Memory

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I have questions about memory, and how Asperger's affects memory. Haven't done research into this but I would like to, for now I'm tossing it out to ask if others have researched it, have information or good links, or would like to share your own experience.

For me - I tend to remember too much it seems - small details. Not what was said but where I was standing, where you were standing,what you were wearing, what I smelled at the time, on and on. And for print I tend to have a somewhat but not quite photographic memory.

What I'm most interested in is that NT people often say they 'think back and remember something happy' and that cheers them up and makes them feel happy now. It doesn't for me, and the reason is, when I think back to a day I was happy, I see myself happy and I'm even more sad that I'm not there now, I'm here now. And now I'm sad.

If I think back to when I spent time with someone I liked being with and it was fun, my mind quickly compares that day to this day, and I'm without that person, so I'm more sad.

I don't feel good knowing I was happy back on that day. Or that something good took place. It seems all it does it cause a worse time for right now by comparison.

This is not a real complaint, I'm not having a bad day right now, just something I wonder about often when I hear people enjoying their memories. I think back when my kids were small and laughing and it makes me very depressed because those little kids are gone. They're not really gone - they grew up - but the children are gone, so the little people I played with and taught things to and had fun with really are gone. I can't think back on when they were little and feel good, it just makes me feel so much sadder when I think back - it makes it so clear that they're not here now.

I wonder if anyone else feels this way and/or knows why.

Maybe focusing on how bad things COULD be might help. It certainly makes me feel better I have what I have.

Not quite sure this is the sort of response you're looking for, but.........from my own experience, my short-term memory isn't that great. Some examples being that I will "remember" having left my phone charger in my locker at work when I actually left it at home, or I will lay my keys down somewhere and forget/blank out where I left them.

Oh god... My family comes to me if they can't remember when a certain person from the Holocaust was born.

I don't think that I've ever used this "think back to a happy time" technique to cheer myself up. I'm trying it out now, and it's not working. It has no effect. I feel nothing. Actually, I don't think that I've ever consciously tried to cheer myself up by thinking some particular thought.

My memory is awful, usually. I only really remember logical systems. Whenever I've tried to learn other languages, I can remember the syntax/structure of the language, but I can never remember the words. It's not really even remembering the syntax, it's more that I understand how the syntax works, and then it's in my head forever.

If it's an interest I'm obsessing over, I usually can remember everything because I build an internal logical system for categorizing it.

Your post reminds me of a time when I was talking with someone about nostalgia and I said I don't get it. She was perplexed, even bothered by that statement. When I look at photographs of months ago, I might have the thought "I was happy then," but there's no warm feeling to go back or anything. I can't remember how I was feeling, except that I know I enjoyed myself.

You too, huh?

That's why people have photos around, too. I've never been one to have photos at work or anyplace and when I have asked people why they bother they say it makes them feel good - they look at the picture and think of that day or a happy time or that person in the picture and it makes them feel good.

I've never experienced feeling good from looking at a picture so I figured it's a memory thing. If I think back to the day shown in the picture, I remember the day. If it was a happy time, I remember I was happy and now all of that event is not happening so now seems very bland and sad by comparison.

Exactly. That's it.

What I have learned from NTs is that they do use photos to jog their memory and they relive that day or that time and it makes them feel warm - happy - calm. It helps them now to clearly remember then.

I remember the *then* very well anyway because my long term memory is very good. So maybe NTs memories are not good and it takes a visual cue to cause them to remember, then once they do they're pleasantly surprised by the memory. In my mind the memory was there all along so there's no surprise.

I dunno - I really want to dig into this more and try to understand why the "remember back when you were happy on that day" thing never works.

It was *that* day, it's not *this* day. :\

My memory isn't as good as yours, so pictures do jog my memory and make me go, "oh yeah, I did that." What I'm realizing is that NTs must remember things in emotions. I remember things in pictures, maybe sometimes in senses, but never in emotions.

I wonder if that's how NTs categorize memories. My memories are stored linearly in time. If I try to pull up all my happy memories, I draw a blank. I don't have a category for "happy memories." If I try to pull up memories from 4th grade, I can sift through them linearly and find the ones in which I was happy.

Does this seem true for you folks or is it just me?

I'm pretty sure if I ask my NT friends to pull up X happy moments, they could do it easily, like all their memories are linked through emotional categories.

