I'm NT and I'm new.

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Hello there everyone, my name is Jackson Bradshaw, I have come to this forum in search of help and support for my partner with aspergers. She too is a member of this site, her screen-name is xCarlax.

I am joining this forum on her suggestion, but I do believe it will be a good place for me to converse with other aspies, and neurotypical people going through the same circumstances, dire as they may be.

Indeed my current circumstances are dire.... as I write this my partner has just had a massive meltdown, where Carla was hyperventilating, the whole works. I tried holding her, and breathing with her, to stop the hyperventilation, and to no avail... it only made matters worse and she stormed out the door. She has been gone now for about 20 minutes.

What caused this meltdown seemingly was me being snarky during the course of the morning, but as we were supposedly going on a picnic this afternoon (with our close friends, both of whom Carla believes has aspergers). After my morning shower I went about cleaning our downstairs as our cats had strewn there litter everywhere, and dishes and clothes needed to be done, I had done a load of washing when Carla yelled out "Where are my pants", I told her I had washed them, then seemingly she got angry over the pants and was yelling and whatnot, I yelled back as I always do, and its always a mistake (I find it so hard to just resist the impulse to yell back when someone is yelling or seemingly mad).

Now you see I honestly didn't realize that I had upset her previously, so I left Carla to her devices in the locked room to calm herself, while waiting I finished the housework that needed to be done and brewed us both a coffee, my intention was to come in and have a chat with her about the pants and if there was anything else I had done to make her so agitated. but she wouldn't let me in, I was told several times to "f**k off" and I did so, thinking initially that I needed to let her have some more time to herself to cool her jets. Therefore, I began playing a bit of the new Star Wars: The Old Republic MMO, nothing too engaging; just equipping weapon mods, doing a bit of crafting, and sorting my inventory items. Something I could have left at a moments notice. I kept causally knocking on the door to check the how Carla was going, but each time, the same answer of "f**k off, leave me alone", or something to that similar effect. After a while she popped her head out and said, "Having fun" to which I responded that I was bored, and was waiting for her to calm down a bit. After then I kept trying to talk to her, as I had gathered by now that it was probably a bigger situation than just some washed pants that she couldn't get to wear. From there obviously I just frustrated her beyond belief, and this is when she was hyperventilating, kicking and screaming, till she eventually left. Now we come to the present time. where I began writing this ever since she has left.

Sorry for troubling the community with such things in an introduction. I thought maybe I could, as they say "Kill two birds with one stone".


At any rate, my name is Jackson Bradshaw, I work as an IT Tech and Stockist at a local IT firm as well as working as a sales associate in the major electronic games retailer "Electronics Boutique" or "Gamestop" in America and Britain. I am currently deferring a 3 year Bachelor in Information Technology and Interactive Multimedia Production at the local university where I live in Cairns, Australia. My reasons for deferring my studies are as follows: #1 Cash, I need more money over the course of the next 2 years. #2 The Uni I am enrolled in has a bad rep for IT, My plan after 2 years of deferation is to transfer to a Uni that has better Rep in the IT field and that I can study externally. I.E. While I continue to work and provide for both Carla and I.

Currently Carla is not working, and we rent a Townhouse on the outskirts of our sunny tropical home, Cairns. As mentioned before I am currently working 2 jobs in order to keep us afloat at the moment. We are currently awaiting payments from the Government due to the nature of why Carla is unemployed, and also the fact that she recently received her diagnosis, is adjusting to anti-depressants, and suffering from a lot of social anxiety (which she is really doing well with, I must say).

I think this will be all for now, I look forward to being able to post on here and talk with people who may be going through the same predicaments that I am in.

Thankyou, Jackson Bradshaw.

P.S. I forgot to say, it may be important, but Carla believes I have PDD-NOS

welcome, jackson,

you sound like a very caring, responsible fellow. i hope you get things straightened around with your partner soon.

People with ADHD consider themselves non-NT.

