Question for diagnosed Aspies: Do you care about fitting in?

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I'm undiagnosed and I've been trying to talk to therapists about the possibility of Asperger's (I am diagnosed with social anxiety and have ADD in certain situations). Both therapists have dismissed it because I don't come across as someone with Asperger's. My new therapist told me about her patient with Asperger's, describing him as someone who isn't at all interested in learning the "accepted" way ofacting. He just doesn't understand it and doesn't want to. For those diagnosed with Asperger's, is this generally true? Or are you sometimes, or even often, vigilant about trying your best to do what's appropriate, what makes sense to others, etc. in order to feel like you function better at work and in relationships? Thanks in advance for your input.

It depends entirely on the person with AS. I am very much happy to be left alone, not socialise, not have friends and I am not bothered about learning the 'right' way to do things if I think my way is easier/better even if it puts me at a disadvantage. I have a cousin who almost certainly has AS (aunty is in denial) who is the complete opposite. Although he is REALLY awkward socially, he really wants friends and tries really hard to please people. That's not a reason to discount diagnosis though as far as I am concerned.

Also with regards to your therapist, please teach her this quote from a person with autism:

'If you have met one person with autism, you have met one person with autism'

Not everyone with autism/AS are identical. I live in a specialist residential home for people with AS/autism and I have met people who are at both extremes.

I seem to be the type that feels the need to have friendships. It's naturally built in me. It makes life a little more interesting to know about other people. If I was acedemically bright and confident with special interests and can stay focused, perhaps I wouldn't be too fussed about having friends. But I'm not really that way inclined.
I've got more of a social trait in me. My ''special interests'' are based around social in some way. When I draw, I draw pictures of people talking or doing some sort of activity. When I write, I write stories of people in social groups. When I play the Sims 2, I make them live with mates and make them go to parties (I've installed Nightlife). I'm obsessed with buses, but I'm not a ''trainspotter'', nor do I collect timetables and memorize routes. The reason why I'm obsessed with buses is because I'm obsessed with bus-drivers.

So this is why I care to have friends and fit in, etc. It's because I'm rather obsessed with people (even though crowds worry me).

Finally, after getting the diagnose, I try not act anymore.
I want to be around people but I want to be my self.
It is not easy.
If you not are your self (around people) whats the point sosialising?

In many ways, there are no 2 Aspies alike. It's a broad spectrum, even for Aspies. I think that makes a dx difficult sometimes, because unless you come across like a flaming Aspie, doctors often think you aren't. But many of us are good at hiding our Aspieness, even when tested or examined. Others just don't present out front symptoms that can be readily seen. I went through 5 different therapists before one said to me, "Have you ever thought you may be Autistic?" Digging deeper, I am totally Aspie, but no one else ever picked up on it. Unfortunately, I think some therapists/doctors have a one dimensional view of Aspergers, and if you don't fit the view, then you don't have it.

Don't give up if you feel you are an Aspie. Advocate for yourself. Read up and make a case to your therapist. Also, if you can, get another opinion.

I do try my best to fit in. I'm certainly not the best at it, but it doesn't stop me from giving it my all!

I don't know. If someone tells me to do something for the sole purpose of fitting in, like cutting my hair short, I will be defiant.

I personally don't care about fitting in, but plenty of other Aspies on here do.

It saddens me to hear what your therapist said to you, as I thought it was becoming more accepted that people with Aspergers go to varying lengths to cover up their traits. I've known people with Aspergers drive themselves to mental illness for the sake of fitting in, whilst others are adamant they don't care what anyone thinks. Personally, I'm somewhere in the middle - I'm reluctant to be anyone but myself for friends, but always 'put on a face' for work, (not entirely successfully!)

When I was diagnosed, the NHS psychiatrist (I'm in the UK), spent a lot of time talking to my mother about what I was like as a young child, before (to put it crudely) I'd learnt to pretend not to be autistic. If you can get a parent, or someone who knew you when you were young, to speak to your therapist, that might make things a lot clearer.

Yes, I do. It's never fun being stuck on the outside, looking in. I won't change who I am just to fit in, though. At the end of the day, I like being me.

I could honestly care less if I fit in. If I feel like I have to act a certain way, I tend to be kind of mean.

You could care less? So I take it that you do indeed care about fitting in, then?

I don't much care for fitting in completely, but I do wish I did a better job fitting in at work. My differences cause my and others' work quality to suffer, apparently.

I don't need to fit in. People need to fit in with me. Mine is the only opinion that matters.

I don't care about fitting in, though I dislike being the center of attention.
I care a lot about not doing anything that will hurt or upset other people.

I'm not defiant like some on here are, but I just don't think about what others think in a lot of situations.

I used to worry more about what people thought about me but that's getting better and I'm starting to not care what people think. Although I would like to be able to fit in enough to carry on a casual conversation with a group of people. But as far as things like how I do my hair, not wearing makeup and my ultra comfy clothes I don't care what people think, they don't live in my body.