I'm also realizing that I don't have "happy memories." NTs say, "Oh, that's such a happy memory!" I don't have happy memories, I just have memories. Some of them I was happy in, but the memory itself isn't happy. Same with sad memories. For NTs, it seems, the memory is actually the emotion itself (which is why they must feel that emotion, and not just remember it).

OH MY. That sounds like the easiest way to be happy, ever! WHAT AM I MISSING OUT ON?! haha. No wonder we're a depressed bunch!

You are really onto something here. Yes -

I have been told to "pull up happy memories" also and nothing. Blank.

But I can remember nearly anything else - pull up memories of 4th grade - okay, they're all there. Teachers, kids, family, dog, school, home - yep. Are some happy and some sad? yes. But you're right - they are linear - they are categorized in my brain the way they happened NOT by emotion.

NTs do apparently store memories by emotion so when you tell them "Think back to your happiest day" they can - almost immediately. I can't. I've had happy days but they don't come to mind like that.

I prefer to look forwards and create a picture of how I want things to be in my head. Then I like to think about how I am going to achieve them and what I can do now to get things started.

That usually pulls me out of a slump as it gives me a new project or two to work on and that keeps me entertained for hours...days...months...years....

At the moment it is my degree so that is all I think about lol. It is a good job I don't have friends as I would have driven them mad with it and the course I changed to (when I changed degree pathways) has not even started yet! It begins in about a month (just over) but I have the course materials and have started on what I can get done already. I never was good at waiting and being patient lol.

Thing is I study for nigh on 14 hours a day if I can, if not longer. I have no bedtime routine at the moment as most nights I end up staying up all night with my nose in various books. This results in my sleeping during the day instead (I still need about 8 hours as I am not functional on much less lol). Even if I mean to start going to bed at a regular time at night time I never get around to it as I get side tracked by what I am studying and lose track of all time.

No room in my brain for thinking about things that have long gone anyway...I only have room for what I am trying to cram into it right now and in the future.

Thinking back about happy times that are gone makes me feel sad but mostly because I was happy then and am not happy now...so I just want the happiness back in whatever form it takes this time around.

Last edited by bumble on 27 Dec 2011, 5:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

There is something called left and right brain memory, even among NTS but I suppose among autistics it also varies.

I know that I have more left-brain memories and suspect most Aspies do to.

I just draw a blank when I try to think of the past, in most situations.

I remember the details but I have no feelings about it.

It's also said that people who form more right-brain memories tend to see things from POV, which I never have. I've always seen myself as if I were outside of y body in memories.

Last edited by EXPECIALLY on 27 Dec 2011, 5:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Same here...thinking of happy memories draws a blank, thinking of specific events that have happened does not. In some cases I remember how the events made me feel by recalling the event and in some cases I only know how I feel about those events now (its like the emotional memory is not or it is there vaguely but has been replaced by more up to date information).

The result is that thinking back to a happy or sad time or any other time does not always bring up associated emotions. It may be that I just recall it in a logical information type way rather than in an emotional way. If it is something that is no longer affecting me physically then I tend to recall the event without dragging up a load of emotion with it.

If it is related, or similar to, something that is affecting me today (ie bullying for example) then thinking about it may bring back old emotions but only because I am experiencing similar emotions in the present day (being bullied again).

This might seem to odd to most people, as I am supposed to get very upset over things that happened to me a long time ago and relive the moment emotionally when I think about it (so it seems anyway) but that does not happen with me. If it is over, is no longer present in my physical world and is no longer affecting me directly I really just recall the event without the emotion attached.

Now I may be able to name the emotions I felt at the time...but I DO NOT feel them all over again as I did at the time.

I like it this way though, as it means I can move on from past hurts without having them affect my present day life. It basically allows me to heal and get on with life.

Do NT's remember in emotions?

Last edited by bumble on 27 Dec 2011, 5:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That brings up a question I would like to ask...

How many people see their memories from outside of themselves as though they are watching a movie on video tape playing back in their head with moving pictures in colour and sometimes with sound.

That is how I experience my memories and I want to know how normal that is lol (or whether it is NT or not).

Oh wow - VERY very interesting observations!

I just sat here and called up a memory from my childhood, one from my teen years, and one from last week and I'm surprised to realize that I remember the scene as if it's on video. It is NOT through my eyes, the way I experienced it.

I never realized that.

So the question is - do NTs remember things this same way or not? Is it an Aspie thing?

This topic gets better and better... you mean some people see memories from first person? I've always had a third person view in my memories. I'll have to research this right/left brain memories thing.