how to get past the darkest depressed apathy?

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2011 I pretty much stayed in bed. I lost my last friend (I had loads), got fired from my volunteer job when a new manager arrived and I couldn't be bothered to manipulate her (did that with the previous, ticked it off my list), and gave up. Now I'm somehow back at my bpd mum's, who I hadn't spoken to for years because it's only possible to have a really sick relationship with her, and I haven't left my bedroom in a week. Last I was here I had the vigour of youth, I was unhappy but it was intensely unhappy and I could focus and become useful. Now I feel very old, I've done a lot and learned sooo much but it feels like my doing days are over. My dad wants to bribe me with a laptop so I'll see him, haven't seen him in 15 years because crazy violence was never appealing to me while my body was taking care of itself. I can't trust myself to make good decisions any more. I should get out of here even if it means being alone for another year?

There was a girl from over a year ago, I instantly recognised her as the second best girl I'd ever met (not enough motivation to actually get to know, on the other hand no burnt bridge for the first time ever), she's spent the intervening time playing the game with a psychopath which means (in theory) she'd welcome the chance to use me as leverage if I could be arsed. I haven't been able to trick myself that that's something to live for. I won a better fight for a better girl. Not sure I can do repeats, less good. But maybe that's the best life offers.

I won't take medication. I tried therapy and the only good guy I found said I had to do stuff. Anything, whatever. Then I could see him again, once I had started doing stuff. So there's that, but I'd have to do stuff first, and I'm lying in bed at my mum's house.

Stay in bed for awhile. It will pass.

I'd agree with the counsel on doing stuff, but sometimes a med is in order though. If you drag yourself out , and you are clinically depressed, it is certainly hell on wheels. If you had the right med along with doing stuff, this could make you a new man. This is serious business and you can get locked away in a negative loop cycle that only a med could break.

There is a school of thought on changing your mood and mental mode by forcing yourself 'out there.' Sometimes though the energy isn't there to do this, indicating clinical depression.

Sounds like clinical depression to me as well. I've been there. You probably need some med's at least for a little to get moving in the right direction again.

But trust me, it can get better!! !! Don't give up on yourself!

Everyone is different and what worked for me may not work for you, but I want to at least tell you what worked for me when I was in your state, maybe some of it will help.

1. get away from the ones who are harming you, staying away from your dad sounds like a good idea first of all. Then work on the mom situation.

2 therapy and possible meds.

3. try mindfulness meditation, a lot of therapists recognize the benefits of this now and are using it.

4. look into spiritual avenues for you. For me it was Buddhism, scientific and seems to work well for the Aspie traits, if you're Aspie. But what works for you will be good. What I love about Buddhism is there is no parental figure doleing out reward and punishment, it's cause and effect. Really isn't even considered a religion by many, even the Dalia Lama states it's more of a philosophy for happiness and loving kindness. But this works well for those Aspie's who have an aversion for athority and like things to be explained and scientific.

5. try to accept and then remind yourself daily that this can and will change, there is nothing so permanent that you have to be in such despair over, everything is in motion and change is always on the way.

6. Tai Chi or Quigong either would be great to get you started moving in a healthy direction, soothing energy healing slow excercises. TAKE A WALK OUTSIDE AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN. Be around nature and, I'm not kidding here, hug a tree it's energy is healing!

7. watch a funny movie. Happy Gilmore was a go to one for me.

I hope you feel better soon, it's a tough place to be in, but you're not alone many others have been there and come through it, you can as well.

I cannot stand taking meds becasue I have such lousy reactions to them but when I get that low... it really is the only thing to bring me out of it. y depression isn't about depressed thinking, it's very chemical. I usually employ every self help depression strategy there is before I resort to meds. When I do I resort to a dose a fraction the size of a norm persons.

The last thing you want to do is move - exercise. BUT, the endorphins are probably your most powerful self dispensing 'medication'. Even if you can only force yourself to do some long slow stretching in your room - try. You will have to force yourself but after a few long slow stretches you should feel a little hint of what it can do for you. If you are unsure how to stretch properly, just google it - there are tons of sites online to teach you.

