Does it get WORSE?

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Lately, things seem to have gotten worse. It's become *SO* hard for me to tolerate touch, I flinch and shy away and shut down at the slightest touch - mostly stroking movements, though, like someone brushing their fingers against my face. I'm okay with, say, holding hands with my partner. But sex has gotten strained and frustrating, because it's too much physical stimulation for me right now and I don't know why. I'm feeling my lack of social skills like you'd feel a missing limb, possibly because I've spent a lot of time at my partner's house - and it's a goddamn commune. 8 people live there, from a class/culture that I don't particularly relate to, and they always have company over, and I find myself holed up in her bedroom with a book, feeling unspeakably dull, but I have no idea what to say to them/how to initiate conversations and be social. I don't know why, but it seems like every Asperger symptom right now is magnified times 100. Does it ever get worse over time, like cancer or something? Can certain situations exaggerate symptoms? What do you do about it?

I've also found that my impulse to go on about my Obsessions have gotten stronger. If I'm not talking about the London Routemaster, I'm talking about Austin Powers. If I'm not talking about Austin, I'm talking about London. If I'm not talking about London, I'm talking about Hippies, and the cycle repeats itself over and over again.

Cycles, perhaps, that worsen in a stressful situation?

That's been MY observation... The more I feel stressed and under pressure (especially social / emotional...), the more obsessive / fidgety / distracted I get...

Yes, that happens to me when I'm around too many many people.

I don't think it gets worse over time, but what you're describing sounds like certain stimuli can trigger reactions. Those stimuli are things like being around too many people or just plain stress. The reactions that are triggered can make the AS qualities that you have more pronounced and harder to cope with. So basically, stimuli make people with AS tired. The more tired someone is, the more prone to their natural behaviour they are. Logically, this would lead to you acting more like an aspie and having a more difficult time coping.

And, no, you aren't alone in that sense.

I'v noticed this to the more I'm expected to act normal the less normal I become I think the only thing left to do is not care what people around you are thinking and just act your normal aspie self.

Its true, I wasted so much energy over the past few years trying to be something I'm not, and ultimately, every time it led me to having a fit in anger and blocking everyone out in order to do what I really love alone.

I'd prefer to be me all the time, even if it bothers some people, knowing this way I will:

1- never be accused of using aspergers as an escape again

2- be able to feel satisfied within myself regardless of what others think

3- achieve my dreams and hopes and make them reality


Yes I miss hanging around a lot of them, but I only have time for those that enjoy being with the real me, otherwise it hurts me, it hurts them, and no one benefits.

Coincidentally an ex of mine has worked out how sensitive I am and continually uses it against me, not trying to whine or complain but I HATE to sever from people, always believe I have something to offer or give them, but every night she tells me about how I'm not giving enough, and how I need to be like her previous friends/boyfriends, also crying to me to the point that I pity her and help her, then bursting and attacking me for not "needing" her in the same way.

I hate it but sometimes you just have to physically sever, I will always be there for her in every way I can be, but I'm sick of being told I'm not good enough cause I can't be there in the way she wants, I can't spend every day having emotional battles and draining my energy so much I can't do anything I truly desire!

Oh yes, and how!

I've always known that stress racks up the sensitivities, and knocks back the ability to be tolerant and flexible (Or once more raises the cost/stress of being that!)

Beyond a certain point adaptation is not possible, and attempting it is counterproductive.

Being utterly selfish and not acknowledging anyone else's preferences and wishes is one extreme. Being a total conformist at the expense of betraying one's own nature and desires is the other. Somewhere between the two... people must live.


If you are overloaded with social contact and closeness, it doesn't surprise me that you are reacting, and that the stress is coming out in a variety of ways.

For me, if I can spend time under ideal aspie conditions, the anguish level (that got so high) seems to reset itself back to something more tolerable. I have an idea that I need a minimum of 15 minutes out of each hour as "aspie time." And I try to schedule accordingly. i.e. for a dinner invitation, I'll say I can't make dinner but could I join them for coffee after. I stay 45 mins, then go home.

It's hard to learn not to explain, but it's essential. There is no such thing as a good excuse for an NT.

I am an introvert, so I enjoy time alone anyway. It must be hard to be an extroverted aspie?

I find that it cycles - in the short term my monthly hormonal cycle definitely makes a difference, and in the longer term it can even be affected by things like weather and seasonal changes. And certain situations, stress, etc certainly make it worse too. What to do about it? I know this doesn't work all the time, but ideally, know yourself and your limits, what situations tend to make things worse etc, and know what you can handle at any given day or time so you can avoid certain situations as much as possible if you need to. Or if you can't avoid those situations, be aware of your limits as you're going into it and don't expect too much of yourself (ie don't put extra stress on yourself because that will make things worse too). I'm not saying that we shouldn't strive to be our best and try to work on our weaknesses, just that some days our nervous systems can handle that kind of stretching and some days they can't - it's all about self-awareness.

No, I don't think it gets worse.

We are a very smart group of people. All AS means is that we have problems socially interacting.

Hmmn it all depends, sometimes I can be in a group and talk about things interesting to me and have a wonderful time, though generally still knowing inside I don't have a clue whats going on, I'm simply grabbing onto a topic and going with it.

Heres an example of the negative side of what can happen, I was at a party, there was say 20-30 people present, I pride myself on an open mind, but in that moment, the music they were all enjoying, was so shallow, flat, and dull I couldn't help but feel physically hurt by it..

It sounds stupid and ridiculous I know, but when I tried to tell my girlfriend (ex now) that I was feeling really uncomfortable and couldn't handle it, she told me how selfish and egotistical I was, I know I should have just left, but instead I decided to call every single person at the party stupid, I said it so loud every single one of them heard..

At least I can laugh about it now, but I will remember in future, if I feel the call to be alone, I WILL NOT hang around people, otherwise a meltdown is imminent.

It definately cycles though, but I don't know if its according to time as much as according to how well we satisfy the inner desires.

I effin hope it doesn't get worse!! !

I think it has been getting worse for me in some areas, but better in others.

Worse:
I get mad to the extremes much quicker.
I can barely remember faces at all.
I can barely remember names at all.
School has gotten much harder.
I have an obsessive need to go shopping. If I don't get to, it never ends well...

Better:
I follow the latest trends much better than I used to.
I definently look NT. I just blend right in with everyone else.
It's easier for me to control my obsessions in public.

I'm sure there's more stuff, but I just can't think of them right now.

Lightening88.....the things that have gotten better for you....I was just wondering.How did that happen?Are you going through some type of counseling,special classes,meds?You seem to be a very optimistic person,which is unusual for an aspie,just wondering how you managed that.

I've been wondering about this too. I haven't noticed any cyclic changes in my own life, but my isolation from other people seems to be a bit worse than it was when I was younger. This might also be just because I'm older, so I'm automatically less endearing.

I think the official version is that asperger's doesn't get worse with time, but I don't think people have been aware of it long enough for anybody to know for sure.

By the way, Scintillate, I gripe and complain and piss and moan a lot in response to your posts, but I think you're doing a damn sensible job of maximizing your own strengths while staying true to your own nature.