asked him if it hurt his ears, he said no. My brother, or his girlfriend, I don't remember, said "If you don't let her play the music, she will cry" and he replied "I want her to cry." I somewhat understand where he's coming from, given that I am autistic myself, but I don't understand why he would want her to cry.

Later, he accidentally kicked her off the bed and she was crying rather loudly, but he just went back to playing his DSi.

Now, this makes me think of an incident when I was young when my brother was hurt (he hurt his foot or something) and asked me to get help (call my mom or something) and I just stood there. In retrospect, I don't understand why I just stood there.

Any ideas from other autistics? I understand being in his position, but I wouldn't understand WHY.

My guess? A little overcompensation.
Clearly I don't know the whole situation, but here's my interpretation. He just wants to be left alone. He's just minding his own business, not bothering anyone, and someone comes along and keeps doing obnoxious distracting things. Yes, she's two, but it's still annoying. And then someone comes along and tells him he should just let her do what she wants, because she doesn't know any better. But to him, he's solving the problem. The music "shouldn't" be up that loud, so he turns it off. Probably doesn't understand why the adults in the situation aren't turning it off also. "If you don't let her play the music, she will cry" is not motivation in a situation like that. Why reward bad behavior? And yes, it's not his job to parent or do anything of the sort, but my guess is it's part of that internal moral compass that always had me replying to my parents, "Of COURSE the world isn't fair, and it's not going to be until people stop saying that and start doing something about it!"
Again: that's just me projecting what I would have been thinking. But maybe it helps.

So he didn't like the music being turned up but the toddler crying loudly didn't bother him? That sounds like typical Autistic behaviour (I think, because I'm not too good on Autistic behaviour, even though I'm on the spectrum myself. I seem to understand NT behaviour more, for some reason).

But I can sort of relate, but not with noise. It's like I hate crowded shopping centres, but I am desperate to get a job in the airport, which is just as busier. There is a reason why, but I find it hard to explain. It's because airports have a different sort of atmosphere, whereas shopping centres seem to hold an atmosphere where people (especially women) are judging eachother. That might not be the real reason and other people might not understand, but I know that that's the reason for me, and I stick by it.

So maybe that's how your Autistic cousin felt. Maybe there was a reason why he didn't seem to mind the loud noise of the toddler's cry but didn't like the radio turned up loud, but maybe he couldn't express it (not sure if he's the type of Autistic to be able to express his feelings or not? Whereas I am).

I hope I made sense.

I was the only one that tried to side with the boy. I asked him if it hurt his ears, he said no. I tried to explain to the little sister that the boy didn't like the music, but there she went, turning up the music. Eventually, I gave up.

Joe90, maybe you want to work in an airport because everybody there is trying to GO AWAY!! !

Loud sounds are not all alike, so maybe that's why one was bothersome and the other not. But I suspect he meant to say, "Even if it means I have to listen to her cry, I'd rather that she felt upset, because the music she turned up upset me. That's what she should get for blasting the music." That's just my guess. When you're autistic, people tell you to stop doing things, even if you don't understand why what you're doing bothers them. So, why wouldn't he think she should have to stop what she was doing, even if she didn't understand why it was a problem?

You don't. Two year olds don't have the cognitive ability to compromise. It may sound harsh, but I'd just turn the music down and if she cries, she cries. Babies don't always get what they want.

Even if the music was not bothering him from a sensory perspective (ie. by causing pain), full volume music is annoying to most people whether they are autistic or not. My guess is that he pulled the plug because it was annoying him, and no one was putting a stop to it. The people who said she should be left alone lest she cry were completely in the wrong. A baby that can do annoying, bad things just because she takes a tantrum grows into a spoiled brat that no one wants to be around. They should have turned down the music and put up with the tantrum for a few minutes...or better yet, attempt to occupy her with something else other than a radio to get her mind off of it.

The not responding to her crying from falling off the bed COULD be a lack of empathy. I am not sure if he has that or not, just suggesting that that is what it might have been--especially if it was an accident and he didn't realize it would hurt.

Who let's a two year old blast music full ball? My niece is two and she wouldn't be able to get away with hat. I agree, the child will end up spoilt and bratty. Even an autistic needs to be told that playing really loud music is kind of inappropriate.

"I want her to cry" could be interpreted in different ways. I first connected the wanting her to cry and pushing her off the bed with a type of rivalry or maybe he has been stressed out and took it out on her - that's known to happen. But again, I might be way off. Just see if this pattern of behaviour continues.

A screaming child might not sound as bad as a full blast radio. It could simply be misophonia or that usual sounds aren't as stressful as new ones.

Either way, some one needs to set some boundaries for that two year old. They could have easily given her something that wasn't as loud.

Also, I hate sounds when I'm trying to play video games. I hate it when people are in the same room.