Why did all guests laugh at me when my parents yelled at me?

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When I was little, I clearly remember these scenarios. My parents' friends (all adults) would come over, and we'd all sit down to brunch or dinner. Now, my parents were very strict, and would scream at me whenever I did some little thing they didn't like. Like, get my hands messy while eating, slouching in my chair, complain about onions in my food, or cry when a dish broke. The yelling was usually very loud and anger-filled, like: "Sit up straight now!! !". At times, my parents would send me to my room, at moments that felt totally random and out of the blue.

Now, whenever my parents yelled at me, all the guest would break into laughter. Not quiet tittering, but uncontrolled uproarious laughter, like a guy who smoked marijuana and went to a comedy club. Needless to say, my pleads "stop laughing!" fell on deaf ears, and caused me to get into even more trouble with my parents. I always interpreted that to mean that the guests were laughing at my misery. Which didn't surprise me. After all, they were adults and I was a child, which effectively made us enemies to each other. I saw them all as ruthless bullies, and they all saw me as an emotional punching bag.

To add insult to the injury, there was often alcohol (beer and wine) on the table, which, in my mind, was the secret answer to why adults are always so happy. I, obviously, did not have such luxury, and was left to wallow in misery and/or make revenge plots against the adults. (To be carried out later, when I become an adult myself.)

Now, this only happened when I was the only child at the table. When guests with children came over, my parents treated me somewhat better (read: left me alone), and when they did go off on me, the laughter on the adults' part was more subdued. Plus, the other kids would give me brief words of consolation. Oftentimes, all the kids would be seated at a separate table, which we all loved, since only minimal discipline was enforced.

The laughter at my misfortune faded out by the time I was about 12. But the memories still plague my mind. The question still remains: Why did all guests laugh at me when my parents yelled at me? I just don't understand!

Because they are as*holes?
Alcohol is never a good thing. In your case it makes them even bigger as*holes.

Laughing at someones pain is never a justified thing. They are all adults above 30 right? They should know better!

Are you seeing them at a regular basis? Is this laughing still a thing? If its possible, you should try to put your contact at a minimum. I‘m not saying that you should hide completely, that could worsen your whole situation. Another thing you could make is looking for a therapy. Please remember, the laughing is not your fault, its theirs!

When you have abusive parents ( and you do ) , it sets a the stage for other people to be abusive to you too . After all , if your parents don't give two sh#ts about your feelings ( and they don't ) , then why should anyone else ? . In social gatherings , my mother would get a laugh from the crowd by declaring " Oh , he ( me ) was an accident , the condom broke . We already had a boy and a girl , what did we need another damn kid for " ? Needless to say , all that laughter was personal and painful to me , not that she or anyone else cared . Remember that those people are your parents friends , not yours and they don't want to appear to go against the tone set by your so-called parents . I really have a hard time with parents that do this to their children , stay away from them as best you can .

Because there are people who actually think that it's funny to publically humiliate, abuse, or terrorize a helpless child.

Some of those people grow up, and some get elected as president...

Is it possible that they laughed at your parents, because they yelled? (laughing at their stupid behavior and not at you?)

I honestly don't know.

I realize that I am supposed to say "they were all assbleeps , and you're a victim, etc". Sorry. Might be the case, or it might not be.

They may have been laughing out of nervousness in a socially tense situation (the situation that erupted between you and your parents).

Or, as stated above, they were laughing at your parents.


Or they may have laughing at you because of the goofy thing you did. And not at your parents punishing you. Laughing in the way you might laugh at the antics of a pet, or at the antics of someone else's child (for that matter). And since the laughter was coupled with your parents yelling at you you wrongly assumed at the time that the group was laughing at your parents punishing you. Children can misunderstand things.

I think this is spot on. My family thinks it’s funny to share harsh discipline stories that usually involve a child trying to get out of being beaten with a belt. It pisses me off.

Perhaps one of them will run for president some day...

No. When I was 10, my family moved across the country, and their friends stayed behind. Extended family members, who we moved near, continued laughing at me. The laughter decreased in frequency and severity, until it went away completely when I was 12 or so.

As for therapy, hell no! I had a therapist in my early teens. I tried telling her about the way my family treated me, including these incidents. Every time, she just pretended not to know what I'm talking about, or mocked me outright. It didn't surprise me. She was an adult, and therefore sided with my parents, but was too polite or too sneaky to say it to my face. Realizing how unhelpful she was, I turned to alcohol, which I already "knew" was the reason why adults are always so happy. In high school, I found a way to get it: I secretly bought cooking wine, hid in my room, and drank it before sitting down to dinner at large family gatherings.

I doubt it. The guests were adults, and friends with my parents to boot. So they were on parents' side, not mine.

What, what? I didn't do anything "goofy". I just slouched in my chair, or complained about onions in my food, or stuff like that. How in the world is it "goofy"? And even then, they were still laughing at me.

It could be too combination of more things: your parents' stupid behavior, maybe your reactions, probably they all were drunk, and
can also be a good explanation.
/edit Maybe some of them laughed, because other people laughed (laungh without funny reason but because other people are launghing and they don't want behave different - imitate other people so that they did not differ)

Lorrent has true - they are as*holes and is not your fault, its theirs! They were adults.

Last edited by Nira on 22 Jun 2018, 4:33 pm, edited 3 times in total.

It wasn't a nervous, tittering laughter. It was an uproarious belly laughter. Like a marijuana smoker in a comedy club.

Maybe some of them laughed, because other people laughed (laungh without funny reason but because other people are launghing and they don't want behave different - imitate other people so that they did not differ)

I don't understand why a group of people would find a child being yelled at by their parent so hilarious.

I very much understand. They were reassuring themselves and each other---and probably gloating to me as well---that they're adults, not kids, and no longer had to endure that kind of treatment. Their years of misery (a.k.a. childhood) are far, far behind them. They had free reign over their lives, unlike me. And when something goes wrong, they can drown out the pain with alcohol in a matter of minutes. I, on the other hand, had a long, long way to go before I could become an adult and be free. Not to mention, I had no access to alcohol, at least until I started sneaking it at age 12. That's what the laughter represented: the superiority of their lives over mine.

On that note, they were the same people who once said to me: "Today, you have to obey your parents. When you grow up, you will have to obey your wife." That night, I cried myself to sleep. And I vowed to never let any woman to marry me. Little did I know how far ahead of our time I was. I was practicing MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) long before it had a name and a following. (That was in 1991, and MGTOW started in 2014.)

Given that your parents tried to hush the laughter, there's a good chance they were the ones being laughed at, as being absurdly strict.

I never said that my parents tried to hush the laughter. I was the one who pleaded "stop laughing", which the guests completely ignored. My parents, in turn, got even angrier with me for "not being quiet".

I should mention that the guests were good to me in several other ways, like giving me Christmas presents and such. But the laughter is something I just can't forgive. And again, they weren't laughing at my parents. The adults in my life always sided with each other (against me). Heck, even my therapist took my parents' side every time. Well, she gave me some token words of compassion (it's her job), but I could tell she wasn't on my side.

The famous expression "Don't trust anyone over 30" comes to mind here. Funny how I'm now 35, which raises the question: If my 8-year-old self met my today's self, would he trust him?

It sounds like an abusive situation.