I do but I don't....

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Does anyone feel like they have 2 brains, one NT and one Aspie? I do. Whenever I get an invitation to a social event, there is always a dilemma of what to do. Half of me really wants to go out and socialise, but the other half of me wants to stay indoors quietly. So I've either got to say ''yes'' and suffer the duration of talking and thinking of what to say and smiling and being cool and being careful not to complain otherwise people would say, ''you chose to come, nobody forced you to come......'', or say ''no'' and suffer the consquences of sitting in alone and being careful not to complain because then people start saying, ''you had the chance of going out, you said no, nobody stopped you......''

But it's not as simple as that with me. Most other people I know (whatever neurology) can mostly say ''yes'' if they want to or ''no'' if they don't, without no hard feelings. But me, I have two opposite intentions, and I never know what to do. If I had better social skills, then I would go out, but because I know I'm socially awkward and give off all the wrong vibes as per usual, I'm put off going out and showing my face to people. That's why sometimes I love it when there's a good excuse and what ain't a lie, like I'm definately coming down with a cold, or I'm waiting for an important phonecall - or even experiencing bullying what other people have witnessed, so that I would get sympathy choosing not to go.

Is it normal for very mild Aspies like myself to feel like this? Have I got some other disorder what I haven't yet heard about, or could it be to do with shyness perhaps?

Same feeling, here.

Oh good I'm not alone then.

It's just hard to explain it to some people, because people just say, ''you either want to go or you don't,'' and they just think that just because you're not going you're being unsociable, and if you want to go then you would go, but it's really not as simple as that. My social intentions make me want to go, but my anxieties hold me right back. It's a vicious circle.

I feel that way a lot. Part of me wants to go out and be around people, and part of me just wants to stay home and be by myself.

When I'm alone I wish I was around other people, and when I'm around other people I want to be alone.

Yes. I have these all the time. That is where my shrink would describe it as part of me wants this and pat me wants that.