Facing the real world.

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I'm at a crossroads - I finally have access to health insurance. This comes after years of not having any access. It has been scary and disheartening not being able to see a cardiologist (for my pacemaker), not see a physician, not see a psychiatrist, not do ANYTHING about my personal health. I simply could not afford it. The reality made me feel awful.

I have now an opportunity to get my life going. I have been in a depressed standstill for years, having learned new things about myself, about how my diagnosis affects my relationships, and my ability to operate in the "real world." Like many high-functioning aspies, I have built some semblance of an income in self-employment. However, the last two years have watched my credit lines evaporate, watched my business' lifelines atrophy. The short-sale of my house this spring was the final nail. The business is now unsustainable without supplemental income, and I'm again fighting cynicism towards the world... It's just not enough. I see how precarious it all is, how it could dry up at any moment. As much as it is a source of livelihood, it is now also a source of great stress.

I am facing this reality that I HAVE to find work - not just for income, but also because the isolation of being by myself all the time is going to drive me nuts. But I want to do this intelligently. I'm not going to go out and apply for any open position. I already know I can't do that, I have made that mistake before. I have to follow my diagnosis strictly, and see what's available through that perspective. It's so difficult, but I have no option.

How have others dealt with this?

I'm going to die the moment I go into "the real world."

Not the same situation, but maybe similar.

Left my previous job. Unemployment is not quite enough, so I need to get on the ball and start looking for work. But two months away from offices etc, and I'm so much healthier as far as stress goes. I started thinking about going back, and started having screaming nightmares about endless dark mazes of offices and cubicles, or they would be screaming if I didn't get selective mutism in my dreams as well as real life.

It's just unnerved me. I'm starting to wonder if I can handle going back to work that way.

Haven't done this, but will have to in a few years, so might as well prepare for it.

Gonna try applying for places when I turn 16 in a couple weeks.


This is an interesting prospect, so I'll keep my ears open for this.

I'm also currently facing the reality that I will have to get work, and for similar reasons to you as my little self-employed income has been drying up and my social isolation is not what I really want.

I've considered my recent diagnosis in looking for work this time round but as most jobs invovle working with other people it is still difficult to think of something that appeals. And if I were to get a job with less interaction I would maybe still suffer from the isolation.

So, it's a difficult one for me to get started on. I'll probably be okay once I get going, at least for a while.

Let us know how you're getting on.

I've been hiding from the real world my whole life. I still am.

What on earth is the real world...being a part of the machine is not something I see as the real world, just something one might have to do until they have an opportunity to get away from it.

I'm so relieved to see there are other people feeling the same way I do. I'm terrified of the real world. I managed to avoid looking for a job up until now (I'm 25), due to the fact that my father was able to support me throughout my long studies (bachelor's and then master's degree). But now, I'm done with the master's degree and I have to step into the real world. Granted, there's no need to hurry and I don't have to jump right in, maybe I'll be able to take it step-by-step, but I'm still terrified of facing the real world...

Ever since all the fuss with my thesis is over, I've been like paralyzed. I just sit and do nothing all day long. Sometimes, I get high, but most often I don't even do that. I just listen to music and daydream, escaping in my fantasy world. Some songs I listen to make me feel a strong nostalgia for the imaginary world, as if it were an alternative to the real one.

I know that I'll have to get my act together when summer is over and I probably will, but I'm terrified by even the thought of it... I wish I could still be in school, college, whatever. Maybe it's my dislike for change that is at stake here. I feel as if this "real" world was not made for me and I wasn't made for this world. I just don't know how I'm gonna be able to become a responsible adult, when I still feel like a teenager.

My only chance is self-employment. I will strive to open up my private practice as if my life depended on it (maybe it actually does).

My NT family just doesn't get it (talk about theory of mind!). They say I'm lazy. I'm not, but I have this mixture of ADHD and Aspie traits that make me so ill-suited in this NT world... If society was run by Aspies and ADHD people, it would be a great place for me and for my needs & quirks!

If I hadn't married a NT man who enjoys taking care of and supporting me, I'd probably be living at home until my parents died and I ended up on the streets. He finds my Aspie quirks interesting and appealing, so I lucked out there.

After I was done with school, I just could not function in society. Bosses hated me, I have paralyzing anxiety about socializing and can't do 'customer service' things like fake being interested and friendly to clients, and my 'weird' personality made sure I never got contacted again after applying for jobs even when I still tried. And now that it's been several years, I can't see how even if I wanted to I could get any kind of job anywhere, even if I had to. I'm 30 now and haven't worked since 2004.

I think though, depending on what skills you have, it's possible to get an online business going, particularly if you're good at art or crafts, it seems.

That's what I'm doing except I'll never get married.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Rwfqg4zGIM[/youtube]this is the real world to me outside.

welcome to my world I am afraid I may end up becoming a Hikkikimori at this rate if I havent already. [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RooegHMXFg&feature=related[/youtube][youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTkK6_eP48w&feature=relmfu[/youtube]

A piece of advice for anyone depending on a partner. Life insurance!

It's uncomfortable to think about, but if the worst happens, you'll be glad you did. It's hard to face "the real world" after I've been out of it for just a month or two. If you've been cared for over years, the transition might not be bearable.

But with a decent life insurance policy, you might avoid having to deal with that.

I need to take my own advice actually. I'll talk to my partner this week.

Hmm. There's no excuse for not being polite and helpful, that works almost as well as being interested and friendly. Unless you are doing something particularly strange, you cannot be coming across as weird in a job application. An interview perhaps, but not the application form. Too long a gap on your CV is what will be putting off employers, if you are serious about getting back into the job market then some voluntary work may be required. Self-employment and part-time working could also be less stressful options.

Why do so many aspies seem drawn to the least appropriate jobs i.e. retail and customer service? I realise they are the most plentiful and easy to find jobs, but they are by far the least suitable. You need to find a job that matches your interests and a boss you get on with and accepts you. This is a key reason why retail and customer service are such hard work, the typical shift patterns mean you'll be working for a bunch of different managers.

Jason.

Thing is, I tried to be friendly, but it's apparently not enough unless you remember names and chat people up on top of just being nice. And in interviews I could tell they thought I was weird. My second boss told me right out after she fired me that I must have 'some kind of brain damage'.

And yes, now that it's been eight years that makes a difference in my chances of getting hired for anything now. I'm talking about back when I was still regularly looking for employment the first 2 years out of school. Both of my first jobs were from family friends or acquaintances.

There are good jobs out but some I couldn't cope with, but have found its mainly due to the boss. If you have a good one its great a bad one makes it hell.