Keep getting reminded my social relationships are different

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I just had a few weeks off school, for Christmas. During those weeks, I didn't socialize much. I spent New Years alone, I went to a movie and actually had quite a good time. I was going to spend it with other people on the spectrum, and I wish I could have, but taking myself out to a movie was the second best thing.

From spending time alone, and getting inspired from the movie I saw, I actually felt like I had all I needed to be happy. I was fine.

Then I went back to university today and met with a friend for a cello lesson. We didn't talk much except for talking business. After the lesson, we were leaving the practice area and she ran into a friend. I awkwardly hung around while they talked about their plans for Thursday night.

It just reminded me that I don't seem to have social relationships like my peers. I've managed to make friends with a couple people who are in their last year, 2 years ahead of me. We say hi and stuff in the hall and walk home after choir every week, and this one girl is teaching me cello because she has to for a class she's taking, but they don't invite me anywhere, even just for a coffee. If I take the initiative and ask, we go for coffee maybe once. But I don't have a group of friends who would invite me out Thursday night.

The girl said after we left the practice area that I didn't have to hang around while she talked with her friend. I just felt awkward, and didn't know I was expected to excuse myself. I just wanted to hang out with my friend.

So we walked to her locker, and then more of her friends approached her and they started talking. This time, I did manage to excuse myself, and she waved me off like an afterthought.

I don't seem to have friends like NT people seem to have friends. What I hate is that it didn't bother me during break where I didn't socialize with many people. I felt like music and inspiration and myself was all I needed, then I interacted with this friend today and now I feel defective and abnormal and not good enough.

I know I'd be okay without many friends, I know I don't need this socialization to be happy. I seem to do better when I'm on break and don't interact with these people as much. It's only when I see them in relation to their own friends that I feel defective.

But I don't want to isolate myself from everyone, either.

Has anyone ever felt this? How do you make it not sting so much?

I know this probably isn't helping much, but I can't relate to your situation. Throughout my life, I've only had a few friends, but they've all been close friends. Friends who accept and understand my introverted personality.

Sure, they have much greater social lives and spend time with other friends. But I'm okay with that. If a friend of mine is going to be busy, my typical response is "alright, it's cool, I need a break anyway."

Be kind, honest, show compassion and support, etc., and eventually, these distant friends will turn to you in times of need as they question the quality of their other friendships.

I'm guessing that, being an aspie and lacking empathy, that is what is difficult.

Maybe what I need to do is figure out how to be ok with my friends having larger social lives than I do. When I'm alone for a period of time, I'm happy with myself. When I'm around them and have the chance to compare, I feel lacking.

I don't know how to send those unconscious signals that you want to be better friends with someone. I worry that maybe I send the opposite signals. Sometimes I wonder if I unconsciously project "leave me alone".

Don't hang out with that person again. The way she treated you was as if you were a thorn in her side.

Find people more like you who will not treat you dismissively. If the same thing was done to that person, she wouldn't be happy about it. Nor should you.

I don't think I want to cut this person out of my life. She's my friend. I don't doubt that. I enjoy talking to her. She's nice to me and usually makes an effort to include me at least at choir, and she did invite me to her birthday party last year. Also she's teaching me cello for her class, for at least one more week. I think she just got involved with her own friends and I shouldn't have expected more of a 'goodbye' than I got. She meant no ill will, I'm guessing. It just wouldn't fit the logical pattern.

I think the issue I'm having is that I don't seem to have deep relationships like my peers, or very many relationships, and when I see my paltry social life compared to my friends it gets me down.

I think what I need to focus on are my volunteer opportunities - in order to build up my social life a little I've been taking volunteer jobs around my interests, because with a job, you have rules to follow, which is so much easier than just socializing with no rules whatsoever. So after I posted this tonight, I went to my university's theatre club meeting, where I am the secretary. I didn't really say much to anyone, but just being there and having a job to do and having someone thank me for doing it made me feel better.

So maybe I'll try and find more opportunities for structured interaction with other people, like volunteer jobs.