I may be mad but...

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While out for a walk today, an odd thought occured that I enjoyed playing with for a while.

Considering how I get on the same wavelength of the people around me,
and manage some sort of social life, I realised that to the extent I've succeeded it's because
I've worked it out, consciously, often painfully, step-by-step. So far not so earth-shattering.

Then the image came. If it was my leg that was the problem, I'd be using an artificial one.
And isn't that what I've been doing for years, with my social interaction?

Yes, I'm walking around with an artificial mind, compared to those which developed in a more instinctive way. (the majority?)

No wonder is sometimes appears a bit creaky and clunky to others,
and sometimes appears as sharp and as as tough as steel!

It's not a soft thing of natural social growth, but a piece of precision engineering!

Nicely put

I think of it as putting on a well-crafted mask, or portraying a character from a movie. When I'm socializing I have to put aside the clever remarks that come to my mind while listening to them get to the end of whatever they're saying. I then reply as if I'm one of THEM!

By the way Emettman, love the avatar of Rowland's cleaning up machine!!

That imagery works too. And explains how we can fool so many. at the cost of a certain effort.
(to the point of getting complaints that "You can't have Asperger's, you can...")
The more perceptive and/or intuitive can notice the mask. That slight "click/whirr" as the higher level thinking produces the desired response, which then often gets taken as "false" or "contrived", or just vaguely "odd" and "wrong".


If you like Emett, do have a look at my picturetrail site:
http://www.picturetrail.com/emettplus
for few more pieces...

There are still a few Emett fans around.

Emettman and Prof, I love your descriptions of the process of socializing with the N.T's! It's exactly what I've been thinking for the last ten years or so, as I review failed friendships, and and conversations that skew off in odd directions.

This is very insightful! You are right, too.

Having AS means we simply do NOT function socially like others do. It never comes natural to us to socialize like NT's do, and it is impossible for it to become natural.

But at the same time... it is very much possible to mimick the social techniques to the point of mastery. Which means we throw people off sometimes.

I've spent years holding in the way I am, yes I'm really good at mimicking the way it works, but it eats me up inside, since I've decided to just be myself people are actually very interested in what I have to say, why waste such a mind on trying to be them, when we can be something completely different!

I'm glad you feel that way!

I hope things continue to improve!

I think the original poster was referring more to an insight he had into how his mind works, which he is proud of, rather than something that improved in his life.



That is a good way of putting it indeed. I want to become more like this.

Your site is filled with such fascinating, wondrous machines. And now my utter confusion over your avatar is resolved.

This splits off in at least two ways, doesn't it?

One is the feeling of hypocrisy. Of deliberately being false, not showing one's true self.
A debit against honesty, as the entry price for acceptance.

There are huindreds of negative and positive stories here about what can happen when the mask slips, or is put aside. People celebrated for their originality, and others attacked for their oddity or non-conformity.

The other "cost" is independent of the above, and comes from having to dedicate more mental resources to activities that others may be running almost automatically.
(There's a computer analogy to be developed here, if anyone is inclined...)
Even if the aims of the deliberate social interaction are seen as good and beneficial, not false and a pretence, they still seem to require significant effort. Practice and familiarity does help, certainly, but does not totally eliminate the cost of "thinking one's way" through the maze of the world.

Better not to think? A few writers and thinkers(!?) have considered this a possibility.

Oh! I'm sorry, I misinterpreted that!

That's great!

Sure

It's like the NTs are computers with the all new Dual NVIDIA® GeForce™ 7900 GTX graphics card while we Aspies have no graphics card and we have to emulate by software rendering on our Intel® Core™ 2 Extreme X6800, that's a top of the line processor but it's just not made for that job. Now the NTs have Celeron processors, but they still manage to render Quake 4 at a decent 60fps while our rendering looks like a slideshow.

The way I am means I LOVE to think, I know everybody thinks, but to simply think and ponder about things, when I use this energy on creating an image I don't have any left to spend on what I truly desire, and this leaves me miserable.

How about, thinking about it enough, to satisfy that part of you that needs a bit of contact, but not letting it rule your life, because you ultimately know whats important..

To me I'd rather give a beautiful message, or piece of music to the world, than simply spend all my energy being another person following the herd, I don't want to be unique, I don't want to be special, I just want to be me... Which isn't something I can prevent anyway..

For me its not a choice though, if I fake it, I lose it, if I'm honest, I never lose it, this keeps it simple. Though on the flipside I do think its important to learn how to at least converse with the average joe, but 100 pointless conversations mean less to me than 1 conversation in which I truly feel connected..