Breathing. The biggest thing that we take for granted. Google 'mindful breathing'. Learning how to do these deep breathing exercises can be quite powerful. It is utilized in yoga and in meditation practices and they can absolutely help change your mood and dark thoughts. Again, they also activate some feel good endorphins while helping to properly oxygenate - when you are depressed, often people will breathe very shallowly. This deep breathing sort of wakes you up.

Sunlight. Whether you are prone to seasonal affective disorder or not - you've been holed up in your room and probably haven't gone out much at all. Sunlight will help regulate your moods if you do have seasonal affective and if not, lack of sun also starts to rob your body of vitamin D making you fell sluggish and contributes to htose rasons to not get out of bed. Depression hurts - just like hte commercial says. Even if you can only stick you head out your window - 15 minutes of direct sunlight a day will help keep your vitamin D up and maybe help you feel a bit better too.

Hope some of that helps.

How are you today? Feeling any better?

Seriously try to get outside for some fresh air.

I was in my bed for a large part of this year, all I can say is let people help you if you can. Get away from the ones that hurt you as much as possible, even if you just go to a library to read. Therapy and meds have worked for me but only after several meds that didnt help at all. Also watching funny movies is a great idea, when I was still super low, I made a huge effort to go with a friend to see Bridesmaids and laughed my butt off for the first time in ages. Some other ones that are funny are Horrible Bosses, Hangover 2, Drop Dead Gorgeous, Shallow Hal, Zoolander. Things like that.

I hope you feel better.

I always had something to look forward to, that's the main thing I lack now. I know about meditation and exercise but after I start I give up because I don't see a future. I'm back at my flat now but I've just eaten two pizzas. There's one fight I could get back into but it's one I've already fought on a bigger stage, and I have some kind of allergy to doing the same thing twice.

fraac, I only wish I had the allergy to doing the same thing twice because Ive been thru similar things it would have been better to avoid the second or third time around.

I just wanted to say that I've also had long periods of time where I saw no future. I made plans poorly because I had lost any vision of myself and life in the future and consequences of actions. I had always had dreams and goals before that, and none of them had worked out like I had planned and I honestly felt like there was no way I would see that future for myself again because it felt broken out of me.

there is a cartoon strip called Mutts that has a little cat in it and I wish I could find it for you. its a little dog tied to a short leash in the yard. "it is not always possible to be happy" and then the next frame is the little dog at the end of his short chain giving a little head scratch to the kitty. and it says something like "but it is always possible to make another happy". I think it means that even when things are bad, if you can find a way to help someone else it will make things a little better.

Why aren't you trying meds? If they don't work or you get bad side effects, you can stop taking them, you know. They don't make you high; they just make it a little easier to fight the depression yourself.

That said. Sometimes, you have to do things one movement at a time. Have you tried starting with a very simple thing, like moving a limb? If you start with the stuff that is still manageable, you can often get yourself out of bed and showered at least.

Regarding exercise: You probably don't have the energy right now; so it might be a little ambitious for you to go out and go jogging or something. Try something you can do--something small. Maybe going outside and sitting in the sun. Going out to get the mail. Accompanying your family to a shopping trip and sitting in the car while they shop. Find something you can do, and do that.

You say you "can't see a future" and that's pretty classic depression. So don't think about the future right now; think about it later. For now, just think about the small things you can do that might help you feel better. Push against those limits that your mind has placed on you--you won't have a lot of energy to push against them, at first, but that's okay; the main thing is that you just keep on trying things.

