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animeboy
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21 Jan 2007, 1:31 pm

What is your method of conversing with other people? I have never been good at maintaining a conversation, and I also don't understand how to exit a conversation, I usually cannot stand to be away from what I am doing at the moment and do everything to end the conversation, from acting uncomfortable and continually saying goodbye to resorting to walking out of the conversation (or the room) sometimes so usually I have to resort to asking questions to have a normal conversation with someone else. Is this an autistic trait or am I just weird?



Last edited by animeboy on 21 Jan 2007, 7:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

logitechdog
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21 Jan 2007, 1:55 pm

If I knew, I would be able to fix it, than trying to find someone who will except I am different



prism97
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21 Jan 2007, 2:07 pm

I suck at conversation. most NT's seem to talk about nothing & for no reason. As for 'style', I've learned from observing NT's who are good at it how to mimic the correct behaviours, expression, phrases & topics. I can mimic pretty well & on a good day, nobody would ever suspect anything odd about me even after a lengthy discussion. Left to my natural tendencies, unless the topic being discussed is one of the weird subjects that obsesses me, I avoid conversations & socials at all costs. My natural tone has that 1-976 huskiness to it & wrong number guys ask whether the face (or the body) matches the voice. I can be very monotone & sound like a recorded message or a robot so I deliberately labour to vary my intonations when speaking.



MrMark
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21 Jan 2007, 3:33 pm

animeboy wrote:
What is your method of conversing with other people?

My method of conversation? A psychologist taught me Rogerian. It's just reflecting back what the other person has said.

animeboy wrote:
I have never been good at maintaing a conversation, and also I don't understand how to exit a conversation, I usually cannot stand to be away from what I am doing at the moment and do everything to end the conversation, from acting uncomfortable to resorting to walking out of the conversation (or the room) sometimes so usually I have to resort to asking questions to have a normal conversation with someone else.

It sounds like you're pretty uncomfortable with conversation. If I need to leave a conversation, I make a social excuse. "I'm sorry, I have to go and..."

animeboy wrote:
Is this an autistic trait or am I just weird?

So you're concerned that you're weird? I think you're just austic.



peebo
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21 Jan 2007, 3:40 pm

i know exactly what you mean about ending conversations animeboy, i am terrrible at ending conversations most of the time, takes me as long to end it as the conversation actually lasts a lot of the time, and generally ends on some sort of vague note...


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Flow
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21 Jan 2007, 4:33 pm

smalltalk: I just listen, and give small smiles, hoping that the person talking to me will go away.
other: I ask questions, amd randomly jump from one topic to another.



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21 Jan 2007, 4:56 pm

I feel really anxious, confuse everyone, fail to get my main point across, let myself down and feel stupid. And then ten minutes later I think up the perfect arguement and/or solution, only to find that there's no-one around to tell it to.


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CockneyRebel
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21 Jan 2007, 5:11 pm

Overly formal to the point of sounding British.



ZannaBarnowl
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21 Jan 2007, 5:14 pm

Over the years I've become very good at what I term "cocktail party converstaion" (small talk), which is a lot like the social research methods used in field work. You just ask leading questions to person based upon what they've said, or what you already know about them from observations made based on the group they are in, the clothes they are wearing, etc. I've had to teach my huband, who has now mastered that, even if it bores him to tears...beer tends to help; it's not called a "social lubricant" for nothing!

I have a tendendcy to "over share" so I try to limit what I say about myself. My husband says that I need to work on my "information disapline" - LOL! If you let someone talk about themselves and "show and interest" (the leading questions) in them, and if you do it casually, they will think you are the most wonderful conversationalists!

Everybody loves to talk about themselves and you are just giving them a place to be heard. Yes, it may be boring, but think of all that you can learn about someone or the NT culture! Fascinating.


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KurtmanJP
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21 Jan 2007, 6:13 pm

I usually don't make eye contact with the person and speak too quietly.


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sepia
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21 Jan 2007, 6:16 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
Overly formal to the point of sounding British.


cool. maybe you could get a job on bbc radio?

:lol:



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21 Jan 2007, 6:20 pm

It depends who I'm talking to. If it's with one of my friends, it's a total one-sided conversation. I'm one of those Aspies who talks at somebody, not to somebody. I really don't care about what they have to say. Sometimes I just want a live person to ramble to. And that's my biggest conversational error: I ramble. All the time. Most people have to cut me off because I just don't know when to quit. That's why I'm horrible at ending conversations. I could talk all day, if given the chance. I also tend to interrupt people, but that's completely accidental. I have a hard time knowing when it's my turn to speak, so when there's a pause in the conversation, I will start, but the neurotypical will have started a split second before I did, so I interrupt them. When I'm not rambling, most of my conversation consists of: "Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead." I also abruptly switch topics and try to veer the conversation back to one of my "special interests," if I haven't finished saying what I want about it. And another flaw I have is that I rarely ask people questions about their day or something. I just don't think of it because I really don't care. So, that's why I'm horrible at small talk. I don't ask questions, so the conversation ends rather quickly.
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hartzofspace
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21 Jan 2007, 7:06 pm

I kind of agree a little with what everyone said. I, too, tend to monologue at people, and to step on the ends of their sentences, or to interrupt without meaning to. I recently had a conversation with my next door neighbor and another woman, and found that I badly wanted to leave after a few minutes, but didn't know when I should walk away. So I ended up wasting a lot of time, feeling increasingly uncomfortable, until I finally said something about the library closing soon, and then left. :oops:


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werbert
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21 Jan 2007, 9:20 pm

My method of conversation is MIA.


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21 Jan 2007, 9:22 pm

I am terrible at small talk. I like to talk to people who share my interests. The internet provides a good place to do this. I can talk about cats all I want to on my cat site.



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21 Jan 2007, 10:46 pm

Pedantic. O! Burn.... rfdjsklfa :D