Get out of self-improvement free?

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I've noticed that a lot of people assume that Autism/Aspergers is nothing more than an excuse to not own up to their mistakes that they make (mostly social mistakes; they often are accused of being jerks) and to "get out of self-improvement free" and not make any changes.

Tangentially, many believe that some people fake having aspergers because it means they don't have to improve themselves and not be jerks.

Now leaving aside the issue whether or not a person is faking aspergers (which would be impossible to prove anyway; and if a person IS "socially ret*d" wouldn't it stand to reason that something isn't quite right with them, be it autism or any other similar disorder--hell, is there any such thing as a NT being "socially ret*d"?), how many here think that having autism/aspergers means you cannot be helped and can't change behaviors? Do you see your AS as a "get out of self-improvement free card" and thus not find a way to learn the various things so you don't seem like a jerk to others?

<--- Willing to learn.

Some may see it that way, but for me it is more of an explanation for why I have had the difficulties I have had all of my life. Even before I first suspected AS a few years ago, I was trying to improve and learn. Most people now don't see me as a jerk but rather as odd and quirky. I have learned to think before speaking and can usually tell when something will be hurtful. That doesn't mean I won't still say it, but I will try to word it in a way that sounds better. Usually this is something I reserve for when I see others in a self-destructive pattern of behavior. I feel it is better to confront them with the negative consequences of their actions rather than to shut up and preserve their self-esteem. So, is AS an excuse not to change? Not in the least! However, it is an explanation for certain difficulties and presents a road map for the little changes you need to make in order to work better in society. After all, you can't necessarily control your feelings and impulses but you can usually control your reactions to them.

I do try to get has much self-improvement as I can, but when I do, people just go, ''oh you'll never improve like that, you're different and abnormal and you just have to learn to live with it and accept yourself'', then when I don't make any effort with myself people go, ''instead of sitting there whining about it why don't you try getting out there and trying new things to help improve yourself and your confidence?''

I can't win!

My biggest fear is to stagnate...

I've been through improvements and some "regressive" times (losing skills I totally had before) since I was born.

Under circumstances suiting an autistic person, they can always learn to improve. I'm not claiming that such a person doesn't exist (especially because the ability to learn/learn fast definitely is restricted a lot by profound MR which can co-occur with autistic symptoms, though even someone like that learns of course), but though I often hear from therapists/specialists that it is super rare for any "high-functioning" or "low-functioning" autistic child or adult to noticeably improve (and that I'm a total exception, supposedly) I have yet to meet an autistic child or adult who does not improve in many areas that are affected by their autism if 1) together with therapists or parents they got a form of meaningful communication working (speech, cards, signing) and who 2) are actively taught stuff. After all, there's no way to improve if nobody offers you the opportunity to learn or when you're taught in a wrong way by which you cannot learn because of your disability. (Imagine a person with a hearing-impairment hardly hearing you but you keep on talking... how would they know what you're talking about unless they came up with lip-reading or something all on their own?)

Basically, almost all of those autistic people who are said to show "zero" improvements, they tend to either not have access to a form of communication that suits them, they learn very slowly and fewer things than most people to co-morbid conditions but they do learn (and maybe people don't pay attention enough to their improvements) or they're at sub-par institutions where they get taken care of 24/7, might adjust and feel comfortable but aren't taught to be more independent or even get frequently discouraged from gaining independence because there isn't enough staff available to help them with it and keep an eye on them.

I am how I am.

Some skills I really lack in
Some skills I'm fine

Not too much point focusing on the former and trying to improve such (I've tried and failed more times than I can count), rather focusing on what you can do and going with that.

for me, realizing I'm an Aspie pinpoints my starting point and provides theories of how to proceed. Right now, I'm reviewing my life in light of this revelation, and studying various books that I hope will lead to the needed proverbial "clue" I've sought my whole life.

_________________
If it don't come easy . . . .
. . . .hack it until it works right

Aspie score: 142/200 NT score: 64/200
AQ Score: 42
BAP: 109 aloof, 94 rigid and 85 pragmatic

I improve some.. I backslide every now & then, but I NEVER stop trying to do/be better.
I do not regard my difficulties as a Free Pass/Get out of Jail Card for bad behavior.

Sincerely,
Matthew

I don't try to act less autistic - in fact, I've deliberately adopted some autistic behavior that helps or is enjoyable in some way.

But I do constantly try to become both more knowledgeable and a more moral person. I also learn social skills, not so I can fake NT but so I can handle conflicts better and help others understand me.

Personally, I kind of resent the idea that AS is used as an excuse for not self-improving, because it implies that there's something terrible about being autistic. Whereas if most NTs were just more tolerant of differences, AS wouldn't be a problem.

Unless you're dead, you can work on things.

However, AS may mean that:

- You don't know exactly what you're doing wrong in the first place

- You don't know how to do things differently

- You try to do things differently, and your autistic traits keep getting in the way (such as poor executive functioning getting in the way of finding a job, or sensory issues stopping you from socialising).

- No matter how hard you work, in some areas you'll never bring yourself up to the average.

I do not wish to improve I'd rather clean toilets (which is where I'll end up I imagine) I need to look for a job

Hmm that tends to be the reaction I get when I disclose - "oh, that's nice, why are you telling me this, do you want special treatment?" especially at work.

I never want any handouts though, just to explain why I seem odd.

I know it's harder for me to learn social skills than NTs, but I try my hardest. It's a very slow process that requires many mistakes to be made (and learned from). People normally don't have the patience.

I can see why, though. Most people aren't exposed to social disabilities, so what looks like classic AS to a psychologist appears to be rude behaviour to the general public, who aren't familiar with AS.

Nope. If anything, it's improved my self-improvement efforts, as I know where to focus on and have more realistic goals now.