Lots of people make the mistake of trying to power through depression, forcing themselves to act as though nothing's wrong. If that worked, it'd be great, but unless you've got a pretty mild episode it doesn't really work at all. The better way is to try to work your way around it, carefully. Trick it, rather than trying to shove your way through it. Rather than saying, "I'm going to go out and jog five miles today and then I'm going to clean the house," say, "I'm going to sit up in bed," and then, "I'm going to put my feet on the floor," and so on until you've taken a shower and gotten dressed and have gotten out in the fresh air or gotten yourself a nutritious meal or whatever you know you need to do. Don't think about the big steps; just the tiny little ones that you know you can do. Never set yourself a task that's too big for you to think about all at once, or else you'll just get discouraged. Depression can really make you disorganized and stop you from thinking straight and planning properly; so it can help to do the usual things that help you remember things--alarms, schedules, planners, sticky notes, whatever works for you.

Oh, and here's one more important thing: Depression is episodic. That means it comes in "episodes"--which by definition do NOT last forever. They go away eventually, even on their own. Without treatment, it takes a lot longer; and I think you should get treatment--at least try medication, see if after a few weeks you are having an easier time getting things done; and if you are, you'll know that the medication is helping (or you are getting a placebo effect or a natural remission, but those are just as good). Find a doctor who doesn't demand you "do something" without helping you figure out ways to get started, and is willing to help you get your thoughts straight so that they are realistic instead of unrealistically pessimistic.

Good luck--depression sucks, but it's survivable. Promise. I've been there.

I can do stuff, get up and clean and go for walks. None of it makes me feel anything, so I don't bother.

Meds can do the trick, fraac. This is not in the purview of normal everyday processing . But it seems to be so because it emanates from within and it appears like a personality trait, thus a choice. Indeed it is a choice, but it could very well be underpinned by depressed neurons.

When better or having more energy, I'd set up an appointment and check into it. I dont believe you ( or one) can attain a homeostasis in mood by external factors alone. If the fault is biological, talk therapy alone can work, but it takes years to break this down, even decades, but is never complete -- no panacea here -- and the investment usually is not worth it. And meditation or exercise can work to alleviate much of it by thinking and gaining insight, hence some relief. No different than professional talk therapy, though.

It's the same for me.

I can pretty much guarantee you that it'd be worse if you didn't do anything! The feelings often do stay gray and dull for a good while, even after you have some of your energy back, though. That's one of the frustrating things about recovering from depression: While you start to recover your energy and your ability to plan, you still feel horrible, or feel nothing at all. The feelings seem to stick in the "depressed" mode for a while after you've started getting better. Unfortunately, it seems like the only way to get through that is just to stick it out until your mood starts to match your increasing energy level. Try keeping mental track of how much you're getting accomplished. If you're recovering, that will gradually start to increase. I can always tell I'm getting better when I start to get my schoolwork turned in again--even though at first, I probably had to force myself to do it and know it's nowhere near my best work. Use objective measures; facts. If you go by your feelings, you'll just get the same old "you didn't do anything useful, you can't do anything useful, why not just stay in bed" useless refrain. Feelings can be deceptive.

Oi Fraac, I am sorry to hear you are feeling so low. You are one of the wittiest posters on this website. Your succinct posts make me laugh. You don't mess around, you get right to the point.

Yeah meds work, if you can find the right combination and are diligent about taking them correctly.

As far as the physical exercise, do it anyhow. Whether you perceive it is making you feel better or not. Feeling better from exercise will sneak up on you. Same for the daily chores, do it anyhow.

Journaling might be good for you. Just a thought.

I liked your last post for the OP Glossy (?) and her 'I think he is an Aspie BF woes', "you are nuts', I agree, she is emotionally labile, that probably would have been the more polite way of putting it.

It is always darkest before the dawn....do the daily stuff anyway

My experiences with meds have been like this: Meds have helped me break cycles of maladaptive cognition that were otherwise reinforcing themselves over and over again. I didn't need to stay on the meds to stay broken out of the cycle - it made it possible for me to see the cycle and stop it.

Your therapist doesn't seem very helpful, since depression tends to hit you right where you can motivate to "do stuff." I find with depression that motivating factors cease to be relevant to me.