CBT For Social Anxiety

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Has anyone here had CBT for social anxiety?

I have heard that they can ask you to keep a dairy. What sort of things are you expected to keep in this diary. For example, if I spend an evening socialising am I expected to write down how I thought it went?

This could be a problem for me as other than being able to say whether or not I enjoyed it personally I cannot detail exactly how it went. I just spent an evening with someone and have absolutely no idea what impression that person got of me, whether or not they liked me and so on. So in that way I cannot tell how it went.

On my side of things I just wanted them to go home so that I could get on with studying my geology, as I was really more interested in doing that.

I am a paradox. I want company but then when I get company I would rather be tinkering around with my hobbies or spend my time lost in my own thoughts. I will never figure that one out lol.

On saying that there are times I have enjoyed the social evening and am in no hurry to get back to my stuff, although that is usually the times where the social discourse has been centred around my own interests. Self absorbed of me I know, but I seem to be that way inclined (although I try not to be).

So Cbt, what sort of thing do they expect?

What is CBT?

Cognitive behavioural therapy

the thing is you need to write to your diary you emotions and how you liked the meeting or not. How you felt in there and your thought about that time. As you've written here, that you wanted to turn back to your geology studies.
You'll never know what your friends think about you and other things happening with them. Everything is for you to decide. Like you acting like this or that, for example, as you think people around you think particular things about you and how you will act if YOU think they have different feelings about you. No one can read other's thoughts )))

I so wish someone had said this to me 40 years ago...

'I am self-reliant, self-actualised etc; it doesn't matter to me what anyone else thinks of me'. Instead say 'The truth is I have an ape brain developed for living in complex tribes for 100,000's of years - if I was not accepted by the tribe I would be cast out, and if I was on my own I would die - so, like it or not, I am affected by what other people think of me, and if the tribe accepts me.' and 'It would be nice if the tribe accepted me, but if they don't, and I die, that's not the end of the world.'

Accepting this seems to have fixed a big set of anxieties for me.

p.s. this is part of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (Albert Ellis).

I think it may fit autistics/Aspergers very well.

You may be 'awful-izing' i.e. being very frightened of some things, without really thinking them through and facing their reality?
e.g.
"It will be awful if grandma dies." People do die. So say to yourself "It would be nice if my grandma lived forever, but not end of the world if she dies."
"It will be awful if the people here don't like me'. Instead say "It would be nice if the people here like me, but not the end of the world if they don't.'

You may be doing some exaggerated thinking?
e.g.
"My daughter is very likely to be taken away by someone in the next hour - it happens to everyone, all the time!"
"I am a very un-safe mother, and I take no care at all over my daughter!"
See that your thoughts are unrealistic and exaggerated, and replace them with more reasonable ones.

You may be holding on to false beliefs about yourself or the world that are stopping you recognise, face and think through your real sources of anxiety?
E.g.
'It is only what is inside me that matters for my attractiveness to men'. Instead say "It is both what is inside, and my outside appearance, that matters for my attractiveness to men. I can try to look nice, and maybe someone nice will be attracted to me."
'I am self-reliant, self-actualised etc; it doesn't matter to me what anyone else thinks of me'. Instead say 'The truth is I have an ape brain developed for living in complex tribes for 100,000's of years - if I was not accepted by the tribe I would be cast out, and if I was on my own I would die - so, like it or not, I am affected by what other people think of me, and if the tribe accepts me.' and 'It would be nice if the tribe accepted me, but if they don't, and I die, that's not the end of the world.'

You may be demanding too much of yourself?
E.g.
"I must look amazingly good!" Instead say to yourself "It would be nice if I was the most attractive-looking woman in the world, but it's not the end of the world if I am not."
"I must save the world today", etc etc

You may be demanding too much of others, or of the world?
E.g.
"It would be nice if everyone was nice to me every moment of my life, but it's not the end of the world if not.'
"It would have been nice to have had perfect perfect parents, but it's not the end of the world that I didn't."
"It would be nice if the world was perfectly just to everyone, but it's not the end of the world that it is not."

Go for it - attack that faulty thinking!

I'm in CBT for social anxiety. Up to now we just talked about things. I started keeping a journal to give my therapist an idea what I do with my days when I'm not working. The journal also helps me remember things that I want to talk about. Write what you think about. I forget to write on a daily basis so I have to think back several days sometimes. It's better to write daily, but not required. Really, my experience is that they expect what ever you are comfortable giving.

We did a bit of social role-playing this last time. It sounded weird but actually wasn't. It'll be up to you exactly what techniques are tried.

Ah, I was wondering if they would try role-play stuff. I cannot see that working as my brain will not buy into it. Doing a role-play is vastly different to real life and you have more information to work with when a scene has been set up (ie as with watching a movie you are privy to information you would not be privy to in real life).

Role plays are not going to be of any use to me, as they are really all about acting and I have an A level in drama. I know from that, that when you have a set piece (even if not scripted) where you already know the characters intentions etc, it is much easier to interact with those characters and play the part.

I act my way through social situations in life but it is still hard work, harder than when you have a scene that has been set for you and you have all that extra information about what is going on.

Role play is not real, unlike real life situations. So I fail to see who role play is beneficial.

The way we did it there was less information available than there would have been in real life. The "stage" was roughly set out with no specifics and my therapist's character was only roughly described, then we started talking. The tough part is that I was trying to play myself, not someone else's expectation of who I should be. I was able to ask questions about it and it brought to mind other real life situations that I had questions about.
There are other methods though. You don't have to do role-play.

How often are you expected to socialise?

