help me to understand this...

Post Reply New Topic

Most kids at school understand I'm weird and fortunately give me my space and don't bother me, but recently one girl in my P.E. class, for whatever reason, decided to cross my barrier of isolation. What I mean is that when I'm standing in line for something in P.E. or just acting idle she comes over and talks to me in a way too friendly voice, saying things like "Hi Sam." "How are you?" "What's up?" "Do you still draw? I know you're really good at art. I wish I could draw that good." If I reply she'll say things like "cool" or "wow" And other times she asks odd questions like "how come you don't talk much?" "Why's your hair wet"(I'm constantly wetting my hair to get it to stay straight because it works better than gel. I think that's one of the reasons why people think I'm so weird) "Did you dye your hair?"(I naturally have blonde hair but a couple days before school started I dyed my hair black. That's probably another reason why I'm thought of as weird) I'm sure most of those odd ones are questions anyone might ask but she's pretty much the only who has asked me those questions. The only other person who act like this towards me is a friend of my mom who's an adult, but she's one of those hyper-friendly people but the girl in my P.E. class does not appear to be that way.

I guess what I'm wondering is what's her motive? Why is she acting this way towards me? I'd like to think she likes me, but again, i don't know.

Not sure sounds like she is being friendly. How does she treat other people? The one
danger I ran into is some people usually women are very outgoing and friendly to all people and I have misstaken that they have had special interest in me many times. Often
leading to me feeling painfully rejected even though they were allways nice.

Hope you get some input from the females here, but it sounds to me like it's entirely possible that she actually does like you. Unless you see some clear reason to suspect foul play, there's no reason to assume it. Everybody out there is not the same. Exceptions do exist, some people have their own preferences, their own values, and their own way of looking at things. No point in looking for problems if you have to look too hard to find any.

And Hey, one is a whole lot more than zero.

One girl used to do this to me and I assumed it was because of a sort of maternal/protective instinct. I'm assuming she was straight, though.

Ladies, we need help here ! !! I feel like she might be sarcastic, and doing it for the benefit of her friends who think it's funny she pays attention to you.

What age are you?

hmmm. i'm suspicious. i remember those school days. and those really friendly types. i wouldn't trust it. i would trust your gut on this one. she's possibly doing this to "look cool" in front of the other people who think that you are wierd. some NT's thrive on humiliating other people as to make themselves look better. when you're older you realize it is because they are insecure in some way and want to "pick on" someone who seems inferior. i'm not saying that there is anything wrong with you but, i just remember back to when i was in school, and the "popular" girls would tease me about all sorts of things. (but in a seemingly friendly/interested manner) they'd say things like "what kind of clothes are YOU wearing? where do you shop at k-mart? (totally an insult where i'm from) how many boys have you kissed? i don't know, s**t like that. it is so hurtful to go through things like that when you are at such a vulnerable age (middle school/early high school) but eventually it goes away. does it ? hmmm. well. i suppose that those types of folk never change. they just get older and more shallow/annoying/petty with one another. one thing i had wished that i realized back then was that people may make you "feel" bad about yourself for one reason or another, but their true victory lies in that they had the power to do it to you. if you don't give them the power to make you "feel" uncomfortable, they can't get to you. so you're best bet is to show no signs of interest in what they are doing/saying to you and remember that you won't always have to be around these people forever.

hope that was helpful

i just know these things because i've been there and done that

hindsight is always 20/20

NT female reporting for duty!

What she's doing really depends on what kind of person she is. Is she friendly to other people?

When I was in high school and college then later as a teacher I made a special effort to seek out those around me who seemed painfully shy. I liked to talk with them and help them to become comfortable in talking to me. No hidden motivations there--it was just to be nice. I found they usually liked having someone to talk to just as much as everyone else once the isolation barrier was crossed. And I liked talking to them as well.

Sometimes there are females who will do this to do as Prof Pretorius says--and are not genuine. One good clue with young females doing this is that their friends will usually be looking on while she comes and does her talking.

Yeah if she always has witnesses something is probably up but if she comes up and talks when no ones looking she may have a genuine interest in you. What sort of interest is hard to say though.

Sometimes its a maternal instinct thing, other times its simple curiousity (we tend to seem a bit mysterious evidently) and sometimes it is genuine attraction.

My advice is just go with the flow and enjoy the company but dont get too attached until your sure of whats going on. If it turns out they were just messing with you just laugh it off and remember "Hey at least I had some fun while it lasted". Just dont end up like too many around here: jaded and terminally paranoid to the point your trying to "hurt them before they hurt you". There are still some genuinely kind people out there who dont deserve to be treated like that.

Has she got a lot of friends? If not then maybe she feels like a bit of an 'outsider' herself and feels comfortable talking to you as you are not one of a gang of boys, so you're not going to make jokes about her to your pals.
I think I'd just carry on being friendly, and as Freya said, enjoy the company but dont get too attached until your sure of whats going on.
See how it goes, and trust your instincts.

I think she likes you.

Gel is crap. You need to go to a real hair salon (like Bubbles) and ask for a product to take care of your hair issue.

AS is no excuse to not go properly groomed.

She is either interested or being a b***h.. My money is on the first..

I knew a girl that once took interest me.. she said i was cool.. took 21 years to hear that.. not like it matter.. She was already taken though and that sucked because she was just like myself, almost too similar..

Anyways, I'm going back in time.. but ya, she may be just a nice person altogether

A little while ago, Scrapheap went through a similar dilemma. Last he reported in, things were going very well for him.

What comes most to my mind is the potential harm that could come from either interpretation of these events on your part.

If she is a phony, or is playing games with you for whatever reason, and you don't do anything that could prove too embarassing in the future, it will hurt, but probably not be all that big of a deal.

On the other hand, if she really does like you, and you assume she's just playing games and blow her off... that could be a disaster.

It is really difficult to know what her motives might be. She might just be a nice friendly person.
My daughter got herself into an awkward situation with a guy with Aspergers, even though she was completely honest with him. He said he was looking for a girlfriend and she replied that she wasn't interested as she was too busy studying. However she said yes when he asked he to dance with him and was pleasant to him, and then he asked her to go out with him a couple of times. She again explained that she wasn't interested in a relationship with anyone at the moment, but afterwards she felt really bad and said maybe it would have been better if she hadn't danced with him in the first place because she was worried that she had hurt his feelings. What do other people think?

This is an area of life where the wisest minds in history have been complete fools. Sometimes you get hurt. Sometimes you hurt other people. I'm not sure it's possible to be either safe or harmless.

The inevitable cannot be avoided. If you choose to get involved in relationships with other people, there is always the risk of either hurting the other person or getting hurt.

Look at how this girl treats other people. If she treats other people the same way she is treating you, then she is probably genuine and wants a friend. If she falls in with the "popular clique", then I would avoid her and avoid getting into a relationship with her at this point in time.