I had a pretty bad outburst at night. It always builds up over time. I call it an out burst because I usually refer to meltdowns as that type of outward behaviour. There were a lot of factors. One the days I don't take my ADHD medication can be very stressful but I wasn't as stressed out as usually, in fact, some exercise put me in good spirits. I've been kind of tired of having people always wanting to be around me. I live in a shared house with my sister, her partner and her daughter. Although I rarely see the other two and my sister will come and go when she pleases it's like she cannot not talk to me. How is that for a double negative? So, I feel like I don't have enough me time though it may seem that I do.

Anyway all was going fine and I even got to watch a movie I hadn't seen in 14 years (Mercury Rising) and I recorded it but channel 10 like to shows to go over and have those annoying 'first look' things before the show. So, I thought 'fine, I will have to record again when the program stops but the movie isn't over.'

Then my sister says 'your cat has made a mess on your bed.' Oh crap I think but I'll clean it up later. I really want to watch this movie. My sister won't let up. "Do it now!" Ugh, one thing I hate is being interrupted while spending time on the things I love. And then she doesn't shut up about the cats. I was told keep my cat in my room so the other cat doesn't get into a fight with her. Now I am being told don't keep her locked up. And then she keeps worrying about what to do. I feel like screaming "THEY'RE JUST F***KING CATS!" But the most I scream is "stop treating the cats like they are humans" then I went off on a rant that the cats getting treated like they are above me and so forth. I really can't help what comes out of my mouth when I have a meltdown. I blame people a lot but it's all I can communicate. So, just want you to know that even if your girlfriend blames you when she has a meltdown she doesn't always mean it.

To make matters worse I had a migraine and it was beginning to become one of the ones that make one side of my face drop. But I'm being ordered around to clean up. Meanwhile my movie is on pause which you think is ok, but because I taped it but it will go over time as well I won't get the rest of the movie recorded.

After I'm done I go into the kitchen, take some medicine, don't talk, ignore my sister and go to bed. The next morning I don't talk to anybody.
Even before all this my sister was talking during the movie and very loudly disciplining her dog. Then asks me was it a good enough punishment. My head just sceams "I don't care!"

What I was originally going to say was that when I have a meltdown the last thing I want is someone to hover over me and get me to talk about it, no matter how well meaning the person is. I would prefer to be left alone and have time to recover.

Although I have my own issues to deal with so my reaction is about that.

Oh yes, meltdowns. There are threads about how they actually feel. I can post the link if you like?

ADD... Then you're not nt as far as I know. NT stands for neurotypical. Which means typical in terms of neurodevelopment. Not just non-autistic.

We have a lot of ADDs and ADHDs here, and together with Carla's assessment of PDD-NOS, really sound like you're one of us: we're all fairly neurodiverse, but even as a concerned NT, you'd be welcome-- we have some NT parents, too.

For a start on meltdowns, read this thread
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt186675.html
we're not all the same. My meltdowns tend to be uncontrollably verbal, and I say all kinds of things, loudly, that I know that I shouldn't say and probably aren't true anyway. Carla may be wanting to protect you from that kind of thing, by keeping you away. Sometimes they can be unforgiveable, or at least hurt very badly. At the time, the PURPOSE of them is to hurt, but that doesn't last.

It seems someone has already posted the link.

I know, it must be hard trying to find a balance between helping (if they expect you to) and letting them have their own down time.

It was difficult for me to want help but be so unwilling to let people in, so now I just rather being left alone when it happens. But everyone is different and others may still want people to help and understand.

I'm still going through the diagnosis process myself. It's surprising to hear she takes it out on you a bit as most girls are internal sufferers such as myself. It's different for everyone though and she makes me think of my mother who I suspect also has AS. I have crying fits and go to sleep lol. Sometimes I beat myself a bit but I've never taken my frustration out on anyone else. Just felt too miserable to do so. Everyone has different levels of autism and responds to it differently. People also learn to cope with stressors differently, maybe throwing fits is the only way she could catch a break growing up? For me threatening self harm was the only way for me to get some slack.