I ask because it wipes me out energy wise and makes it difficult for me to function in other ways for a day or so. I had a social evening last night and even though I was not socially anxious around this person (mostly because I did not like them much and did not want them to like me...so really was not bothered enough to be worried if they didn't like me lol) it has still wiped all my energy out and today I don't even have the energy to study (I am bummed as I am itching to get back to my geology books).

If I have to socialise too much I will never get anything else done!

There are exceptions, where socialising with someone does not completely wipe me out, but those people are few and far between. Usually they are people I am bonded with, but even that can tire me a little if I do it too often...it depends. If I know a person very well I don't have to figure out their mannerisms as I have learned them so it cuts down on the amount of thinking I have to do to interpret things or make conversation.

This is often partly why I avoid socialising. Anxiety alone is not really enough to stop me socialising which is why I am not hopeful of the therapy solving my social problems (my diagnosis is Social Anxiety and not Aspergers as I have never been tested for the latter although I suspect it).

Today I can do nowt else but gawk at the tv and sleep. I am knackered.

My diary will also not read well if I have to do one. It will read something like:

Was bored and wanted to go and do something more interesting
Gave myself a headache trying to make small talk and pointless chitty chat.
Wanted to talk about something of more interest to myself but let people ramble on about stuff I am not interested in to be polite.
Wanted to get back to my hobby.
Had a conversation with someone outside, could not work out why they were talking to me or how to carry the conversation on.
Have no idea how to go out and make friends so stayed home

etc

The person I was socialising with last night said I was like one of those nodding dogs because all I did was sit there and nod and smile, nod and smile, nod and smile. It's a technique I learned and I use it a lot lolololol.

I was starting to feel like a nodding dog myself at one point lol

I really had nothing to say about what they were talking about (no topics of interest to me) and it was hurting my head trying to think of things to say about something I have nothing to say about.

I have some strange questions and things said about me when I socialise. Thank fully I find them amusing lol.

Examples include:

I always wear my favourite coat and people wonder and ask me why I always wear that coat.
I keep my curtains drawn due to light sensitivity in my eyes and the neighbours are always asking me why I do that
Apparently I pull my face around a lot when I am talking sometimes so they comment about that as I can be (at times) very animated. However when I was younger it was the other way around, I was not animated enough and had a dead pan face (people were always telling me to smile and cheer up when I was in a perfectly good mood!). I copied people like lee evans cause he is funny but now I can be too animated if I am not careful lolololol
The example above about the nodding dog is another
And when I do get talking (rather than nodding) I have had people ask me "if you don't mind me interrupting your monologue" although usually its a "shut up we are not interested" instead. That one stings a bit as I was just excited by what I was chatting about and thought other people would find it exciting too. Apparently not in most cases though

and so on.

Obviously my socialising techniques need more work. I can do surface polite very well indeed though! I had manners drummed into me as a kid so learned that saying things like 'you remind me of a donkey when you laugh' is apparently not a good thing to say (even though you are only making an observation and donkies are actually very pretty animals anyway) or you will end up being screamed at whilst you stand there scratching your head wondering what you said wrong lol.

It takes energy to keep it all up though, and it is energy I don't always have.

Well, umm... honestly it sounds like you are already socializing more than I am.
I'm the same way about getting drained. I retreat to recharge on a regular basis.
My socializing at this point consists of family, work, and my gamer buddies that I've known since high school.

I want to do some volunteer work as it is easier for me to talk to people (especially females) when I already have a subject in mind that I know we are both interested in. We have discussed this and gone over options, but I haven't done anything yet, even though I had all of December off. There was a lot going on what with the holidays and all, but I still feel like I should have done something towards this end. My therapist doesn't chide me about it. If I continually fail to do something, then it gets dropped and isn't brought up again unless I bring it back up. I don't want that to happen with the volunteer work though.

Other than occasional chat with a neighbour when they have approached me as I am trying to go up the local shop, that was the first social evening I have had in a year.

I am known for being elusive meaning people don't see much of me and as I won't answer the telephone some days if I am busy studying etc I am known for being hard to get hold of or track down.

I have been described by people as Elusive actually lol.

I don't have work and I don't have any family to socialise with so actually spend very little time being social. My brain is usually off elsewhere anyway and I have always been good at entertaining myself.

Even as a child I would tend to play by myself, partly because I was happy doing so and partly because I did not mix well with my peers...adults yes, peers no. My teachers used to force me to socialise though because they were concerned that I was not interacting with the other children. Tore me away from many games I was happily sat there playing by myself

I wonder if my attitude towards therapy and socialising comes from those days? Now I see this having to socialise as ripping into my hobby time. I could be doing some fascinating study and instead I now have to spend hours of an evening talking about complete and utter rubbish and making pointless chitty chat and small talk. There I am happily pottering around by myself and there is the world insisting that I go out and socialise. Gah.

The paradox is that I do get lonely for company sometimes but not just any just any company or company for the sake of company alone (I don't need company for the sake of company) and this they do not understand. They think that just going out and being around people eases my loneliness and it does not. What I am looking for is more specific than that.

1 I want a lover or friend that I share a bond with

2 I want someone I can talk about my interests with

That is what I look for in friendships really...someone to talk about my interests with and share a bond with.

Outside of that I do not care for socialising.

I understand the bit about the nodding dog. I rarely initiate dialog and mostly just respond to what the other person/people are saying. I get bored with a lot of stuff too.

Have you thought about joining the geologic society over there? I think they have occasional functions you could go to. It wouldn't exactly be party time, but at least you know the people there are interested in the same thing. There might even be something like that at the local university.
I hadn't thought about it before but I may join the one here.

My counsellor is referring me to CBT. I just hope to God it helps, because my Social Anxiety is just too big to defeat on my own - I do need help.